Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent
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@Pavel Hence not seeing her sadly. Clicked for three weeks sadly, thill this.
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When you get coached at work for calling out someone for using ableist language in a work environment.
Cobalt@Under the Stars
cob.alt@Discord
Cobalt#[email protected] -
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@BloodAngel I mean I shouldnāt have @ād them in the group chat. But sorry I have mentally delayed and autism spectrum family members youāre not dropping the r word because you didnāt read a quiz question close enough.
I might also be a touch sensitive because the most severely mentally delayed family member is in the hospital rn and itās been a hell of a week already.
Cobalt@Under the Stars
cob.alt@Discord
Cobalt#[email protected] -
@Cobalt Still fuck them, fight for all. All deserve respect the end.
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My youngest did youth first aid and cpr training with his cub scout den tonight, and while I didnāt attend I was asking him about the activities he did.
One of the techniques they practiced was in essence packing a severely bleeding wound hole with gauze and pressure. Packing, not just pressure. For a specific reason which maybe they went over but my kid is only 9 and has ADHD so Iām not sure it really hit him.
I actually donāt think about school and community violence often except during my trainings. This year in my cpr/first aid training for the first time in taking about 35 years of keeping my red cross first aid/cpr/later AED training up to date every two years, there was a quick clotting bandage and tourniquet component. (For the rest of the time itās always been NEVER use a tournique unless given instructions to by 911/EMSāexcept thatās not the world we live in and hasnāt been for awhile).
I also notice that all of the hallways in my kidsā school (public) have bleeding control kits labeled as such, and my (private) school Iām employed at is getting them too.
Itās really hitting me in my deep feelings tonight. I wonder when it was coming, since usually it happens when I pack a bunch of lollipops in my substitute go-bag, but that didnāt happen this year. Justā¦Iāve had to use my community cpr/first aid training for a lot of incidents over the years (choking, epi pen, lacerations, ect) but the fact that itās now decided that tourniquets and hemostatic gauze is entering the community Red Cross training makes my heart heavy even if Iām glad that it is.
And my 9 year old practiced packing a bullet wound type of injury tonight.
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Iām sorry. The world is not right and thatās not something our children should have to deal with.
I was shot taking my son to a playoff basketball game a couple of years ago by a rival teamās fan for wearing the wrong team jersey in Denver. My world turned upside down and I quit gaming and all interactions while I processed, and it led to positive life changes and new horizons for me. My autistic son however came through without issues from it. I couldnāt fathom why it didnāt harm him. Kids are stronger than we give them credit for.
Itās shocking to us and tragic. But itās their world. He had already had shooter drills. Got the same level of training you described. I think it prepared him way better for that reality than me. I still have nightmares from it, and he was way more prepared. Thatās tragic.
Iām sorry for your pain in this. It sucks. Wish the world was a better place.
Weāve had three lockdowns this year alone at my youngest (11 about to be 12) school.
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I feel concerned honestly that as a teacher of 2-9 year olds, that there are certain elements of this that Iāve becomeā¦I donāt want to say used to, but resigned to.
The truth is at least at my school and I hope others, we are very open in our drill practices that the main thing we are training for is listening to instruction and knowing the various places that they might be instructed to go. Iāve been in the ECE biz a long time, with breathers now and then. Over 35 years kinda long with about 10 years of a break where I was volunteering that whole time with kids in a school or institutional setting while being at home with my kids or working another very part time or overnight job.
Spoiler tagged for details that I donāt want to risk triggering others in retrospect.We used to train for fire drills, tornado/earthquake drills (depending on where I was living). About 10ish years ago, started to see more shelter in place drills and that awful teach kids to throw school supplies at active shooters shit and cops shooting teachers with pellet guns during ādrillsā that was faddish for awhile a little later.I actually agree with the training we do now, which is, do a variety of different things during our two times a month drills (licensing requires we have a specific fire one), but teach the kids the most important thing is to listen to the one or two word instruction the teachers will give. If itās fire, then we do our fire thing. Earthquake, we do our earthquake thing. Hide, we do our hiding thing. We always talk about how important it is even if the adults arenāt there or fall on the ground and donāt keep up theyāre to do what we practice, or sometimes there might be an adult who doesnāt know where to go, which is why we all practice going so that they know what to do regardless. We have obviously not practiced this, but they do know that sometimes we might give a new instruction and they just need to do the best we can.
Because the reality is, while there might be specific circumstances that me hiding with the closet passing out my lollipops to toddlers or preschoolers to try and keep them quiet is the best thing to do, itās just a normal wall with a flimsy ass door, and my school also gives us the discretion to tell the kids to RUN, to do whatever we need to do to try and save as many of them (and ourselves) as we can because if the guy with the assault rifle and high capacity magazines comes into the building, weāll all die in that bathroom closet if thatās where we are, and I can tell them to run into the orchard/fields behind the school or hide in the trails in the office park depending on the campus Iām at that day and while the fuckerās going to get some of us heāll probably not get them all.
I think many ECE folks have had something of a mental shield that this is a thing that could happen, but thatās been stripped in the last year too.
Itās just a lot on the mental load sometimes. Often hidden, you donāt notice it until something makes it bubble up. I know that itāll fade in a bit butā¦I dunno. Just waiting for the numbness to set back in.
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Getting the nerve block for my busted spine this morning! Wish me luuuuuck!
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Ouch.
Cobalt@Under the Stars
cob.alt@Discord
Cobalt#[email protected] -
@Cobalt hugs the Cobalt
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The medications have definitely been helping me, but I still have these sensations where I waffle between two different outlooks.
A. I accept my anger at the world for what it is and rationalize it that itās okay to have these feelings even though in the grand scope of things, I should feel like Iām lucky to have existence I have when compared to other situations.
B. My nihilism overrides most thoughts and decides that itās just easier to watch the world burn down around with you a beer. You can do nothing to change it, so might as well enjoy the ride, however long the ride might last.
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Iām tired of feeling like the older I get the more faith in humanity I lose. As a kid, even despite everything I went through, I held to the belief people at their core are good and want to be kind.
As I got older I started to believe some people were unkind, but the majority were kind and that helped keep the good in the world greater.
Now? All I see are selfish people hurting others and being hateful. Misery loves company and pain creates cruelty. Often times itās the most defenseless and innocent who get hurt in the process. It isnāt right and the fact I canāt do anything to change this feels like itās breaking me in two.
So now that Iāve vented, Iām eating donuts and watching reality tv. Because I need to turn my brain off for tonight. Tomorrow I will hope again, but for tonight?
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My random RL struggle/vent for the day is letting myself get behind on schoolwork, then feeling like I have nfc what Iām doing for my schoolwork when I sit down to it.
While simultaneously trying to fight off the strong desire to just curl up in bed and snooze the rest of the day, when I absolutely need to get this stuff turned in TODAY. (It was a non-negotiable deadline.)
Then second-guessing my work, which I felt was shoddy.
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@dvoraen The stress of responsibilities leading to the procrastination of responsibilities leading to more stress of responsibilities which makes completing those responsibilities even harder. I feel that in my anxious soul.
I hope your day ended or ends (depending on time zone) well and that you find some calm. Or cake. Or both.
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I badly fucked up the muscles in my dominant hand moving a heavy computer one too many times. Has hurt for like, a week.
A bunch of new content in games I play just came out and trying to play with one hand and limited mouse mobility is the worst.
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Still waiting to hear back on my dream job! I was handpicked for it now, they want to open up interviews. Out of work, waiting to hear back and the self-doubt cycle is starting. This shit sucks!
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just got a gas shutoff notice. I was sure I paid the bill last month but I have been lost in a depression haze and obviously didnāt, so I donāt qualify for state assistance. this is such a miserable feeling, I canāt afford the new bill right now and it only rockets up with absolutely ridiculous service fees and a security deposit if they shut it off and then come turn it back on.
I know this is a hard time of year to ask for this kind of help but itās $250, any help at all would be enormously appreciated.
ETA: Here is the gofundme link.
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Running to the store the night before the tournament because I didnāt realize we only had 10 shirts for 11 children >.>
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Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I fuxking hate people. I fucking hate this society. I fucking hate every molecule of every fucking piece of SHIT that has decided to torch my country to the fucking ground. Fuck
