The Stupid Things We Do

tieflinguist

@Herja I apologize for my phrasing there, because my intent wasn’t to guilt trip you. Rather, just that as someone who has a character that’s currently reliant on you for the majority of her meta-whatever-hooks that can actually be acted upon, I already feel like I’m taking-taking-taking and that there’s not really a lot I can do to like, give back other than saying “thank you” – but then inevitably needing to ask for more. Like, I don’t really know what, if anything, can be done about that feeling because it really is just me feeling bad about not being able to bring much to the transactional side of things – I can take a lot from you and give back enthusiasm, which feels like I’m coming to you, taking stuff (and time, and energy) and paying for it by getting excited to take more stuff.

Maybe this isn’t how you see it – it doesn’t seem to be – but it’s a self-sabotaging feeling that I don’t really seem to have much choice with, as to when it comes and how long it sticks around.

Which, you know, The Stupid Things We Do on MU*s.

glitch

@Herja A lot of interactions could probably be reduced to transactional in nature depending on how you look at it, but I get what you’re saying. And I didn’t mean my commentary as any sort of judgment, just something that garnered a reaction from me. It also seems my comment may have jumped the cart off the tracks into places I didn’t intend. I did not mean it as a reflection on how I would approach you specifically, but just more generally a thought on what it meant to approach things with more experience leading to a tighter rein on self.

sao

Creating story is cooperative. Your GM wants to create story. That’s why they’re there. There are few things more satisfying for me as a GM than when players engage with shit I’ve made for them, except maybe when they try really hard to date my NPC.

I feel like it’s super common to feel self-conscious when you have “too much” story and to feel left out when you have “not enough” story, but a lot of that is stuff we do to ourselves as players. All I can say is that it really can’t be the storyteller’s responsibility to manage my anxiety about engaging with story, that’s gotta be my job.

Herja

@tieflinguist But as staff, the only expectation I have of you is to be respectful of staff, your fellow players, and yourself. You don’t need to DO anything in that case because when I agreed to be staff, I chose it because I wanted to create story and be in that position with no expectation that I get anything from it other than others having fun. My fun is in being in that role and creating stories. I am chasing my fun and I expect any player I GM for to chase their own fun. If you find what I do isn’t fun, then I expect you to tell me and we either work on an alternative or I give that story to a different GM who might be more compatible. The ideal is that we are both having fun and enjoying the story. You don’t need to DO anything to ‘earn’ it.

tieflinguist

@Herja I will state, for the record and for all to see, everything you have ever GMed for me has been amazing fun.

The only reason I don’t bang on your door for more is the feeling I described in my previous post – not wanting to come off as one of those “will take everything not nailed down and then move on” people. So I probably end up coming across like I’ve moved on anyway, tbh, which is its own problem. But I am always bouncing-in-my-seat excited for a chance to do stuff with you. Then I just get guilty and turtle-y about asking for more.

Herja

@glitch I didn’t take anything you said poorly. I just wanted to clarify that I wasn’t sharing my thoughts from a place of bitterness but from a place where self-reflection led to some realizations about myself that I was doing stupid things and needed to stop.

hellfrog

@tieflinguist honestly you probably should consider your contacts in this light. It’s healthier, because at the end of the day even if you are or do become a friend, if your target is a staffer, they are basically “at work”.

farfalla

@Herja said in The Stupid Things We Do:

Many MU friends aren’t really friends but more like really active acquaintances.

This is such a good way to put it. Friendly active acquaintances, even! But friendly isn’t the same as friends, and I personally find it really off-putting when a friendly active acquaintance starts dumping friend-level emotions, information, and expectations on me.

I think I view other players on a game with me almost like co-workers. We’re friendly! I like you! We’re together a lot! I’m not going to tell you about my parents’ divorce.

Herja

@farfalla This has been my approach for a few years and it works. That shift into thinking that friendly does not mean we are friends has changed how I feel about the hobby and I feel like I am being much more fair with those I play with than I was before. I don’t see it really as something I want that I can’t have so I am sad about it but something that I shouldn’t have wanted and was only doing it out of unhealthy feelings on my part. I will chat about game stuff and story ideas and superficial life stuff all the time because I am like one of four extroverts in the hobby, I think, but I’m not going to talk in depth about my personal life and probably not be open to talking that deep about someone else’s if that relationship isn’t established already.

sao

Which does mean it can sometimes be hard to figure out when you have slid across the border between friendly acquaintance and friend because it absolutely happens, but it can also happen at work, so…

Pavel

@farfalla said in The Stupid Things We Do:

@Herja said in The Stupid Things We Do:

Many MU friends aren’t really friends but more like really active acquaintances.

This is such a good way to put it. Friendly active acquaintances, even! But friendly isn’t the same as friends, and I personally find it really off-putting when a friendly active acquaintance starts dumping friend-level emotions, information, and expectations on me.

I think I view other players on a game with me almost like co-workers. We’re friendly! I like you! We’re together a lot! I’m not going to tell you about my parents’ divorce.

Amen. Additionally, I enjoy spending time with you, but I also enjoy spending time with these other people, and I am not going to prioritise you over them at this our work place.