MU Peeves Thread
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Had a friend who consistently talked shit about other people in the hobby, and wrote them off over the most minor provocations which were generally misunderstandings.
I feel like over the years of our friendship, I have accumulated hours of lost energy trying to smooth things over between them and mostly benign enemies they’d misinterpreted, but I did it because I knew that at least some of the time their concerns were founded. and so it made sense to be extra guarded even over times where concerns weren’t founded. And I’d consistently defend them to other people as being a genuinely good person and a phenomenal writer/RPer, just someone who’s a bit touchy and needs some patience/understanding.
I guess idk why I’d be surprised after all these years to find myself on the other end of the stick, discarded and written off and shit-talked to our mutual friends, but ouch, does the feeling of betrayal really sting.
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@Kestrel I’ve said this before and I stand by it. Anyone who has had that betrayed feeling. Not just saying but truly feeling it; it is the worst heartbreak that has ever been felt on different levels.
I’m sorry you are going through that.
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@Kestrel I’m sorry you’re going through that as well.
As someone who tries to see the best in people and also recovering people pleaser, I’ve been in this situation on MUSH and IRL several times and it hurts just as bad each time. Let yourself grieve. Let yourself feel angry. In my opinion, don’t let it make you regret acting with a genuine good heart though.
You tried to help. There is nothing wrong with that. They hurt you and took advantage of that kindness. Whether intentionally or not, or malicious or not. It doesn’t change the reality of your pain. In my case I still think most (not all) of the people I encountered this with were genuinely hurting people who were struggling on their own path of healing. It doesn’t make their actions any less hurtful, but I can genuinely say I’m at a point in my life now where I either wish them happiness (for those clearly hurting) or am apathetic (for those who were just awful people).
It helps to see if there’s a pattern of that behavior though that it isn’t personal towards me. It still takes awhile to move past though and leaves a lasting hesitancy to let yourself reach out to others in the same way moving forward.
You say ‘all these years’ and it’s easy to focus on how long you let yourself be fooled. Instead, look at how many future years you saved yourself from continuing the same toxic pattern. I’m proud of you and you should find a way to self care because you deserve it.
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just fold it in
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@Kestrel Would you be comfortable naming who it is? Some of us might have similar stories about this person, too.
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@Kestrel Sometimes people come around and understand that they’re being a dick, but too often, I have distanced myself from such people, for you have to know, if that is their SOP, to shit-talk people behind their back, they are doing it to you too. Even if you’re trying to run interference for them.
It sucks.
Sometimes they’re really good roleplayers, it’s such a loss when there are terrible people behind the characters. -
@howyadoin said in MU Peeves Thread:
@Kestrel Would you be comfortable naming who it is? Some of us might have similar stories about this person, too.
Nope. I wish them well.
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If you sign up for something
Go to it
Or tell someone you aren’t going to it
Fucks sake
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@Ashkuri said in MU Peeves Thread:
If you sign up for something
Go to it
Or tell someone you aren’t going to it
Fucks sake
I would say an exception to this is like, one of those big 20-30+ people social scenes where 1-5 people unexpectedly not showing up isn’t going to effect anything.
A smaller scene? Especially one that might center around your character being there? Unless something has happened IRL where you literally cannot send a quick ‘sorry something IRL has come up, can’t make it tonight’, then totally agree.
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@catzilla said in MU Peeves Thread:
A smaller scene? Especially one that might center around your character being there? Unless something has happened IRL where you literally cannot send a quick ‘sorry something IRL has come up, can’t make it tonight’, then totally agree.
What really sucks is when people schedule something on a MU, then not only ghost it, but are very much on the MU in a completely unrelated scene and ignoring pages / attempts to get them to join the scheduled event.
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@MisterBoring I recollect a staffer doing this, with five people waiting around for the scene said staffer had scheduled themself, with all the players evidently too afraid to page, me doing so and getting “I will not be doing that tonight,” as a response to me, and evidently complaints to others about my horrible soul-sucking behavior.
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@Gashlycrumb said in MU Peeves Thread:
I recollect a staffer doing this, with five people waiting around for the scene said staffer had scheduled themself, with all the players evidently too afraid to page, me doing so and getting “I will not be doing that tonight,” as a response to me, and evidently complaints to others about my horrible soul-sucking behavior.
There’s also the inverse, where a player or staff schedules a scene and then nobody shows up, causing the scheduler to become a nuisance, in one case I can recall actively claiming nobody else on the game understands the theme or setting.
