Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent

[Testament]

Yesterday I had a series of pyschologogical testing at my psychiatrist’s office yesterday in my pursuit to figure what(if any) form of neurodivergnecy I might have. With the added potential that I may be dealing with a form of PTSD from my time in the military(because the VA is so good about helping with that kind of thing).

I was sat down in a small darkened room in front of a computer. I had to sit a particular distance away from the computer, which held had a camera set into the wall. I was then instructed to place a headband around my forehead that had one of those balls you see on a motion capture suit for voice actors doing said motion catpure. This was, obviously, meant to track my head movements for the camera, as well as a secondary camera that was tracing my eye movement.

There was a clicker that was I told to hold in my left hand(or whatever your dominant hand is). The test itself was a blank grey screen on the computer, which would flash a random assortment of a series of four colored shapes:

A red circle
A red square
A blue circle
A blud square

The goal, was to click the button in my hand every time I saw a succession of the same colored shape twice. So red circle -> red cricle = button click. And red circle -> blue circle = do not click the button. These colored shapes would flash at random for what I think was for less than a second, perhaps half a second. The goal was for me to pay as much attention and focus to the screen as possible.

This went on for half an hour. And with the environment I was in, I can say that this was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do in a long time. And being set in a darkened, soundproof chamber with only this screen and unable to really move my head, a half of matching rapidly flashing colored shapes for a half hour felt like something out of A Clockwork Orange. I have to admit it was outright terrible and felt more like three hours than a half an hour.

Next week, my psychiatrist and I are planning to go over the results and where we need to go from here and wether this is enough information(beyond the other testing I’ve already done)in order to get a diagnosis.

The only downside to all of this was the fact that the stress of having to do that test wound up giving me a migraine bad enough that I had to leave work early last night.

Not sure what happens from here, but I hope to have some kind of answer.

[Pavel]

@Testament CPTs (Continuous Performance Tests) are the worst. Hopefully you get the answers you need, though!

[Smile]

I have reached the stage when I realised I don’t want to be around my SO’s mother. It’s hard to know where to go on from here after having told him.

So yeah, it sucks.

[Kestrel]

@Rucket said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:

Working 60hr weeks since mid-November, finally told to go back to normal 8 hour days and then shit happens and now its time to go back on the overtime train.

This isn’t at all legal where I live, and I just want to say that I feel intense sympathy, and anger, on behalf of everyone I know who goes through this in a country with such lax workers’ rights protections.

[junipersky]

~lice~ and this little girl HATES when any of her knots get tugged on. So once I get permission to treat her she will be one sad little muppet.

[mietze]

Got a painful procedure done on Monday, promptly fucked part of it up yesterday, slept through a painkiller dose time today and still not quite catching up pain wise. also stubbed that toe tonight and ended up seeing stars on the floor (while my fluffy menace cat roosted on top of my of course).

Hoping tomorrow is an okay-er day, stupid things happening wise.

[Testament]

@Testament And update to the gauntlet of tests I’ve gone through.

Apparently I’ve been dealing with untreated Type 3 PTSD(which is also called Uncomplicated PTSD and apart of me would like to point out that bit of hilarious irony because it’s sure as fuck been complicated for me) which likely goes into a number of factors, but it partially explains my sudden mood swings and my difficulty handling relationships/friendships when something foreign occurs outside the everyday norm. Still learning about that one.

The test I previous spoke discounted ADHD, but did not count out ADD, and it’s been a long damn time since I heard that acronym, but it’s still a thing.

All in all, my psychiatrist has put me on atomoxetine, which I guess is similar to Adderall(or meth as I call it), but Adderall also contains a stimulant, which my psychiatrist felt I didn’t need.

I’ve only been on it for five days, so I can’t give any real thoughts on whether or not it’s doing it’s job, but I think I’ve been looking at my phone less while at work. So that’s something.

Regardless, it answers in some form and for that I’m grateful.

[Faraday]

@Testament said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:

The test I previous spoke discounted ADHD, but did not count out ADD, and it’s been a long damn time since I heard that acronym, but it’s still a thing.

ADD is no longer in the DSM5. There’s only ADHD, though there are now three different presentations: Predominantly Hyperactive, Predominantly Inattentive, and Combined. It’s possible that provider is using outdated terminology to describe the inattentive presentation, but that’s still officially ADHD. (The hyperactivity is just more internal than external.)

Hope you feel better!

[Testament]

@Faraday To note, I called it ADD, but my psychiatrist called it something else that I can’t rightly recall. She just said “it used to be called ADD” when I stared at her blankly after she first told me.

I actually think she said Predominantly Inattentive, now that I’m reading that again.

[Faraday]

@Testament said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:

She just said “it used to be called ADD” when I stared at her blankly after she first told me.
I actually think she said Predominantly Inattentive, now that I’m reading that again.

That would make sense. The diagnoses previously categorized as ADD are now under ADHD (inattentive or combined subtypes).

It was just odd that if said they “ruled out ADHD” but then diagnosed you with ADHD

[Testament]

@Faraday See, I find that strange as well, now that I’m thinking more on it. And maybe I should’ve questioned more regarding that. According the tests I did, she said there was signs at the beginning and the end of the test that suggested some kind of attention deficit. Or at least that’s how I perceived it. I’m wondering if I just interpreted that statement incorrectly.

I don’t know if ADHD falls into some kind of spectrum or not. She was willing to say that there was something to read into it. Or at least enough to prescribe me medication for it?

I admit I was paraphrasing the ‘ruled out ADHD’ part, because I can’t remember the entire conversation. Maybe I just didn’t completely understand what she was saying. Which probably makes more sense.

And when she brought up the Predominantly Inattentive part, I guess I just assumed that was something other than ADHD. I didn’t ask and she didn’t clarify. Which makes me at fault for simply assuming.

I don’t like the idea of researching myself, because the last time I tried to self diagnose my own mental health, I was drastically incorrect.

[Pavel]

@Testament said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:

I’m wondering if I just interpreted that statement incorrectly.

Mayhaps your brain was being inattentive.

Honestly, though, it does sound like there was jumbling from both sides. Next time you can, ask for clarification and try to get something in writing so you can take it with you and process it in your own time.

But from what you’ve said it does sound like your psychiatrist was diagnosing you, at least tentatively, with ADHD, Inattentive presentation.

[Testament]

@Pavel If nothing else, it proves that I have never liked tele-health meetings because I feel like a lot is missed.

I have a follow up in about a week to ask how I’m reacting to the medication. I suppose I could always change that to an in person meeting.

Suppose in my head it’s not a diagnosis to me until I’m literally told “You have X”. Which I guess is why I was slightly confused by being given the prescription to begin with.

I didn’t even know what atomoxetine did until I googled it. And became more confused when I read that it was used to treat ADHD. And in my head I’m wondering why I was given it.

[Pavel]

@Testament said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:

Suppose in my head it’s not a diagnosis to me until I’m literally told “You have X”. Which I guess is why I was slightly confused by being given the prescription to begin with.

When it comes to mental health diagnoses, there’s a lot more ruling out than making definite statements. Various conditions have overlapping diagnostic criteria and symptoms, so some practitioners will treat based on a preliminary diagnosis while also continuing to seek further information before making a formal/official diagnosis.

I wasn’t officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder until around a year and a half of being actively treated for it, for instance.

[Testament]

@Pavel said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:

@Testament said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:

Suppose in my head it’s not a diagnosis to me until I’m literally told “You have X”. Which I guess is why I was slightly confused by being given the prescription to begin with.

When it comes to mental health diagnoses, there’s a lot more ruling out than making definite statements. Various conditions have overlapping diagnostic criteria and symptoms, so some practitioners will treat based on a preliminary diagnosis while also continuing to seek further information before making a formal/official diagnosis.

I wasn’t officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder until around a year and a half of being actively treated for it, for instance.

Alright, that makes more sense in that context. In this light, I suppose I have more questions I need to ask.

I haven’t wanted to say that I was left confused by that last conversation, because I don’t like questioning professionals who genuinely seem to want to help. That or I’m gullible in this respect. As in, why seem to unwilling to say ADHD, but is more willing to discuss Predominantly Inattentive? The idea of one being received more as a stigma and other isn’t? That’s just a guess on my part.

But I’ve also never really had a psychiatrist before until this last November, so I have nothing to base the experience on.

[Pavel]

@Testament said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:

I haven’t wanted to say that I was left confused by that last conversation, because I don’t like questioning professionals who genuinely seem to want to help.

I’m sure she does want to help, and if she does then she’d be more than happy to explain things to ease your confusion. That’s part of helping too. She is providing a service to you, for which you (or an insurance company, etc.) are paying. Part of that service is that you also have a clear understanding of what’s going on. Asking for clarity is an expected part of the exchange.

@Testament said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:

As in, why seem to unwilling to say ADHD, but is more willing to discuss Predominantly Inattentive?

I mean, that just doesn’t make sense. “Predominantly Inattentive” isn’t a thing without the ADHD bit. I think there’s some confusion there, from one or both of you. It seems very much like she’s avoiding making a final diagnosis so she’s avoiding terms that make it seem like she’s diagnosing… but yes, go seek more clarity.

[Testament]

@Pavel said in [Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent]

I mean, that just doesn’t make sense. “Predominantly Inattentive” isn’t a thing without the ADHD bit. I think there’s some confusion there, from one or both of you. It seems very much like she’s avoiding making a final diagnosis so she’s avoiding terms that make it seem like she’s diagnosing… but yes, go seek more clarity.

Honestly, it’s probably me. I’m either misremembering or just confused about something. I just remember nodding my head a lot, because I was thinking about what it all means for me. I don’t think it’s her. But again, I didn’t ask for clarification.

But I would agree that she’s avoiding making a diagnosis, which I think is where a lot of this stems form. I was pinning a lot of my hopes on finally being given answers and…well. I didn’t get that answer, but left with more questions. Which I then proceeded to internalize because that’s generally my default setting is to internalize.

[Pavel]

@Testament Unfortunately, confusion and not getting expected answers is part and parcel of dealing with mental health stuff. Without knowing the full layout of your particular situation I obviously can’t judge, but I’d definitely require a bunch of information gathering over a few sessions before I felt comfortable saying that someone 99.9999% has X, Y, or Z.

[Pavel]

Also important to note: It’s not your fault that you’re confused. It’s fucking confusing for all of us (client/patient and practitioner alike) and I’ve got the DSM-V open on my desk right now. The brain’s weird, and when it goes wrong (by certain definitions…) it gets weirder.

If you weren’t confused, it’d just mean you weren’t really paying attention.

[Rinel]

@Testament said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:

I don’t know if ADHD falls into some kind of spectrum or not.

It is part of an extremely broad category of executive dysfunction. I don’t want to say spectrum in particular, because that sort of indicates that things like ADHD are on one side and things like OCD on the other. Some people have both.

Ask me how I know.

Though our understanding of psychiatry is not really advanced enough for us to do much more than diagnose people based on syndromes–we can’t point exactly to where something is going on in the brain and say “ah, well, that’s why your executive function is wonky.”