I came to a game when asked by a friend.
I created a char and that char became platonic friends with Ruiz’ character. They presented to me IC as gay, so flirting was just teasing not serious IC.

Then they put me in a very trauma inducing scene. They refused to let me leave the scene. Then when their IC SO got upset OOC. They asked for a retcon. I felt OOC violated but at the same time (I know it sounds stupid) I felt like I had done something wrong in it. So I said sure and it would probably be best that we not interact.

Then they would come into any scene that I was publicly in to make me nope out. They would page me how I was being mean to them and showing how horrible I was. How I just used people, etc. and that’s shown by my distancing myself. — Ignore I was trying to create a boundary.

They would also tell me about their RL difficulties and that is why they couldn’t read the room, etc.

Then I just silently left the game. No fanfare. I would log on and just be struck with an inability to talk to anyone or do anything because I thought they would show up.

The person that started out as my friend was no longer my friend without explanation and I was hurt and unsure how to process that, but I just walked away.

After I left, someone finally asked me what happened there in a private message because shit was going down for others. So I told them what happened and what went down. This is where I learned that they were telling people lies about the interactions, about my RL intergrity, and just a whole lot of bad shit.

They know what they are doing. They don’t care or they would stop doing it. I’m sure they aren’t the evil because I normally think people aren’t but hurting others isn’t a cry for help; it’s abuse.

That said. I’m not fully sure I’m fully over it now. I still get panic over thinking I’ve mis-stepped or whatnot and I don’t want to form friendships OOC and a lot more that’s come from it.

Anyways. That’s my run in, on this board as well.

Moving on – just realize there are real people behind the fictional characters online. Take a deep breath and just try to be kind.

I get people all the time looking at me and asking how I can possibly forget to eat when I have a day off. I tried to explain it once.

Start - I’m hungry I should make a sandwich
Walk in kitchen
Notice dishes aren’t put away
Put dishes away
Consider the cabinet
Decide to re-organize the dish cabinet
Look at the other cabinets.
Remember that you were supposed to text someone
Send text
Why am I hungry?
Go to make sandwich
Get out plate - feel like you accomplished something looking at your organized dishes
Open fridge
Realize that you forgot to throw out some leftovers
Throw out leftovers
Trash has to go out
You should probably make it one trip
Clean out fridge
Decide to clean out fridge
Might as well do freezer
Stand there trying to remember what you were originally doing because you know it was something not fridge related
Oh right! Trash
Take out trash
Probably should get mail. Is it Sunday? That would be really awkward if the neighbors saw you check mail on Sunday. You know there is no mail on Sunday, but would they know you know? Mentally review your week
It’s Wednesday, check mail.
Go back inside
Oh, dog needs out
Come back, respond to text
Still hungry
Remember you were making a sandwich
Look at clock
It’s pretty close to next meal, should you eat now or wait
This debate lingers far more than it should
Ponder dinner
Look for dinner ideas
Get up to remember what you don’t have frozen as you don’t have time to defrost it
Go back to looking up dinner ideas
Read boards (ahem)
Still hungry.
Look at time.
Ponder if you have time to eat before bed.
You have to eat
Order pizza/grubhub/etc because hey it will get here
Remember you have a plate on the counter
…

It goes on and on.

I just want everyone to know that I have appreciated each and every one of you. I know I’m not ‘in crowd’ or anything, but thank you for all the stories. I’m not leaving this board like I posted on the other one. I just want to let you all know too.

On MSB - all of you being involved with me or reaching out led to my handling of DownWithOPP and with my issues with Ruiz. I’m avoidant IRL about emotions and stuff, so it helped. I would never have said anything if no one reached out. Also IRL - the ADHD board led me to a diagnosis that helped my RL. While I’m quiet a lot and I don’t share personal things too much - I just want you all to know that I appreciate each of you.

I also wanted to post it on this board because it’s spawned on MSB and those things happening happened there. So thank you. Thank you for engaging with me here and there. Thank you for RPing with Esme on Arx. I have enjoyed every scene, every time.

Okay, carry on.

Thank you.

@shit-piss-love

I had a person or two reach out in private message to me here to invite me to their games. I didn’t have the spoons for it at the time, but I fucking appreciated it. So maybe if you open a game, just send them a chat you’d like them to play there. That way it’s not public but you don’t have to have Discord or other OOC connections. This coming from someone who doesn’t discord.

@hobos said in hobos Temporary Ban Discussion Thread:

… makes me doubt that every actual predator that you all have dogpiled in this hobby is even a predator at all.

Nope. We are not doing this today. I understand you are upset and I am not validating their comments about you. However, we are not going to go down the road you are steering. Please just don’t. As a person who dealt with one of these people, don’t invalidate my experience because you are angry at someone or something said to you.

Please just don’t.

So this isn’t a vent well it sort of is but it’s like 90% good and 10% sad.

Last week I started tracking food and being more accountable to myself about my food choices. It went fine. I felt fine. No headaches that sometimes come with it. I went out to dinner with a friend. I just accounted for it and ate super super clean the day before and day after.

I do my weight check-in on Monday with myself and I lost 2.3 pounds. Not drinking enough water or added exercise yet. I really just started meal prepping my lunches, etc.

So my 90% is that I’m super proud of me. Small victory, but a victory. My 10%? I can’t share this with anyone in my life. They would just say it’s water weight or that it’s just two pounds in a first week and come back after it’s 10 pounds or more.

I’m keeping this to myself because I don’t want the people around me to defeat me, but sometimes it also sucks, you know?

Anyways – thank you for reading!

Remember to be kind we are all on our own journeys in life.

… oops?

I made a post about the bannings (as I got home and caught up). Then Derp posted. Then he deleted it but I was 10 paragraphs into my response.

Well, my bad.

Also, not that I’m involved (or my opinion matters in the grand scheme of things), but I respect all of you. I have enjoyed all the interactions even if I didn’t agree. I don’t think this was warranted. I know everyone is joking, but I’m sorry that it happened to you.

Now, back to the lies and slander.

This is just my opinion. Opinion. Not right. Not wrong. Just a thought in my own mind. Nothing to say your thoughts are wrong.

I feel like when people say ‘many people have told me’ and they don’t want to talk about it; it decreases the effectiveness of those willing to voice it.

(Note I don’t play these games and have nothing personally invested here)

If I tell you something, I don’t want to be championed for. If I want to be championed for, then I would be willing to let you talk about it. If you are not given that and still bringing it up in a public place – you ARE talking about it. There is a chance that my trust that you’d keep my worries between us is now broken.

If I do have the gumption to say: Hey this happened. It makes it seem like I might just be ‘dogpiling’ and doing it to back up the point of my friend. Is that fair? No. Is it considered? Yes.

Also, part of the issue I got with DWOPP is that they would do stuff like that. They would say hey avoid X because I’ve heard xyz about them. However, they were championing for people and just letting me know. This is not a helpful thing, this is a manipulative tactic. It might not come from a bad place, but it becomes suspect. It’s a tactic the abusers use.

I also feel like ‘lots of people said this’ causes some people (and sometimes the people that need to hear it with the power to do something) to tune out with ‘Oh this again’. Which means it makes it harder for me to come to them with my concerns as well, or invalidates my legit and personal issues with the person.

Also, I want to say this. Doing nothing. Saying nothing. Walking away. It’s valid choice if it’s what you as the person it happened to need to do. Not everyone has the spoons to deal with that, and it’s okay.

End note to all my words (sorry) – At the end of the day, just remember to breathe and be kind.

MU peeve – I’m not on a MU playing.
Also MU peeve – I don’t think I have the time/energy for a new game.
Additional MU peeve – Meeting new people to RP with is either really super fun or really really really stressful.

That is all. Carry on. Just my weekly random comment to stay part of the community.

I was going to put this in my vent but I didn’t want it tainted, with that. The good things.

I worked a very stressful job for years. I set a standard with it. I ran a team of about 150-200 people. I fought ‘the boys club’ and held my own. However, this did not come without a cost. I LIVED my job. I was there 50-70 hours. It was toxic. I could never do it right. I had to work six times harder. My solutions were not solutions. My obstacles were excuses. Then I made the scary decision to quit my job (which I posted here) to give myself a ‘work/life’ balance. I took a pay cut to do this.

Well, I’ve been doing this new job almost 90 days now. So for my check-in. I’m good with this. The culture is very focused on mental health. I’m praised for my strengths. I’m encouraged to give my thoughts and feedback. They are great at saying I’m valued. I’ve been waiting for the shoe to drop, but there isn’t any shoes. This is how it is.

I’m traveling more. I have a few weekends off here and there. I’m going out and reconnecting with my friends and my family more. I just want to check in and say – it was a good choice.

If you are uncertain in something like this. Take the leap. Go on the trip. Do the thing. I’ve been able to decrease anxiety medications. I almost feel like myself again (more on that in other threads), but it was a GREAT decision and my finances have taken care of themselves too.

This is a stupid peeve and I get it.

I have been getting more active again (yay). Last night I was in a scene with people and playing, having fun. Then I dropped some adult humor implication comments.

The scene was great. People were OOC haha’ing at it (and IC). Here is my peeve.

My brain. I have had so many bad experiences with people on games that I immediately felt my stomach drop and panic set in. I worried that I just invited another Ruiz/DWOPP/etc. I don’t think these people are them, but my brain started to panic. If it is them, is my making these comments going to justify it? Or if it isn’t and I yet again get found by one of these people are they going to help them justify?

I hate that in this community this has happened and that my brain now thinks like this. I hate that this goes on in my brain. Now, I"m not letting them win by taking my hobby that I enjoy from me, but I am still peeved this is in my thought process.

Sorry.

You can be anything in life, be kind.

I miss RPing. I’ve filled my hours with other things, but I miss logging on and writing stories with people. I also miss the daily chatting with people I use to chat with about random stuff.

However, the idea of making a new character makes me feel like I don’t have the mental energy. Then I’m not sure how well my RP will be after the ‘break’ I’ve been on.

Anyways, in conclusion – if we’ve RPed at all, you’ve been on my mind and you rock - so thank you for writing stories with me.

I have been working at a job for a few years and it’s toxic af. It’s a frontliner position, so I worked all through that. I’ll pick up hours. I’ll cover other management, etc. I’m also a huge people pleaser - so you can imagine how that went.

The competition in this market was hiring. I figured I would just sound it out. I’ve spent the last five years hearing how extra I am, how I need to calm down my hyper, and I come off as fake - so I need to not be so optimistic. This other company embraced all those things.

My RL happy? I quit my job. I’m taking the other one. It’s going to have more work/life balance. It follows my management style and they are not telling me to shush up and take up less space.

I still stand by your sexy factor, etc is less PB and more RP. Sure, sure your PB can be great or whatever, but if you can build a story with me? Chef’s kiss.

If you can make me cry (not in the bad way), and laugh, and fall in love with the story; that is the sexiest element. I’ll probably breeze over your desc to know how tall and things I might need to notice, but then take my cues from how you pose.

Also, all body types are gorgeous and I’m glad they are out there.

You know, because someone said they wished we had a thread. I present… the thread.

@hobos said in Bannings:

@BloodAngel It was this person. I recognize that icon!

Anyway, reiterating, VulgarKitten said she was sorry in a very large post that was followed by five pages of people attacking her. Is it any wonder she didn’t want to go back to MSB, and actually swore off it in her post? Yeah, she felt safe enough to go back once some people were banned. But that doesn’t mean there is nobody left who doesn’t remember what she did. I guess the people left are just more understanding about it, mostly. Or maybe the new forum rules are just stopping people from being needlessly cruel.

Hi.

I would like to think I am pretty understanding (sometimes too much so). I’m also not banned anywhere (that I’m aware of).

I’m a firm believer in not invalidating anyone’s experience and try not to. I also don’t think many would use cruel as a descriptive word for me. I understand that your truth is yours. That you believe what you believe on the perspective you are given. In some ways, I can even understand using that perception and thinking a friend is being unjustly accused. I get it. You are reacting to what you know.

What I will say is this. I don’t have a personal hatred or a long list of years of discontent with VK. I’ve RPed with them more than a few times. What I will say is on an alt that they didn’t know was me – they set me up OOC pretty good. I don’t owe you my story, so I’m not going to give it. I’m not posting hatred, but what I will say is the observations that you are being given - are not fully correct. I don’t think they are fully lies either. I think it is a selective bias being given to you.

You don’t have to chose to believe it. You state that MSB is just more understanding and less cruel. It’s not actually true. I say this as someone who’s tried to remain neutral. I’m not saying they are cruel and don’t understand. I think it’s the same just provided differently.

Hurt people do not owe you their stories. Their trauma (even if it is a bias or a perception) is their own. You do not have the right to make a person re-live that trauma/that hurt feeling/that disillusionment to prove something to you. If someone does tell you, you should act with humble appreciation and leave it there. People don’t have to validate their experiences. Sometimes the receipts are not yours to ask for. It doesn’t mean people are cruel. It means that life is hard and they are doing what they need to get through it and survive their RL, nevermind the virtual one.

I hope you will take a moment to reflect on how you are being perceived over what you are intending to do. I hope you will take a moment and a breath to know that there is always three sides. What A said, What B said, and what actually happened.

And as I’m known to say - at the end, just try to be kind.

Thank you for taking a moment to read my post. No anger or anything to anyone involved. It is just my hope that while we can’t fix things that happened, that we move forward better than where it was.

Double post because I don’t believe in double post rules (nor drinking water when told to). I’m in my last week at the current job and it’s so freeing. The director likes to scream at my department in meetings. Today is meeting. I thought about it and was like, “Nah, I’m going to pass today.” Which got sort of a blink of confusion. This led to, “I’m out in three days. Why would I want to spend one of them in a meeting getting yelled at about something I can’t change that has passed, or something that will be happening when I’m not here? In fact, since that was all left on my calendar. I’m going to head out for the day and use some of my vacation time left. Have a great day, see you tomorrow.”

Then I booked a massage for the day after my last day. I’m telling you, I should have bit the bullet and did this a year or two ago.

Also, thank you for letting me share that here. Carry on.

My new desc:

Felt cute, might delete later.

I know this is a first world problem and people have it way way way worse but…

I am over my current career. However, the idea of changing it makes me tired. The idea of finding a new job is annoying because I’m at a certain pay range that I don’t really want to lose. I don’t hate it, but I’m burned out in it. I feel too old to start something else (and probably too tired now). I just feel stuck.

Like I said, not the worst vent to have but it’s where I am.

Trauma doesn’t have a catchall response. Also, one person can have different responses depending on the trauma.