RPing with Everybody (or not)
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I think people naturally DO rp with people outside their friend group. Most of my oldest friends are long since tired of rping with me. I think most players really appreciate finding someone ‘new’ and fresh to rp with, and it’s the default state to search for that.
But when it comes to ooc trust, they are gonna rely on those they are friends with. When their characters are threatened, they will turn to their friends for support before a stranger in an IC position that might make (more?) sense. To a lesser degree, they are also going to disseminate plot to their friends. A lot of plot handed out to players is "X is happening, get together a team of pcs to address/experience it’. A lot of people will default to known quantities! It makes sense. I think a player maliciously or intentionally excluding others is much rarer than might be assumed.
IDK how to change it or even if you should try, but forewarned is forearmed or something.
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I’m usually pretty nice and welcoming to people. I normally try to RP with as many people as I can. I sometimes overshare plot with people. I like to get people up and running and I like to connect people to other people that I think fosters their stories. That said…
No one but me gets to decide how I spend my energy and who I RP with or don’t RP with. That feels so toxic to me to tell another adult who they have to RP or how they have to RP. I’m sure that’s not the intend but…
Right now for a lot of people RL is severely fucked up. People are uncertain, scared, struggling, etc. Our hobby is meant to be a safe haven from that. One where we get to meet people and tell stories and write stories and hide in our escapism for a little bit before we go back to our RL demands. I don’t want to co-author a book with everyone, so why would I want to write a story with everyone?
Does this make me elitist? I don’t think I’ve ever been called that. Does that make me mean and rude and unwelcoming? Still don’t think I’ve been called that, but maybe. What it does make me is protective of my calm. Forcing anyone to interact with anyone is bad in my book. If people want to log in and hide in a fake online place with one other person writing a fake online storyline with them because it gives them a moment of peace in their chaotic real life? Let them.
I give you a server so you have to do what I say ranks right up there with the working spouse telling the homemaking spouse that they have no say to their identity. They can’t spend any money because they haven’t earned the money. It’s different, but it rings at the same level.
I don’t run games. I avoid staffing like I owe it money. I just think that with the world being as it is for a great many people right now, just let them find their peace where they can find it. You are free to ask them to leave your game if you want, but you do not get to tell a person who they must interact with like you own or control them.
Just my thoughts. Doesn’t make it right. Doesn’t make it wrong. Just makes it my opinion.
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When I am on a game I usually bring a friend or two along with me, and I primarily play with my friends. If there are characters I then meet, roleplay with and enjoy, I will also play with them. Those people, I usually seek fairly proactively to become friendly with also, because this is my hobby, and I like to be friends with the people I do my hobby with.
There are inevitably characters on a game that I do not know, and whose profile/RP hooks don’t interest me. I don’t feel the need to proactively audition all of those people “just in case” they turn out to be interesting. I try and sign up for events as much as possible, and I find that a good, low commitment way to check out a handful of people all at once, and then follow up with people who seem cool.
That said, if someone approaches me and specifically asks to RP I will almost never say no. There are only a very few people in the hobby I actively try and avoid playing with, and all of those people are extremely aware of the fact as far as I am aware!
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@RightMeow said in RPing with Everybody (or not):
I give you a server so you have to do what I say ranks right up there with the working spouse telling the homemaking spouse that they have no say to their identity.
Then why do games expect players to follow the rules?
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@RightMeow said in RPing with Everybody (or not):
No one but me gets to decide how I spend my energy and who I RP with or don’t RP with
you do not get to tell a person who they must interact with like you own or control them.
I think everyone would agree with that. What game/context is this happening on/did this happen on?
Nobody in this thread has advocated for even any hypothetical game policy in which “interaction rules” are enforced.
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@Ashkuri said in RPing with Everybody (or not):
Nobody in this thread has advocated for even any hypothetical game policy in which “interaction rules” are enforced.
To be honest, I would argue that any game runner is entitled to set such a policy, even while I’d also argue that such a policy is the stupidest thing since quinoa.
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@Pavel No matter whether they are or aren’t entitled to set a rule like that, no one is setting interaction rules or even saying such rules should be set.
That I know of.
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@Ashkuri There are some posts in this thread that could certainly be read as if the poster is advocating for such rules. Though, I believe that @RightMeow indicated that they realise they’re possibly misreading the other posters’ intentions, but want to make their opinion clear regardless.
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I look at it like this:
- If someone builds a game and puts it up on a server, generally the game comes in one of two forms: a sandbox where the staff only exists to help people get through character creation and otherwise enforce OOC behavior rules, or a curated story where the staff exists to tell a specific main story involving all of the characters approved for play.
- I don’t believe any staff (on either type of game) should advocate for everyone RPing with everyone being required. There’s plenty of OOC drama that exists between individual players across the hobby that trying to force that is going to be bad.
- I do believe that staff on games with curated main stories are 100% correct in requiring all players to interface with said story regularly, and are totally allowed to, and should, boot anyone that tries their hardest to avoid that, as games with staff driven plots should be looking for players interested in participating in those plots over people just looking for a new place for their circle to play.
- I do believe that staff should incentivize players opening up their RP circles as much as they feel comfortable in doing.
- I do believe that there are circles of players who plant themselves on games with the sole intention of only RPing with their own circle and ignoring the entire rest of the game. Usually they’re harmless, but I have been witness to a few instances where it was 100% toxic. I think that has to be monitored to a certain extent and dealt with if it becomes apparent that they’re toxic. Usually these people are not interested in doing the work to give themselves a private space to RP in.
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I like RPing.
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I’m a person who often joins and becomes invested in a game on a whim - I can’t tell what the formula is, but if a game is hoping to attract people like me who just hop in without knowing someone, at least some percentage of the playerbase needs to feel open to interacting with, chatting with, getting excited about new characters and new people. Not every game has to be that - I don’t mind the existence of games that are built with a network-only approach and are meant for people who already have connections to have a good time together.
But as a new player approaching an open game, seeing people only rping with one or two others a lot sets off yellow flags that a game isn’t a place where people have the time or energy to open their circles to me. I don’t mind reaching out a lot when I’m in the shiny new excitement phase, but in order to feel welcome, it helps to see signs that it’ll be reciprocated.
I don’t think activity checks or a quota on interactions with people outside of your circle are meaningful solutions, because activity requirements can’t generate enthusiasm.I’ve roleplayed in forums like Dreamwidth where gamerunners often have monthly activity rules. The rules don’t actually stop a game from slowing down, or dying, or becoming a playground for one group. But I think the urge to implement them comes from the wish to have a particular game environment. Two people playing alone in a corner aren’t hurting anybody - but the more people who are doing that, the harder it is for new people to jump in and have a good time, and a lot of games want, at least in theory, new people to have an easy time joining, to buff up the population as people need to slow down or leave for various reasons.
And on a personal level, I find its important to my RP enjoyment to be open to new connections, because sometimes my old connections can’t RP any more! And it’s so much easier not to be bitter and discouraged if I’m not rebuilding my character’s network from scratch.
