RightMeow

I know that this is a minor thing with everything going on in the world. However, I started going back to school full-time (while working full-time) in January. I just got my letter that I got on the Dean’s List.

I came to a game when asked by a friend.
I created a char and that char became platonic friends with Ruiz’ character. They presented to me IC as gay, so flirting was just teasing not serious IC.

Then they put me in a very trauma inducing scene. They refused to let me leave the scene. Then when their IC SO got upset OOC. They asked for a retcon. I felt OOC violated but at the same time (I know it sounds stupid) I felt like I had done something wrong in it. So I said sure and it would probably be best that we not interact.

Then they would come into any scene that I was publicly in to make me nope out. They would page me how I was being mean to them and showing how horrible I was. How I just used people, etc. and that’s shown by my distancing myself. — Ignore I was trying to create a boundary.

They would also tell me about their RL difficulties and that is why they couldn’t read the room, etc.

Then I just silently left the game. No fanfare. I would log on and just be struck with an inability to talk to anyone or do anything because I thought they would show up.

The person that started out as my friend was no longer my friend without explanation and I was hurt and unsure how to process that, but I just walked away.

After I left, someone finally asked me what happened there in a private message because shit was going down for others. So I told them what happened and what went down. This is where I learned that they were telling people lies about the interactions, about my RL intergrity, and just a whole lot of bad shit.

They know what they are doing. They don’t care or they would stop doing it. I’m sure they aren’t the evil because I normally think people aren’t but hurting others isn’t a cry for help; it’s abuse.

That said. I’m not fully sure I’m fully over it now. I still get panic over thinking I’ve mis-stepped or whatnot and I don’t want to form friendships OOC and a lot more that’s come from it.

Anyways. That’s my run in, on this board as well.

Moving on – just realize there are real people behind the fictional characters online. Take a deep breath and just try to be kind.

I get people all the time looking at me and asking how I can possibly forget to eat when I have a day off. I tried to explain it once.

Start - I’m hungry I should make a sandwich
Walk in kitchen
Notice dishes aren’t put away
Put dishes away
Consider the cabinet
Decide to re-organize the dish cabinet
Look at the other cabinets.
Remember that you were supposed to text someone
Send text
Why am I hungry?
Go to make sandwich
Get out plate - feel like you accomplished something looking at your organized dishes
Open fridge
Realize that you forgot to throw out some leftovers
Throw out leftovers
Trash has to go out
You should probably make it one trip
Clean out fridge
Decide to clean out fridge
Might as well do freezer
Stand there trying to remember what you were originally doing because you know it was something not fridge related
Oh right! Trash
Take out trash
Probably should get mail. Is it Sunday? That would be really awkward if the neighbors saw you check mail on Sunday. You know there is no mail on Sunday, but would they know you know? Mentally review your week
It’s Wednesday, check mail.
Go back inside
Oh, dog needs out
Come back, respond to text
Still hungry
Remember you were making a sandwich
Look at clock
It’s pretty close to next meal, should you eat now or wait
This debate lingers far more than it should
Ponder dinner
Look for dinner ideas
Get up to remember what you don’t have frozen as you don’t have time to defrost it
Go back to looking up dinner ideas
Read boards (ahem)
Still hungry.
Look at time.
Ponder if you have time to eat before bed.
You have to eat
Order pizza/grubhub/etc because hey it will get here
Remember you have a plate on the counter
…

It goes on and on.

I just want everyone to know that I have appreciated each and every one of you. I know I’m not ‘in crowd’ or anything, but thank you for all the stories. I’m not leaving this board like I posted on the other one. I just want to let you all know too.

On MSB - all of you being involved with me or reaching out led to my handling of DownWithOPP and with my issues with Ruiz. I’m avoidant IRL about emotions and stuff, so it helped. I would never have said anything if no one reached out. Also IRL - the ADHD board led me to a diagnosis that helped my RL. While I’m quiet a lot and I don’t share personal things too much - I just want you all to know that I appreciate each of you.

I also wanted to post it on this board because it’s spawned on MSB and those things happening happened there. So thank you. Thank you for engaging with me here and there. Thank you for RPing with Esme on Arx. I have enjoyed every scene, every time.

Okay, carry on.

Thank you.

As my return to school isn’t a big deal to anyone in my actual life, I just wanted to share because I can. I am about halfway through my estimated timetable on my degree. I am double majoring with 18 credit semesters while working management for 40+ hours. I’m in accelerated courses to achieve the goal faster. I just got my certificates to say that I have again maintained my dean list holding that I’ve had the whole time and a merit award for taking part in the student insight committee.

That is all. I return you back to the game opens, closes, and dramas.

Thank you for reading.

@shit-piss-love

I had a person or two reach out in private message to me here to invite me to their games. I didn’t have the spoons for it at the time, but I fucking appreciated it. So maybe if you open a game, just send them a chat you’d like them to play there. That way it’s not public but you don’t have to have Discord or other OOC connections. This coming from someone who doesn’t discord.

About a week ago, a male co-worker took a picture on his phone of me bending over while I was cleaning and rearranging for work. We pulled cameras and it was clear as day Love that journey for us.

I’m not too in my feels about it. Stupid men (no offense to the good ones) doing stupid men shit. I normally have the ‘talks’ around this but couldn’t as I was involved.

HR circles back to let me know the photo has been deleted. However, the male co-worker said he’s reaching out to his therapist about it and my female HR thinks that’s really good enough. As the photo was deleted and there was no harm.

Again, I don’t feel unsafe. I think he’s a creep, but I already thought that. It just… doesn’t sit well with me and I’m not fully sure why since again, I’m not having a reaction personally.

Also, this is not a peeve. I don’t actually have a MU peeve. This is a MU sad sorta. To me.

I have been playing in this hobby longer than some of you have been alive (that’s sad on a different level for me) and I think this year I’ve decided to step away from it.

There is no drama. There is no hard feelings. My life just doesn’t fit around it anymore. As well as play not being available to keep me invested. This is NOT a gripe. It’s my ADHD brain that wanders and fills my time if not occupied. I’m just a little sad to think my MU* time might be just done. I know it will always be there to come back to and I’m sure I’ll lurk on this site because I have a sick fascination with it. It’s just hard to put into words. Like … oh… but that oh holds so much.

That said. I got to spend the last year or so catching back up with people that I haven’t spoken to in years. I got to hear how their RL lives are going and see how their story telling (and mine) have changed. I got to get giddy running into people that do actually cross my mind from time to time. So I’m pretty excited about that and if I have RPed with you this last year. I have ENJOYED it. If I have paged you, I feel HONORED to catch up and I feel undeserving to those that got excited to meet back up with me.

No matter our differences and our opinions and sometimes our toxic rightness, I appreciate the people of this community.

I’m just in my feels about this realization and I’m just sharing to people who might understand (my RL people are not MU* people).

So in conclusion to my brain dump you all!

@hobos said in hobos Temporary Ban Discussion Thread:

… makes me doubt that every actual predator that you all have dogpiled in this hobby is even a predator at all.

Nope. We are not doing this today. I understand you are upset and I am not validating their comments about you. However, we are not going to go down the road you are steering. Please just don’t. As a person who dealt with one of these people, don’t invalidate my experience because you are angry at someone or something said to you.

Please just don’t.

My peeve is that this hobby is like a teenage toxic ex to me. I want to give it time, but I don’t have time to really give it. I like the good times, but the bad times were BAD. However, I still really love and miss it. I can’t really quit it, but I can’t start it and I’m in a loop of I miss the stories and writing, but then… but then.

I love all of you though!