The Stupid Things We Do

tieflinguist

@Herja I will state, for the record and for all to see, everything you have ever GMed for me has been amazing fun.

The only reason I don’t bang on your door for more is the feeling I described in my previous post – not wanting to come off as one of those “will take everything not nailed down and then move on” people. So I probably end up coming across like I’ve moved on anyway, tbh, which is its own problem. But I am always bouncing-in-my-seat excited for a chance to do stuff with you. Then I just get guilty and turtle-y about asking for more.

Herja

@glitch I didn’t take anything you said poorly. I just wanted to clarify that I wasn’t sharing my thoughts from a place of bitterness but from a place where self-reflection led to some realizations about myself that I was doing stupid things and needed to stop.

hellfrog

@tieflinguist honestly you probably should consider your contacts in this light. It’s healthier, because at the end of the day even if you are or do become a friend, if your target is a staffer, they are basically “at work”.

farfalla

@Herja said in The Stupid Things We Do:

Many MU friends aren’t really friends but more like really active acquaintances.

This is such a good way to put it. Friendly active acquaintances, even! But friendly isn’t the same as friends, and I personally find it really off-putting when a friendly active acquaintance starts dumping friend-level emotions, information, and expectations on me.

I think I view other players on a game with me almost like co-workers. We’re friendly! I like you! We’re together a lot! I’m not going to tell you about my parents’ divorce.

Herja

@farfalla This has been my approach for a few years and it works. That shift into thinking that friendly does not mean we are friends has changed how I feel about the hobby and I feel like I am being much more fair with those I play with than I was before. I don’t see it really as something I want that I can’t have so I am sad about it but something that I shouldn’t have wanted and was only doing it out of unhealthy feelings on my part. I will chat about game stuff and story ideas and superficial life stuff all the time because I am like one of four extroverts in the hobby, I think, but I’m not going to talk in depth about my personal life and probably not be open to talking that deep about someone else’s if that relationship isn’t established already.

sao

Which does mean it can sometimes be hard to figure out when you have slid across the border between friendly acquaintance and friend because it absolutely happens, but it can also happen at work, so…

Pavel

@farfalla said in The Stupid Things We Do:

@Herja said in The Stupid Things We Do:

Many MU friends aren’t really friends but more like really active acquaintances.

This is such a good way to put it. Friendly active acquaintances, even! But friendly isn’t the same as friends, and I personally find it really off-putting when a friendly active acquaintance starts dumping friend-level emotions, information, and expectations on me.

I think I view other players on a game with me almost like co-workers. We’re friendly! I like you! We’re together a lot! I’m not going to tell you about my parents’ divorce.

Amen. Additionally, I enjoy spending time with you, but I also enjoy spending time with these other people, and I am not going to prioritise you over them at this our work place.