Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent

[Testament]

Giving a small update on things. I wrote my first plot synopsis for Seven Nations in a while, as well as threads for two different plots. It’s nice to be able to write without feeling like I’m taxing myself. Looking back now at the last month, I see a lot of points where I could’ve been better, but with the realization that I knew when to ask for help when I did. I think it’s good to continue to take accountability for things I’ve said, but not be prisoned by them.

The guilt and memory remain, and I still believe it will for a long time. But I think it’s more…manageable? I can’t think of a better word for it. Where the coping with loss becomes something you’re used to. I don’t believe that’s something anyone should have to acclimatize to, but. It does.

Still, things are getting better. And thanks to those who reached out to me. I appreciate the support.

[IoleRae]

@Testament

my favorite thing for grief has been the wave analogy/story/cultural meme.

https://thelossfoundation.org/grief-comes-in-waves/

I’ve found it incredibly accurate for what I’ve been dealing with and helpful for understanding what’s going on with me.

[IoleRae]

I have determined for SURE that I have a particular trigger (it’s sound based) for trauma, and it’s actually really really scary, because I have no idea why that sound triggers me. No memory of badness, can’t associate it with anywhere in my history, nothing. I have gone through the places I lived with a mental fine tooth comb, and nothing. Absolutely nothing. But hearing it kicks me to processing with the survival part of my brain EVERY time. Every time.

It’s really scary cos I can’t tell why. I know I lot a lost of memory, but this is the first time the holes have shown up like this.

[Narson]

I’ve been really happy the last week or so, but it’s the happiness that comes with…idk, failing? Starting to feel like the biggest dumb in the universe. Whatever, I’m happy and I’ll squeeze the enjoyment I can until it is over, then I’ll find a way. I always do.

[Pavel]

@IoleRae Thanks to the absolute bonkers bullshit that goes on in our brain (as we psychology students say), especially when retaining and training memories… there’s very likely no sensible reason for a particular sound, or music, or whatever it is to be linked to traumatic memory, or something your brain finds as a traumatic prompter. It may be linked to something you just can’t remember, but it’s also possible that it’s just a random link that your traumatised brain has “decided” to make in the absence of actual memory.

It’s fuckin’ bizarre, right?

[IoleRae]

@Pavel

Yes. Yes, it is. Brains are terrible.

[Nynrose]

My husband died three years ago. This weekend I attended my nephew’s wedding; the first wedding since my husband died. I had been looking forward to it all month long because these last two years has been nothing but funeral after funeral as family members and friends passed; I’ve lost count how many.

I got through ceremony just fine. It was short, sweet, and only 15 minutes long. This mostly had to do with the fact that the church they had it in had no air conditioning so the priest decided to get to the point early on.

I made it to the reception. I was doing ok. All was good. Then they started announcing the arrivals. I lost it, right there. It was the silent hide my face cry because I didn’t want 60 strangers staring at me. Somehow I managed to wipe all the tears off without running to the restroom, get through the first dances, and eat. But the longer I stayed the more I needed to just leave.

So about 45 minutes into the reception, I fled. I left a family member rather confused at my departure, who texted me to find out what was going on when I fled. I had to tell her that I needed to leave because I really didn’t want to ugly cry in front of 60 strangers, nor did I want to bring the reception down because I was ugly crying in front of 60 strangers. The event needed to be about the bride and groom; not my grief over how the wedding was set up very much like mine was when I got married.

I got home and threw myself into setting up the soaker hose for my garden, which I’d failed to untangle and get together that morning. It’s not pretty, and I’m sure I could have done better, but now I have a timed water management system that seems to be working.

[IoleRae]

@Nynrose

Thinking good thoughts your way. Congratulations on the soaker hose, I bet that’s going to help with gardening a lot.

[Nynrose]

@IoleRae said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:

@Nynrose

Thinking good thoughts your way. Congratulations on the soaker hose, I bet that’s going to help with gardening a lot.

Once I figure out the best timer setting for watering, it definitely will. I’m still testing that all out.

[GF]

@Nynrose I like to hope anyone would be understanding of your grief in that moment, and impressed at the strength it took to last as long as it did.

[mietze]

I used to be in day to day survival mode. Now it feels like it’s hour to hour. It is a very strange place to be. Presumably things will be better after next Tuesday. But there’s a lot of hours between now and then.

[RightMeow]

@mietze sometimes we have to do minute by minute and breath by breath. Just remember you have people to reach out for if you need it.

I don’t know if we’ve interacted (I’m bad with alts, etc), but I’m here in my cool little private chat if you need. I’m busy, but I’ll try to check in at least once a day.

[GF]

@mietze Would it help if I invited you to talk about it, or do you prefer to keep it private?

[ratatat]

I’m an Uber Eats driver + carer for my grandma who has early dementia. It’s been a struggle, but I’ve been dealing. Yay me. Then yesterday, I got the dreaded covid diagnosis. Can’t work. Can’t risk being around my grandma and bills that were teetering on being paid a day or two late are now going to be a week+ in arrears. And the bank account currently has less than 1 dollar in it. Life is ‘wonderful’.

[Selira]

After about a year and a half of pain, about two and a half weeks ago, the front half of one of my teeth suddenly fell off. Had it extracted a few days later, getting the sutures out tomorrow, but I’m sitting here worried I messed them up already. Starting up a long process to get an implant, which, well. As someone who made it twenty years without dental issues, this is kind of a lot. Also finally getting a real look at what dental work I’ll need.

Take care of your teeth.

[Meg]

@ratatat hey, I know people are often very cringe at asking for support, but we can and have offered support to other users in the past. If you are up for it, I’d be willing to offer something to help.

[Testament]

@Selira I just went to the dentist yesterday for two fillings. Last month was a crown. Next week is to repair a broken filling. I’m getting all this dental work done now because I want it all in order before my wedding.

But a dry socket is no laughing matter, when you get one extracted. I’ve only ever had one tooth removed, which was a wisdom tooth, but I keep being told it is one of the most painful things you can experience. Ever. Treat straws like they are your mortal enemies for a week afterwards.

I went fifteen years without dental insurance. I’m actually pretty lucky I don’t have more problems. If you ever need to talk about this, let me know.

[Pavel]

@Testament said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:

but I keep being told it is one of the most painful things you can experience.

It is. I’ve passed stones, had post-surgical infections, and watched The Bachelor. Dry socket is THE. WORST. PAIN.

[Testament]

@Pavel Yeah. When I had my crown put on, they had to dry the area completely to put the crown over the exposed root. And just that blowing of air was some incredible pain. So I can only imagine.

[Pavel]

@Testament Yeah, I mean when you read up on what dry socket actually is (I had no clue before having teeth pulled out of my head) it makes a tonne of sense. Like “oh, I’m exposing raw nerves and actual bone to the air, saliva and bacteria and shit are getting into very vulnerable parts of my face, and I also get to feel my soft tissues actually growing?” Yeah… it’s a nasty combo of pain-fuckery that the body doesn’t know how to process.