MU Peeves Thread
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@Roz Because why request theme info when you CLEARLY know the theme better than the people who wrote the theme…
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My peeve is me. I lost my job of six years two weeks ago because my boss kept dangling mistakes I made years ago like it was the Sword of Damocles. The stress from that for the last three months became too much, went to the hospital for a panic attack, and it was only then that I admitted I had been having thoughts of not wanting be around that made me realize how bad it gotten.
Not a lot brings a good amount of joy right now, beyond hiding for hours on end in Baldur’s Gate. MUing sadly has been the last thing on my mind as of late. I’m on new medication, seeing an actual psychologist who is helping me get properly diagnosed. I feel like this has been something I’ve been struggling and dealing with years and it only came to head recently.
Still. It’s hard to really describe how I feel. I’ve been applying for jobs, trying to get unemployment. But I know I’ve withdrawn from pretty much, well, everyone, beyond a very small handful of people. It’s hard when I think about the idea of “Hey you should mush, you enjoy that.” But then I just think ‘but what’s the point?’.
I’ve thought about leaving the hobby altogether, but I haven’t. I still log in, still look at things, but there’s just no desire. I keep wondering if there’s something wrong with me. Or if it’s simply more of a I feel this way now because I’ve been so mentally exhausted for what feels like, I dunno, over a year, at least. But I do keep hoping the desire will come back. For now, it’s just been easier to stay on the fringes, reading occasionally. But it is a peeve. I wish it would go away.
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With the caveat that I am not a doctor, I would like to note that you have already explained your own peeve. You are seeing an actual doctor who is working to get you on medication that will likely treat these symptoms of depression, and you largely need to wait for them to get to the right dosage in your system to help make things better.
@Testament said in MU Peeves Thread:
…I’m on new medication, seeing an actual psychologist who is helping me get properly diagnosed…
… But I know I’ve withdrawn from pretty much, well, everyone, beyond a very small handful of people. It’s hard when I think about the idea of “Hey you should mush, you enjoy that.” But then I just think ‘but what’s the point?’…
…I’ve thought about leaving the hobby altogether, but I haven’t. I still log in, still look at things, but there’s just no desire. I keep wondering if there’s something wrong with me…
That’s almost certainly why you’ve withdrawn. Why you wish to have the desire you don’t feel.
And it might very well come back.
Or you’ll get to a point where you’re like, “Yeah, there are other things I’m enjoying more and I can choose to leave that hobby behind.”
But in any case, I wish you the best, and I hope that your doctor finds quick treatment for you so that you can get back to choosing and desiring with clearer thoughts, free from the fog of depression. Because that’s likely what’s wrong with you.
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@Testament Keep on keepin’ on. There are tonnes of meds and none of them work for everybody, BUT it will take you ten years to try them all. This is sort of depressing but also means that there is almost certainly one that will work for you. Now there’s a DNA test to help find which ones are more likely to work for you, so if you find yourself on the meds merry-go-round, ask for it.
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@Tributary said in MU Peeves Thread:
@Testament said in MU Peeves Thread:
…I’m on new medication, seeing an actual psychologist who is helping me get properly diagnosed…
… But I know I’ve withdrawn from pretty much, well, everyone, beyond a very small handful of people. It’s hard when I think about the idea of “Hey you should mush, you enjoy that.” But then I just think ‘but what’s the point?’…
…I’ve thought about leaving the hobby altogether, but I haven’t. I still log in, still look at things, but there’s just no desire. I keep wondering if there’s something wrong with me…
That’s almost certainly why you’ve withdrawn. Why you wish to have the desire you don’t feel.
Yep, essentially that. Along with guilt/shame/etc compounding the withdrawal, etc, etc. It’s a fun ride, but you’ve taken the first steps to getting it under control @Testament and that’s super important and those who matter to you are incredibly proud of you, even if they don’t know it yet.
I don’t know your level of experience dealing with medication, but my own experience has been… a fuckin’ rollercoaster. Medicating mental health concerns isn’t an exact science: Every person is a unique special being, and in regular medicine that’s fine the margins of error for medication effectiveness are rather broad. In mental health, that’s not the case.
It’s going to be a lot of trial and error, it’s going to feel like you’re sometimes taking great leaps backwards and very few steps forward. This will both annoy you and cause more turmoil.
But there is a solution to be found, and you will find it.
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Me, with mushes. I want to. I don’t mean to… not. But.
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@Vulgar-Boy TOXIC!
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@Noraaa Everyone is allowed their hobbies.
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I don’t play HavenRPG. Just gonna clarify that upfront before I get the usual response of ‘omg then stop playing’. But I wanna say something about the gaslighting that takes place on its forums, and how that makes me feel about like, life in general and stuff.
So, one of the reasons I don’t play is it has a long-standing policy of never banning bad actors. A few examples of this of particular relevance to me is a guy called Ppurg who’s targeted me with virulent antisemitic remarks over the years, and a friend of his defending Holocaust denial on the game’s OOC channel.
Recently-ish … like 9 months ago now, but the fallout’s still being felt … the game was brigaded by a Neo-Nazi Discord group called Darkchat. People may have heard of them because they made some waves on Reddit when someone joined, disclosed an extensive cache of screenshots concerning their activities to multiple game-runners, and got them mass-banned from multiple games, including Armageddon, TI:L, the Free Zone, etc.
You would think that given Haven’s longstanding policy of never banning bad actors, they wouldn’t care, but they did. Specifically because this group of Nazi brigadiers had a stated mission of attacking the game itself, motivated by their disdain for its policy of permitting underage characters (and sexual scenes involving them), and by a personal feud with Ppurg, a former friend of theirs who actually invited them to the game in the first place.
I can sort of appreciate, tentatively, the hypocrisy of not giving a shit what happens to players on your game, as long as they aren’t actively out to harm the game itself. It’s myopic and self-interested, but that’s how (some) people be sometimes.
The part that really fucks me off, as a Jew, is where staff (namely Tyr and Discordance) will pretend they actually gave half a single shit about the group in question being Nazis. And this is to me a microcosm of a trend I see out in the real world, too — token allyship of convenience. If that were really your concern, you would ban Nazis on your game even when they’re actively contributing to your game or endorsing it, not just when they’re detracting. You shouldn’t get to pretend like you’re an antifascist supersoldier, when you only start caring about Nazis in your community once you yourself become their target.
Also, Ppurg is currently pretending that I’ve somehow victimised him by disclosing personal information about him, somewhere, somehow. I’d like to go on record stating the only thing I’ve disclosed about him, to anyone, is screenshots of antisemitic tirades he’s made about me.
You’re not a victim for suffering consequences for your own actions.
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My peeve is Im too intimidated by Concordia and don’t have anywhere to play now
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@Cobalt Donut be intimidated! Fake it 'till you make it, baby! You can dooooo it!
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@Kestrel Arghhh, fffff.
Dox the fucker if you can. A natural consequences of being a nazi is to get the living shit kicked out of you.
Also, is it just me or is it just getting worse and worse with the open antisemitism etc.?
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@Gashlycrumb The internet is a wonderful, amazing thing for helping you find Your People – but it’s also a horrifying, disgusting thing for helping horrible, disgusting people find Their People, which convinces them that there are a ton of them and “everyone” will support them when they act on their horrible impulses because everyone in their echo chamber supports them when they talk about it.
Having two neo-Nazis in a small rural town was bad enough, but they could just be the town’s missing stair that everyone knew about and avoided, but when those two chuckleheads can go online, find Their People, and get hundreds or thousands of positive responses for their bullshittery, it emboldens them to take their bullshittery offline.
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@Cobalt I honestly would not be intimidated here, there seems to be barely anything going on beyond one group that I just won’t play with. There are some nice people there, I say give it a shot.
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@Kestrel said in MU Peeves Thread:
its policy of permitting underage characters (and sexual scenes involving them)
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This post is deleted! -
Nothing of value was lost.
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PEEVE: Perfectly good free time for RP ruined by chronic migraine.
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Why?
PROS: No one is a stickler for anything. It has slowed down since a spike but staff seems to be kind and attentive.
There is a group of role-players there that write amazingly well and it’s a bit intimidating. They seem to be friends and are active but I haven’t dealt with hostility.
If you give it a go ping me elsemu* and we can always RP.
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@Buttercup Had experiences with some of them on a different game and we do not mesh. It’s a shame, but these things happen.