Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent
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I wanted to post in RL Happy initially, but I’ll post it here, since although immense gratitude is involved, it’s rooted in struggles.
It’s been rough. It’s been really, really, really rough. If you know what’s going on right now, and if you know my personal connection to what’s going on, then if you know, you know. I’ll leave the specifics at that. I have thought of scarcely else for the past 25 days. I’m conscious I may have become a drain on my friends because of it. I feel depressed. I don’t think I’m clinically depressed, but I feel I’m experiencing symptoms of depression, temporarily, as a consequence of events. Minor provocations feel like hurricanes. I feel like I’m turning into a hurricane. I am angry and raw.
The happy — kindness is never not appreciated, but in times of need, it’s appreciated that much more. The silver-lining right now is how clearly I’m able to see and feel the love, care and compassion some of my friends, and even some distant acquaintances, have for me. The goodness I can see in people. Friends I haven’t spoken to in ages who reached out, out of the blue, to show solidarity and support in a sea of trauma. In a time when it would be so easy to believe that the entire world does not care, there are people who haven’t just told me, but emphatically shown me how wrong I would be to believe that. I think back to history of stories of people who’ve really stood up, and I see them echoed in people I’m glad I know today. People whom I know, in those historical shoes, would’ve done the same and profoundly right thing.
I’m emotionally overwhelmed, and holding onto hope against bitterness when, as Mr Rogers once said, I find the helpers. Or in many cases, when they’ve found me.
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I over slept my alarm on the second to last day of training after being told how important it is to be here today and tomorrow AND knowing I’ll be cut if I miss any more time before next week.
I’ll be crying in a corner and spending the next two days worried I’m going to get fired.
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I’m on the brink of a big move and I just finished training at my new job and I’m going to miss the people I trained with because we’re in different branches. And I just feel unstable with so many upcoming changes and don’t know how I’m going to cope. I know change is inevitable but it’s hard.
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My computer died.
I bought a new one. It crashed endlessly.
I returned it. They charged me a service fee to change out the parts.
I bought a new one. It ran at 105 Celsius under load, and shutdown.
I have to return it. And probably pay another service fee.This has been a two week saga at this point, and I’m so frustrated and stressed that I could cry. My PC is where I conduct all of my work, all of my hobbies. Losing the lottery on hardware issues twice in a row has been just gutting. I just want to relax and play video games, not get off work and immediately launch into troubleshooting and chores.
Just fuck.
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I am sick of having health issues. Every month, or so it seems, I have been having pain in my side. Sometimes it is so bad I can barely move. I was going to the ER and all they tell me is it is some sort of muscle thing. X-rays, CT scans, etc, have not shown anything wrong. I am seriously starting to doubt it is just muscle. This happens enough I opt out of some trips I could go on, and really want too, with a program on my reservation because I worry the pain will hit and the trip will be wasted because I can’t go do the stuff that is part of it. The people who run the program are awesome. They would all do their best to make sure I have the stuff I need to ‘succeed’ at the trip. This is on top of a bunch of other health issues I have.
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Depressive episodes suck send tweet.
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@icanbeyourmuse Have you tried massage? Many years ago, my back went into spasm and I could barely move for over a year and a half. Tried massage, doctors, physical therapy, nothing worked. During one bad episode, I searched again for another massage therapist. She asked me a bunch of questions and an hour later, I walked out standing straight. Saw her 2x week for a while then once a month for years.
I recommend massage constantly. But, as with everything, not all therapists are created equal. Find one with 10+ years of experience and licensed. I found that one by calling sports clubs and asked if they had a massage therapist who worked there, figuring they’d be more experienced in treating muscle spasms and strains.
Since you say the pain is in your side, it could be the lat or the intercostals (muscles between the ribs). But there’s also a phenomenon called referred pain which means where it hurts is not necessarily where the problem is. Give it some thought.
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@TNP I don’t think I could do massage. To much touching for me. IT is a thing tempting to try to see if it helps, though. The Internal Dr called it something but I forget what it was. He said it is an inflammation of the muscles and along the ribs, though. He said weight-loss should help. My DR and the internal dr are starting me on a shot thing for my also being diabetic that they said should help with both weight and my being diabetic.
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@icanbeyourmuse I’ve had some success using a TENS machine to counter skeleto-muscular pain. That said, it’s only anecdotal and there’s competing studies on the clinical efficacy. Might be worth mentioning it to your doctor, though.
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This isn’t really a struggle or a happy but I am all up in my feels that for the first time one of my college kids isn’t coming home for tgiving break. Its for a good reason, he’s spending it with his partner and their family (whom we adore!) But still.
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@icanbeyourmuse Your choice, of course. I know some people have an issue with that. But you might want to think of it as medicine that you don’t need to like so long as it helps you. Having been through pain I rate an 11 on a scale of 1-10 (literally falling to the ground unable to breathe), I know the relief of having it go away. Good luck.
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Time lines to keep your job. Doing it early and still getting fired a week early. That is my current struggle. Oh, and your amazing new therapist wants you to become catholic to heal. The hits keep on rocking over here.
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@BloodAngel said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:
your amazing new therapist wants you to become catholic to heal
I’m fairly sure that’s unethical…
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@Pavel Hence not seeing her sadly. Clicked for three weeks sadly, thill this.
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When you get coached at work for calling out someone for using ableist language in a work environment.
Cobalt@Under the Stars
cob.alt@Discord
Cobalt#[email protected] -
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@BloodAngel I mean I shouldn’t have @‘d them in the group chat. But sorry I have mentally delayed and autism spectrum family members you’re not dropping the r word because you didn’t read a quiz question close enough.
I might also be a touch sensitive because the most severely mentally delayed family member is in the hospital rn and it’s been a hell of a week already.
Cobalt@Under the Stars
cob.alt@Discord
Cobalt#[email protected] -
@Cobalt Still fuck them, fight for all. All deserve respect the end.
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My youngest did youth first aid and cpr training with his cub scout den tonight, and while I didn’t attend I was asking him about the activities he did.
One of the techniques they practiced was in essence packing a severely bleeding wound hole with gauze and pressure. Packing, not just pressure. For a specific reason which maybe they went over but my kid is only 9 and has ADHD so I’m not sure it really hit him.
I actually don’t think about school and community violence often except during my trainings. This year in my cpr/first aid training for the first time in taking about 35 years of keeping my red cross first aid/cpr/later AED training up to date every two years, there was a quick clotting bandage and tourniquet component. (For the rest of the time it’s always been NEVER use a tournique unless given instructions to by 911/EMS–except that’s not the world we live in and hasn’t been for awhile).
I also notice that all of the hallways in my kids’ school (public) have bleeding control kits labeled as such, and my (private) school I’m employed at is getting them too.
It’s really hitting me in my deep feelings tonight. I wonder when it was coming, since usually it happens when I pack a bunch of lollipops in my substitute go-bag, but that didn’t happen this year. Just…I’ve had to use my community cpr/first aid training for a lot of incidents over the years (choking, epi pen, lacerations, ect) but the fact that it’s now decided that tourniquets and hemostatic gauze is entering the community Red Cross training makes my heart heavy even if I’m glad that it is.
And my 9 year old practiced packing a bullet wound type of injury tonight.
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I’m sorry. The world is not right and that’s not something our children should have to deal with.
I was shot taking my son to a playoff basketball game a couple of years ago by a rival team’s fan for wearing the wrong team jersey in Denver. My world turned upside down and I quit gaming and all interactions while I processed, and it led to positive life changes and new horizons for me. My autistic son however came through without issues from it. I couldn’t fathom why it didn’t harm him. Kids are stronger than we give them credit for.
It’s shocking to us and tragic. But it’s their world. He had already had shooter drills. Got the same level of training you described. I think it prepared him way better for that reality than me. I still have nightmares from it, and he was way more prepared. That’s tragic.
I’m sorry for your pain in this. It sucks. Wish the world was a better place.
We’ve had three lockdowns this year alone at my youngest (11 about to be 12) school.
