Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent
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TW: Toxic Family/Childhood
While it’s gotten easier as an adult, the holidays are never 100% fun and happy when it comes to travel and time together.
I love my family, but I feel like the time I spend with them is always a balance of positive exchanges weighted by the memories of past difficulties. Am I stepping on eggshells out of habit and imagining the landmines are still there? Or no matter how much better things may have gotten is there some level to which people don’t really change? I’m grateful for the positive memories I never thought I’d have since giving second chances and establishing boundaries. I also can’t discredit the growth I’ve witnessed and apologies I’ve received for these past mistreatments.
Getting older meant I was able to move out on my own, build my own life and finally get therapy for myself. I just thought at some point it would also mean I got over the traumas of my past. The older I get though the more I learn you never ‘get over’ your pain you simply learn a healthier way of living with it. Like a muscle in training, your heart just gets stronger as it becomes used to weight and continued motions of this exercise.
It also helps that I’m surrounded by more people who love me than who hurt me now. I have realized the importance of both my existence and my opinions. No matter what happens in the upcoming weeks, I get to return to a place and routine with people who make me feel valued.
To those who also have a holiday season that is stressful, whether for the above or any other reason: You’ve got this. You matter and we will get through this. This has been late night (early morning??) thoughts with SockMonkey. Thank you for tuning in.
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Christmas is on a Monday this year, which means that it and the New Year’s holiday don’t cross over the middle of two different work-weeks. They’re one work-week and an extra Monday, which means we’re anticipating that end of year PTO will probably kick off on December 15 and go up from there.
Because of this, I’ve advised every team I create communications and messaging for that it’s not a good idea to send anything important after December 19 because no one will be here to read it. Sure, you’ll officially check the box that says the communication happened, but very few people will read it and the ones who do won’t remember it by January and everyone will be confused. I’ve been telling them that for a month and they all said that makes sense.
In the last three business days, I have had nine – NINE – new requests for pieces come in that they all want published by the recommended deadline. Two teams submitted three requests each. At 10 AM today, I had someone ask me for change management messaging they want to send to 3,000 people tomorrow. One group wants a communications plan that will carry them to 2025. Nevermind the fact that our editorial calendar is so overloaded from now until December 13 that we’ve already started pushing things to the following week to relieve some of the pressure.
Then today the group that is my problem child and is always my problem child contacts me to tell me they’re “floating a few ideas for stories” and that they “just want to check what my capacity is” for the next week.
None. My capacity is none. My capacity is I have been asking you for this since the beginning of November with some overflow into I have made the intern start vetting requests for me. If y’all want to get me something for the holidays, the thing I want most is for you to learn what a deadline is, thanks.
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pneumonia sucks. It’s been a hard week. Missing out on a lot of stuff but you know you don’t feel good when there’s no pang of fomo. Hoping to finally be on the mend soon.
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I always wondered if I could do the early elementary years, because they just weren’t something I had a chance to do! The lowest I went was a 2-3 class with super gifted 2nd graders.
I now know that the answer is no and not. The constant touching without my permission is driving me CRAZY. Sometimes they don’t even try to say my name first >.> Just come up and start yanking on a part of my body.
When things are unstructured (recess, lunch, etc) I don’t mind them grabbing me. I can’t say I would hear them say my name and/or any other attention getter.
But god help me… When they reach out and touch me in a dead silent room to get my attention instead of raising their hands or saying my name… It just gets me.
My touch meter is FULL by the time I get home atm.
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WHO APPLIES FOR A KITTEN WHEN THEIR CAT IS MISSING?!
WHO DOESN’T FREAK OUT ABOUT THEIR MISSING CAT WHEN IT IS FREEZING AND SNOWING?
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@junipersky said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:
WHO APPLIES FOR A KITTEN WHEN THEIR CAT IS MISSING?!
WHO DOESN’T FREAK OUT ABOUT THEIR MISSING CAT WHEN IT IS FREEZING AND SNOWING?
probably someone who feels the need to take care of something when they are stressed and in mourning? just because they applied for a kitten doesn’t mean they AREN’T freaking out about their missing cat.
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Well, I know for sure they aren’t. Part of our adoption process is a home interview and they said “Oh, I’m not too worried. They have always come back before!”
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@junipersky i’m sure you’ve tried something similar to this so I’m not sure if it would work but I’ve now trained (for the most part) the preschoolers to 3rd graders at my school to hand me their name strips (everyone has a laminated first and last name strip of paper they can put on their table/on floor work they’re leaving in place, ect) when they need me. It helps me a lot too, as I have people in order and I don’t forget (which in the children’s defense I did do a lot before instituting this). One of the lower elementary teachers does this in her class and I was skeptical but I’m a believer now. Once the kids realized that I would not get sidetracked (except for blood, poop, or vomit) and they could trust me to come to them, it worked well and I didn’t have to constantly say “give me two steps back/mind my bubble/I don’t want anyone’s hand in my pocket but mine” or accidentally bootybump some poor child to the ground or step on them if i took a step back or turned around.
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My brain: Can we lie down for a bit?
Me: Sure (lies down in bed)
My brain: That’s not what I said (proceeds to produce whatever chemicals/nerve signals that make you feel like you shouldn’t be lying down)???
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So I bit the bullet and did it. This is pretty much a last ditch effort to keep a roof over our heads but I know everyone is struggling right now. Thank you for reading.
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This last year has been one medical disaster after another. It started back in April with having issues with dehydration, then in August I was diagnosed with 15 cm cyst on my left ovary concerning for cancer. In October I had a hysterectomy to remove those cysts and get anything concerning out and was told I was cancer free. But at the end November, I was told that I have stage 1A Fallopian Tube Cancer - which they found after they biopsied that part some time after my surgery since that’s not the area they were looking in - and I’m starting chemo next week.
I was already struggling financially with all the medical bills from the emergency room visits and surgery that were piling up; the chemo is going to compound that. To top it off, I’m starting chemo right before Christmas so I’m going to be very immunocompromised and won’t get to see family, again, this year after having COVID at Christmas last year.
I am so, so, so, very tired of year after year of ALL THE BAD THINGS happening.
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lots of worse stuff going on, but I am just so tired.
Been sick for what seems like forever, now with the fatigue about the same level as it was when I got infected with covid for the first time. It’s never truly gone away completely. Going to get checked out soon for things beyond the symptoms. I’m trying to not feel super sad at just not having the energy to do much. Or when I push it, worrying that I suck since it feels like doing anything is doing so wearing huge weights. Or my energy is so low that tolerance for stuff I don’t like is low and I don’t wish to inflict that on other people. It’s affecting everything, work life, home life, game life. I know that it’s not my fault per se, but it’s hard to not feel very down, and disappointed, mostly in myself. -
@Nynrose I’m so, so sorry for the year you’ve had. Holidays are hard even when everything is going well. They’re harder when things aren’t. I hope you and your loved ones can find ways to safely keep in touch without compromising your health, and that you find some moments of peace and happiness amidst the darkness.
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My mom’s in the mid to late stages of dementia. Every Christmas Eve since I can remember, we’ve watched It’s A Wonderful Life. Tonight she was bored and agitated throughout, which means she doesn’t remember it or why we were watching it.
Just…fucking sucks.
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@Snackness I’m so, so sorry. It’s so hard watching those we love lose themselves. And it’s so strange grieving the loss of someone who physically is still here with us. The deepest of condolences and support.
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After having a tree come through the wall of our house last year, another tree fell on both of our cars this year. One is likely to be pretty wrecked, the other has one broken side window and some dents and dings.
Plus usual holiday-related stresses. Yay.
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@Roadspike jesus what did you do to piss of the tree gods, this sounds personal
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@Roz We keep talking about how we can bury bodies in the back acreage, but never do it. I think they want their nutrients.
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This one barely rises to the level of a peeve, but: queerbaiting.
So I’m watching What If, a cartoon about MCU stuff set in alternate realities. The last episode I watched–the fifth one of season two, I think–was about what if Peggy Carter became Captain America instead of Steve Rogers. So she does the Captain America stuff, joins the Avengers, and I am not projecting when I say she and Black Widow are totally gay for each other. They never actually say they’re in love or do anything remotely sexual, but they’re coded as being perpetually ten seconds away from kissing…
…for the first few minutes of the episode. Then the plot kicks in and it’s about how Steve is back from the dead, so Peggy forgets she’s one thousand percent in love with Natasha to chase after him and tell him how in love with him she is, despite this breaking Nat’s heart (again, not projecting; the look on Nat’s face in several reaction shots makes it clear). And I could go on, but I don’t want to. Hell, it’s probably my own fault for thinking Disney would ever give me any amount of gay worth talking about. Just…ugh. You suck, Disney, and I don’t want to watch your queerbaity cartoon any more that I was definitely watching legally and not on a pirate site; so THAT will teach you a lesson.
