I wasn’t going to reply, but I also don’t want to be spun up into another forum bogeyman.
I wasn’t lying about who I was. I was existing anonymously. There is a difference. Lying is what I did when I was dysregulated, reactive, and poorly medicated six months ago. I chose a new handle when I started my new game because I wanted to run a great game and prove that I’ve done the work and that I’m actually working on the behaviors that have hurt people and made them uncomfortable in the past without people assuming the worst of me. I think anyone on that game will be able to say that my behavior and gamerunning style speak for themselves.
I am not denying most of what you folks have said. You had interacted with me during some times when I had poor emotional regulation, improper medication, bad ideas about what made good RP, and my trauma and anxiety (yes, I am Jewish, and I have had to deal with Christmas-related trauma and I am now aware of how to deal with that) were activating all over the place and splashing onto those around me. I’m not going to get into the specifics of how and why I was behaving the way I was on SR because it really doesn’t matter, but I am not proud of the way I behaved back then, and I am not proud of the way I behaved in September.
I wasn’t seeking any of you out and lying about who I was to get close to you. I wasn’t going out of my way to interact with any of you. I was minding my own business. Running my game. Tried to join Shattered to play with some of my friends who were there. If I interacted with any of you, it was peripherally and neutrally in a public scene. I wasn’t bothering any of you, and believe me, those of you who don’t like me? I want to interact with you as little as you want to interact with me.
You all said to do better. So I got help and I was doing better. I only joined this forum to promote my game, against my better judgment. I never should have engaged or posted at all beyond my game ad. That’s on me. I guess I have a distinctive writing style.
All I wanted to do was run my dumb little worm zombie game and play magic flying ponies with my friends and avoid people with whom I had bad blood. I actually have mended a lot of fences over on my game and it’s been really good for me and has given me a lot of perspective.
@farfalla was right. None of you are obligated to be my learning experience. That’s why I was doing my own thing and trying to let my work and behavior speak for me.
Other people make new handles or choose not to link for various reasons, including people who are legitimate bad actors. I think I understand how this must look, given the trauma that all of us have with fuckery in this hobby. I’m not denying that I have caused harm, but I am not a bad actor. I am someone whose mental illness has become other people’s problems in the past, which was not okay and I have been learning the skills to make sure that doesn’t happen again in any of my social interactions, online or off. I am also someone who you guys find annoying. Maybe I got a little excited and chatty on channel sometimes. I am still learning how much is okay and how much is annoying. That’s something I still need to work on, and I am actively learning how to manage that. As an autistic woman who didn’t get diagnosed until her thirties, there’s a lot of things I am still working on.
I own my behavior and I think the work that I’ve done on 6ix Remains and wherever else is showing that I am making a good faith effort to not be the kind of person I don’t want to be.
So if you are on my game and want to leave, that’s fine. I am not bothering any of you, other than posting in the same threads as you on this forum. I’d appreciate if you’d do me the same courtesy of leaving me alone as well, like I was trying very hard to do for you folks.