Don’t forget we moved!
https://brandmu.day/
Real life happy
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Getting to buy a book for my boyfriend’s daughter that was written by an old mush friend who writes (very well received) young adult fiction these days. Not only that, but she really likes it so far (“this is just like SKYWARD”) and I am gonna earn SO MANY cool points when I finally tell her I know the person who wrote it.
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I TOOK HER TO THE ZOO TODAY. It was just us. It was AMAZING.
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it me again
new job a+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
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So, while I’m getting a little self-conscious that I’m posting like eleventy billion times in a row…hopefully this amuses somebody enough that it’s reasonable to post it.
Last night, I had errands to run after work. I stopped at a variety of stores, and finally arrived at one that did not have an automatic door. I stopped, I looked at the door. I pulled my keychain out of my pocket, and I clicked the ‘unlock’ button at the door. I waited several seconds, expecting the door to open.
It did not open.
I realized my mistake, put my keys back into my pocket, and looked around. No one had witnessed my shame.
Whew.
Did I just go to bed, when I got home? Admit that my day had defeated me, and crawled beneath my ELECTRIC BLANKET to drift off to dreamland?
Of course not.
Instead, I played my game. And I went to the furthest corner of the most sprawling map, and I did a quest there. Then, I teleported back to the hub. I was talking to a friend at the time, so I ran out of the hub on auto pilot…all the way back to exactly the same spot I had been in before I had teleported, instead of going through the gate on the other side.
At that point, I finally realized that I had exhausted my brainpower, and it was time to go to bed.
tl;dr: my new job is using my brain in a way that it hasn’t been used for about a year, and my brain is tired, and I am tired, but it’s a GOOD tired, instead of the terrible sort. I am doing GOOD WORK and it is the most incredible feeling.
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To counter my RP Peeve… a RL Happy.
The day before Christmas, during the cold snap, my HVAC was having issues. It wouldn’t go above 59 and nothing I did brought it up. I also got Covid this weekend. I called the installation company that also does the service for help after making sure the Covid issue wasn’t going to be an issue on their website (it was) and if they could come out. I didn’t have an active service plan in place but I had been working on it prior to the issue cropping up. We just hadn’t finalized the details. They refused to come out. I bought a space heater and fretted out the week that they were closed because they were out for the entirety of Christmas week. I fretted all week long, thinking I’d have to sacrifice the rest of my bonus and an arm and a leg to the HVAC gods to get it fixed.
I know, I know, this all sounds bad so far… The space heater got the house through the cold snap and the heater worked when the temps warmed up. I got the service agreement in place and a service scheduled for last Friday. As it turns out, the issue with the heater wasn’t anything mechanical. When they changed out the thermostat a year and a half ago, they had wired it wrong. So, not only did I get my HVAC serviced, but the fix to the heater issue was free of charge since, while it was out of warranty, it was their fault to begin with since they were the ones to wire it up.
So, what might have been a financial disaster for me, ended up being a nice start to 2023 instead. And, behind that, I got news that one of my close friends with Stage 4 cancer has exceptionally good numbers leading into her debulking surgery and she might actually be looking at a long, long life if all goes well with that and the chemo following it.
More of that please.
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I am at new job now.
My poor brain hasn’t been used like this in years, but that’s not a complaint.
I am ridiculously, ridiculously, stupidly, incredibly happy that I can sleep in in the mornings, and do work at 10PM at night if I feel like it. Not only is it OK, but I am NOT THE ONLY PERSON ON MY TEAM TO DO THIS.
eta: also I officially have permission to contract MY assistant person from my last job. He is to me what I am to my boss – fills in my gaps and makes my job possible, so getting him on board in going to be HUGELY helpful.
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So had to move teams at work due to some odd things. On my new team, already killing it this year! Beating my old team lead in sales, showing being a team player and positive works! Feel like a Rockstar!
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I looked at what was left for me to pay off on my car and realized that I had enough saved in my ‘car care’ account (for insurance, maintenance, unexpected repairs, and down payment toward the next car) to cover everything but a catastrophic event AND be able to pay off the car.
So I did it, and it makes me happy. The only debt we have now is the house and I’ve now saved the money I would have spent on interest.
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I haven’t had a panic attack (or even the threat of one) in almost three weeks since I started my newest medication. The absence of that is like being able to breathe again. I hope it keeps up this way.
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After going to various therapists over my life, I eventually stopped a couple years ago because I was tired of talking to someone when it felt like anything I talked about they didn’t hear. Or didn’t care about. So I stopped going. My wife, knowing that my own struggle with depression has been a constant battle in my head, pleaded that I go back. And even suggested a therapist that works for her therapist. Eventually, I agreed, because I know it was the best thing to do, despite my reservation on it.
So the first thing I noted is that my therapist looks exactly like me. It was strange having a doppleganger as your therapist, but oddly fitting in some way. Like a more well-adjusted more successful version of yourself talking to you.
And finally, he gave me a proper diagnosis. Persistent Depressive Disorder. Which I’ve learned used to be called Dysthymia. But my reason for posting this is here, is that it’s good to be told something other than “Well, you’re depressed.” No fucking shit, I know that, but what can I do about it beyond think things that I’m terrible at and how I’ll never actually be better than I am.
Being given this give context to things. It partially answers the ‘Why’ question I ask literally everything in life. Why. I feel like this therapist acatually gives a shit about my emotional health. And I really appreciate that. So. That’s good.
It’s good.
I don't know what I'm doing. Poke at Seven Nations sevennations.aresmush.com port 2021
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@Testament said in Real life happy:
After going to various therapists over my life, I eventually stopped a couple years ago because I was tired of talking to someone when it felt like anything I talked about they didn’t hear. Or didn’t care about. So I stopped going. My wife, knowing that my own struggle with depression has been a constant battle in my head, pleaded that I go back. And even suggested a therapist that works for her therapist. Eventually, I agreed, because I know it was the best thing to do, despite my reservation on it.
So the first thing I noted is that my therapist looks exactly like me. It was strange having a doppleganger as your therapist, but oddly fitting in some way. Like a more well-adjusted more successful version of yourself talking to you.
And finally, he gave me a proper diagnosis. Persistent Depressive Disorder. Which I’ve learned used to be called Dysthymia. But my reason for posting this is here, is that it’s good to be told something other than “Well, you’re depressed.” No fucking shit, I know that, but what can I do about it beyond think things that I’m terrible at and how I’ll never actually be better than I am.
Being given this give context to things. It partially answers the ‘Why’ question I ask literally everything in life. Why. I feel like this therapist acatually gives a shit about my emotional health. And I really appreciate that. So. That’s good.
It’s good.
I have dysthymia. It’s good to get help. When I was ready my therapist referred me to a psychiatrist and he diagnosed my dysthymia as probably stemming from an anxiety disorder, and prescribed me meds which have, over the course of the past 6-8 months, slowly helped me gain some control over my brain.
My room is still a fucking mess.
But my brain is better, which means I can tackle the rest.
In Occam I trust.
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@Coin said in Real life happy:
My room is still a fucking mess.
We don’t talk about the state of our rooms.
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@Testament I have this too, and I’m so glad you got a diagnoses from a good therapist. YMMV of course but mine has responded very well to medication.
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@Snackness said in Real life happy:
@Testament I have this too, and I’m so glad you got a diagnoses from a good therapist. YMMV of course but mine has responded very well to medication.
Dysthymia Club. We don’t get together but we wave, kinda, when we feel like it.
In Occam I trust.
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@Coin said in Real life happy:
@Snackness said in Real life happy:
@Testament I have this too, and I’m so glad you got a diagnoses from a good therapist. YMMV of course but mine has responded very well to medication.
Dysthymia Club. We don’t get together but we wave, kinda, when we feel like it.
“Are you down with DDP?”
“Yeah, you know me.”
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@Coin said in Real life happy:
@Snackness said in Real life happy:
@Testament I have this too, and I’m so glad you got a diagnoses from a good therapist. YMMV of course but mine has responded very well to medication.
Dysthymia Club. We don’t get together but we wave, kinda, when we feel like it.
You’re all welcome at Bipolar Club meetings, but only every second one.
He/Him. Opinions and views are solely my own unless specifically stated otherwise.
BE AN ADULT -
That was good.
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After one of my colleagues departed and I got saddled with a lot of extra work, I sat my supervisor down and basically told him that I knew I was being undercompensated. He said he’d do his best, because he wanted to keep the team together, and because we kick ass together (True.)
Four months went by. I started browsing Indeed and such on the regular. Pretty much resigned myself to a 5%ish increase, and it wasn’t going to cut it to stay. Last week, I finally got news from him.
Promoted. New Title - better title than I suggested. 30% raise. 30. Percent.
Remember how I said I wasn’t having panic attacks? This is the closest I’ve come to one, sitting through that meeting, because apparently my body has forgotten how to process extreme amounts of joy. Teared up in the meeting. I had to scamper away directly after the meeting and run into the bathroom and squeal into my hands.
My life feels like it’s starting to come together, all of the sudden.
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@Solstice That is amazing! I’m so happy for you!
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It’s so weird, but I live in The City half time, now. I look out the window and there’s lights and people no matter the hour. My new schedule is solid, it’s every other week; I get my people time in at the office (in person, and omg I love these people SO much), and those other weeks…I never expected to live here, and I basically do. Looking out the window here is amazing. I can get off on my exit on the freeway and get right to my parking space without any trouble, and I don’t even feel any anxiety about it any more.
Having stability is helpful; NewJob has me into a stricter rhythm than we had before. It’s nice. I get to see his kids, but they’re not here every time I am. My therapist has taken her week off between working for somebody else and opening her own practice, and she just emailed me saying she’s ready whenever I am. Things are…good.
I gotta say, folks – if things get bad, just…hang in there. The only way out is through. I’ve had one hell of a fucking year, things could not have been worse – and things could also not have been better. It’s…been a year, lol. My partner passed away, my boss (The Dream Boss, folks) got fired, as did one part of my team; the rest of my team quit, except for me and one other person (plus a couple of new hires)…I got kicked out of the place I’d been staying pretty abruptly (family, sigh), ended up having to cut off some family (sigh)…
…reunited with The One, the guy I’ve been in love with since I was an actual child (it’s okay, he’s the same age as me)…quit the job that turned terrible to go work for The Best Boss again doing the most INCREDIBLE work (shit we’d always talked about getting to do if we had the opportunity at our old place of work)…stuff that matters in the day to day lives of people who it makes a super huge difference for. It’s doing good on a daily, tangible level. Every day. I have stable housing, my kid is doing SO well, and we’re in a situation now that if something happens to me, he’s ultimately going to be okay. We have people.
The feral kitten, the little bebe, the boyfriend agreed to take her, and she is the sweetest little housecat guys. She is forever inside now and she is so happy, she bonded with him, she was guarding his back tonight and everything. He loves her.
WHEW. Vet appointments are a million years out, but they are had.Y’all who helped me get through this, @mietze and @Testament and @Pavel and @GF and @Selira and and everybody else…(I’m not sure of everyone’s BMD names, and y’all know I have holes in my brain, I’m sorry!! I love you, person I did not list here!), thank you.
the entity previously known as Sunny
