I know that this is a minor thing with everything going on in the world. However, I started going back to school full-time (while working full-time) in January. I just got my letter that I got on the Dean’s List.

I came to a game when asked by a friend.
I created a char and that char became platonic friends with Ruiz’ character. They presented to me IC as gay, so flirting was just teasing not serious IC.

Then they put me in a very trauma inducing scene. They refused to let me leave the scene. Then when their IC SO got upset OOC. They asked for a retcon. I felt OOC violated but at the same time (I know it sounds stupid) I felt like I had done something wrong in it. So I said sure and it would probably be best that we not interact.

Then they would come into any scene that I was publicly in to make me nope out. They would page me how I was being mean to them and showing how horrible I was. How I just used people, etc. and that’s shown by my distancing myself. — Ignore I was trying to create a boundary.

They would also tell me about their RL difficulties and that is why they couldn’t read the room, etc.

Then I just silently left the game. No fanfare. I would log on and just be struck with an inability to talk to anyone or do anything because I thought they would show up.

The person that started out as my friend was no longer my friend without explanation and I was hurt and unsure how to process that, but I just walked away.

After I left, someone finally asked me what happened there in a private message because shit was going down for others. So I told them what happened and what went down. This is where I learned that they were telling people lies about the interactions, about my RL intergrity, and just a whole lot of bad shit.

They know what they are doing. They don’t care or they would stop doing it. I’m sure they aren’t the evil because I normally think people aren’t but hurting others isn’t a cry for help; it’s abuse.

That said. I’m not fully sure I’m fully over it now. I still get panic over thinking I’ve mis-stepped or whatnot and I don’t want to form friendships OOC and a lot more that’s come from it.

Anyways. That’s my run in, on this board as well.

Moving on – just realize there are real people behind the fictional characters online. Take a deep breath and just try to be kind.

I get people all the time looking at me and asking how I can possibly forget to eat when I have a day off. I tried to explain it once.

Start - I’m hungry I should make a sandwich
Walk in kitchen
Notice dishes aren’t put away
Put dishes away
Consider the cabinet
Decide to re-organize the dish cabinet
Look at the other cabinets.
Remember that you were supposed to text someone
Send text
Why am I hungry?
Go to make sandwich
Get out plate - feel like you accomplished something looking at your organized dishes
Open fridge
Realize that you forgot to throw out some leftovers
Throw out leftovers
Trash has to go out
You should probably make it one trip
Clean out fridge
Decide to clean out fridge
Might as well do freezer
Stand there trying to remember what you were originally doing because you know it was something not fridge related
Oh right! Trash
Take out trash
Probably should get mail. Is it Sunday? That would be really awkward if the neighbors saw you check mail on Sunday. You know there is no mail on Sunday, but would they know you know? Mentally review your week
It’s Wednesday, check mail.
Go back inside
Oh, dog needs out
Come back, respond to text
Still hungry
Remember you were making a sandwich
Look at clock
It’s pretty close to next meal, should you eat now or wait
This debate lingers far more than it should
Ponder dinner
Look for dinner ideas
Get up to remember what you don’t have frozen as you don’t have time to defrost it
Go back to looking up dinner ideas
Read boards (ahem)
Still hungry.
Look at time.
Ponder if you have time to eat before bed.
You have to eat
Order pizza/grubhub/etc because hey it will get here
Remember you have a plate on the counter
…

It goes on and on.

I just want everyone to know that I have appreciated each and every one of you. I know I’m not ‘in crowd’ or anything, but thank you for all the stories. I’m not leaving this board like I posted on the other one. I just want to let you all know too.

On MSB - all of you being involved with me or reaching out led to my handling of DownWithOPP and with my issues with Ruiz. I’m avoidant IRL about emotions and stuff, so it helped. I would never have said anything if no one reached out. Also IRL - the ADHD board led me to a diagnosis that helped my RL. While I’m quiet a lot and I don’t share personal things too much - I just want you all to know that I appreciate each of you.

I also wanted to post it on this board because it’s spawned on MSB and those things happening happened there. So thank you. Thank you for engaging with me here and there. Thank you for RPing with Esme on Arx. I have enjoyed every scene, every time.

Okay, carry on.

Thank you.

@shit-piss-love

I had a person or two reach out in private message to me here to invite me to their games. I didn’t have the spoons for it at the time, but I fucking appreciated it. So maybe if you open a game, just send them a chat you’d like them to play there. That way it’s not public but you don’t have to have Discord or other OOC connections. This coming from someone who doesn’t discord.

@hobos said in hobos Temporary Ban Discussion Thread:

… makes me doubt that every actual predator that you all have dogpiled in this hobby is even a predator at all.

Nope. We are not doing this today. I understand you are upset and I am not validating their comments about you. However, we are not going to go down the road you are steering. Please just don’t. As a person who dealt with one of these people, don’t invalidate my experience because you are angry at someone or something said to you.

Please just don’t.

Also, this is not a peeve. I don’t actually have a MU peeve. This is a MU sad sorta. To me.

I have been playing in this hobby longer than some of you have been alive (that’s sad on a different level for me) and I think this year I’ve decided to step away from it.

There is no drama. There is no hard feelings. My life just doesn’t fit around it anymore. As well as play not being available to keep me invested. This is NOT a gripe. It’s my ADHD brain that wanders and fills my time if not occupied. I’m just a little sad to think my MU* time might be just done. I know it will always be there to come back to and I’m sure I’ll lurk on this site because I have a sick fascination with it. It’s just hard to put into words. Like … oh… but that oh holds so much.

That said. I got to spend the last year or so catching back up with people that I haven’t spoken to in years. I got to hear how their RL lives are going and see how their story telling (and mine) have changed. I got to get giddy running into people that do actually cross my mind from time to time. So I’m pretty excited about that and if I have RPed with you this last year. I have ENJOYED it. If I have paged you, I feel HONORED to catch up and I feel undeserving to those that got excited to meet back up with me.

No matter our differences and our opinions and sometimes our toxic rightness, I appreciate the people of this community.

I’m just in my feels about this realization and I’m just sharing to people who might understand (my RL people are not MU* people).

So in conclusion to my brain dump you all!

So this isn’t a vent well it sort of is but it’s like 90% good and 10% sad.

Last week I started tracking food and being more accountable to myself about my food choices. It went fine. I felt fine. No headaches that sometimes come with it. I went out to dinner with a friend. I just accounted for it and ate super super clean the day before and day after.

I do my weight check-in on Monday with myself and I lost 2.3 pounds. Not drinking enough water or added exercise yet. I really just started meal prepping my lunches, etc.

So my 90% is that I’m super proud of me. Small victory, but a victory. My 10%? I can’t share this with anyone in my life. They would just say it’s water weight or that it’s just two pounds in a first week and come back after it’s 10 pounds or more.

I’m keeping this to myself because I don’t want the people around me to defeat me, but sometimes it also sucks, you know?

Anyways – thank you for reading!

Remember to be kind we are all on our own journeys in life.

… oops?

I made a post about the bannings (as I got home and caught up). Then Derp posted. Then he deleted it but I was 10 paragraphs into my response.

Well, my bad.

Also, not that I’m involved (or my opinion matters in the grand scheme of things), but I respect all of you. I have enjoyed all the interactions even if I didn’t agree. I don’t think this was warranted. I know everyone is joking, but I’m sorry that it happened to you.

Now, back to the lies and slander.

This is just my opinion. Opinion. Not right. Not wrong. Just a thought in my own mind. Nothing to say your thoughts are wrong.

I feel like when people say ‘many people have told me’ and they don’t want to talk about it; it decreases the effectiveness of those willing to voice it.

(Note I don’t play these games and have nothing personally invested here)

If I tell you something, I don’t want to be championed for. If I want to be championed for, then I would be willing to let you talk about it. If you are not given that and still bringing it up in a public place – you ARE talking about it. There is a chance that my trust that you’d keep my worries between us is now broken.

If I do have the gumption to say: Hey this happened. It makes it seem like I might just be ‘dogpiling’ and doing it to back up the point of my friend. Is that fair? No. Is it considered? Yes.

Also, part of the issue I got with DWOPP is that they would do stuff like that. They would say hey avoid X because I’ve heard xyz about them. However, they were championing for people and just letting me know. This is not a helpful thing, this is a manipulative tactic. It might not come from a bad place, but it becomes suspect. It’s a tactic the abusers use.

I also feel like ‘lots of people said this’ causes some people (and sometimes the people that need to hear it with the power to do something) to tune out with ‘Oh this again’. Which means it makes it harder for me to come to them with my concerns as well, or invalidates my legit and personal issues with the person.

Also, I want to say this. Doing nothing. Saying nothing. Walking away. It’s valid choice if it’s what you as the person it happened to need to do. Not everyone has the spoons to deal with that, and it’s okay.

End note to all my words (sorry) – At the end of the day, just remember to breathe and be kind.

I also don’t know the context beyond this thread and I’m going to take the thread as it reads. However, I’m going to drop my opinion. You don’t have to agree, but I feel the need to state it.

We don’t apologize for racism or anything in that vein.

The person who read the statement as antisemitic does not then go back and apologize when it was said ‘as an accident’. We don’t do that. Something was said. It might have been taken out of context, but something was said.

What we do is the person who said it learns not to say that again. We realize they are not racist (for this reason). We understand that knowledge was gained on how to speak and handle situations going forward.

We, again, do not apologize for pointing something out even if it was said accidentally. Just like we don’t apologize when someone gets offended when the speaker was “only joking”. It’s a boundary and we respect that. It doesn’t mean the speaker is the evil, but it does mean e need to reflect on the power of our words (both good and bad) and we move forward in understanding.

Asking for an apology or thinking that one should be made does not sit well with me and so I’m just giving my opinion on what I’ve read on this thread.

I tend to be (I hope) rather nice, understanding and malleable as a player. I tend to yes and for the most part. Which is how one of my chars got married in a pub on a quasi-maybe-date. It leads to some great RP. I also try to go towards the funny and just see what happens.

That said.

I have also played a very arrogant full of himself asshole. He was a great character to play, but he also had money and power behind him so it made him more than a little insufferable. I would OOC disclaimer that as the pilot of my char, I could come up with a reason for him to be there. I can’t guarantee it’s going to be enjoyable for a few different reasons. I was also willing to tone down or full send the jerkfaceness depending on the OOC person and I did check in a lot, BUT the char was designed a certain way. If you weren’t part of his chosen few, you weren’t worthy of air in his eyes. I still had amazing RP and one of his IC best friends started as one of his nemesis at the beginning. It means I can see the ‘my guy’ as also writing for the the story line and where/how your char fits into the story.

I have done all the types of applications. I tend to think Garou MUSH back in the day was pretty intense. Also, I’m old and losing my sanity, so I could be completely wrong about this.

I prefer short and to the game play for me. Partly, because if I have to keep re-writing or altering, I start to lose my enjoyment because the ‘getting there’ already feels like a lot of work. If I have to wait for approval, my desire to play starts to decrease as well. That’s probably my ADHD.

I hate stats because math. Also, I’m never sure how the game leans in direction and most are vague if I ask. I do like writing backstories because I just tend to prattle on (like now).

In conclusion - the way that gets me to start writing interactive stories with other the quickest. I also have a love for roster as it’s ready made especially if I’m coming onto a game as a new person without connections.

@Kestrel I’ve said this before and I stand by it. Anyone who has had that betrayed feeling. Not just saying but truly feeling it; it is the worst heartbreak that has ever been felt on different levels.

I’m sorry you are going through that.

@Pavel You were once young? (sorry)

I don’t have a strong feeling about them one way or another. I remember back on Metro (I’m old, okay?) if you had super hearing you could listen to what was happening at table talk. I learned so much stuff and some stuff I wish I could un-learn.

I appreciated it when on Arx I was walking around in a mask at the blood moon giving people their futures and their destinies. I mean sure I was making them up on the spot when they failed their dice game with me, but it was private to their table to share or not share, but the room knew I was bartering secrets for futures.

I think that rp standards is a personal thing. It might hurt me if you are constantly spelling all the words wrong, but I try to be understanding.

I think rp standard is less game directed and more scene directed. I have problems keeping up with rapid fire but I can do it. I’m a multi paragraph person. That’s not everyone’s happiness. I try to fit my standard to the story flow of my co-writer.

While I will always be a grid girl. I’m old. I like my back in my day sort of MU*. I do understand the benefits of web planned scenes too. Especially as we are busy people. We don’t have to type:

ooc - RightMeow stepped away, but they will be back

or hide in private rooms and hear:

OMG RightMeow is always in a TS scene (not that it matters if I want to be as a grown adult). Or RightMeow is not very inclusive.

When I’m really not RPing. I’m idling with random OOC chatter or we are both waiting on a pose 1 an hour or something until we tie up dinner, etc.

Also in web scenes people cannot run away from my massively long and chaos filled scene sets where I will purple prose you to death, I may fall, I may set the place on fire on accident, I might faint across someone’s lap on a dare… you know… normal things. Normal… right?

But I also like just wandering the grid to open places and discovering people and places and things. So… I guess don’t yuck a yum and time is short, enjoy your hobbies how you want?

@L-B-Heuschkel although not the original four. I’m still to this day touched to be invited. Even to be invited annually when I sigh that I miss RP.

I think that staff is overworked by staffing.

It’s been a loooooooong time since I staffed a game. Mainly, because if you asked me to I’d laugh hysterically and log off. I may or may not be back. I have feelings about admin’ing now. LOL

There is not a fix all. I think it has to do with growth of game and trying to include everyone. I think at heart staff WANTS to include everyone and wants to see their stories play out. It’s just not enough hours in the day and then the guilt of not including others. Which leads to the you aren’t doing good enough. Which leads to imposter syndrome. Which leads to you have so many things to do that you just can’t figure out what to do. Which leads to decision paralysis as the decisions that need to be made are coming at a daily if not hourly basis. Which then leads to why bother. Which then leads to leaving.

This could be a week, a month, a year, but it’s the lack of understanding that staff are also people with some spicy brain stuff and brain weasels happening too. They sometimes don’t feel liked on their games either or included. Sometimes too backgrounds to not be too foreground, which they also have to think about how that looks to the general masses that don’t KNOW them.

I think it’s just staff stuff is overworked stuff. Unless you are lucky to find that person that adores an aspect and wants to do it because it’s their happy place. Most are just pulling short straws on who has to run which plot or cover which area, etc.

Just my thoughts. As I said, I run from staffing now so maybe this isn’t it at all.