An Arx Peeve Thread

[kalakh]

@junipersky said in An Arx Peeve Thread:

Anyone else have their biggest Arx peeve be, “I don’t want to be a bother and I feel like asking for things is bothering so I’ll not do that except occasionally for something I feel really really big about and then feel really really bad about being a bother.”

plz don’t dox me thnx

[Testament]

@junipersky I feel like this has been a thing on mushes for as long as mushes have existed. Nobody wants to be a ‘pain in the ass’ or a ‘hassle’ or it’s looked upon as being ‘needy’ or ‘high maintenance’ or whatever. And nobody wants to be that.

I get really similar messages on Discord while running my DnD TT group. I get why players do it, hell, I still do it, but as a DM or as a head staffer, my usual response tends to amount to, “Hey it’s cool, this is literally what I signed up for. You’re not making my life any harder by writing this.” It’s my job to create content for players that allows their characters to evolve while also expanding the lore and theme of the world at large. If I’m not doing that, than I’m being a shitty storyteller.

Granted, I realize that my perspective on this is probably skewed because I tend to deal with requests from only a couple dozen people rather than what’s probably hundreds on a larger game. So there’s likely a much different outlook for a larger game like this. Wager it’s a lot more unwieldy and a lot more mentally and emotionally exhausting. In which case, it’s nice that players are cognizant of whatever they’re asking. Still, that is the function of the request tool.

It is a shame that players feel guilt about putting requests while at the same time it’s unfortunate that staff of larger games have so much to contend with. I don’t know if there’s any good solution.

[Narson]

I think that there are also cultural issues at play - @Rathenhope and I have discussed this in the past. The American way of talking about things is very different to the British way, the style of engaging, the way directness is treated etc. And that’s two very similar cultures giving a divide that can manifest in how more free form ‘just ask’ systems can operate.

Which is to say, shit is complicated.

[tsar]

I don’t mind people reaching out to me. But I also have the poor habit of letting myself become an emotional sponge.

Then later on I’m like, I’m so tired.

Weird.

How did this happen.

Mystery.

[Testament]

@tsar Given the current climate these days, the ability to contain a particular level of empathy for your fellow human being is a slightly rare but exceedingly admirable trait in a person.

That said, there’s a limit for everything.

[tsar]

@Testament said in An Arx Peeve Thread:

That said, there’s a limit for everything.

It’s true. I’ve found myself getting better about politely putting my foot down when something is getting to be overly much.

[Herja]

The boundary I use is that if I am logged in to the game, I am available for questions whether those are requests or pages (which I might tell someone to request instead). If I am not logged in, then I am not available. Part of my personal contract is that anyone can ask about anything but my ‘no’ needs to be respected if that is the answer and sometimes, I might need some time to give a proper answer.

I’m not an emotional sponge like @tsar but I am protective over my energy. But that is for ME to handle. Players don’t need to worry about that. Ask what you need and I will manage my energy to get you the answer that you want.

[farfalla]

@Herja So you’re saying that there are people who just… cold page staffers? What must it be like to live with such hubris.

[Roz]

@farfalla said in An Arx Peeve Thread:

@Herja So you’re saying that there are people who just… cold page staffers? What must it be like to live with such hubris.

It feels like being mad with power.

[Testament]

@farfalla said in An Arx Peeve Thread:

@Herja So you’re saying that there are people who just… cold page staffers? What must it be like to live with such hubris.

It feels weird to say, but every player for the game I run has my Discord handle available to them if they need to ask me something or just want to get something off their chest.

I’m sure this won’t bite me in the ass at some point in the future.

[Third Eye]

@Herja said in An Arx Peeve Thread:

The boundary I use is that if I am logged in to the game, I am available for questions whether those are requests or pages (which I might tell someone to request instead). If I am not logged in, then I am not available.

This is SO IMPORTANT TO ME and it’s one of the things that makes me feel really squiggly about the normalization of pinging people on Discord, since you’re never technically ‘logged off’.

[Pyrephox]

@farfalla said in An Arx Peeve Thread:

@Herja So you’re saying that there are people who just… cold page staffers? What must it be like to live with such hubris.

This is one of the places where being primarily from a tabletop background has served me well. It never occurred to me when I started MU*ing that I wasn’t…supposed to chat with the GM whenever I had a question or a thing. How else would they know? The first time I saw someone ask a staffer on chan “may I page” I was baffled.

[tsar]

@Testament said in An Arx Peeve Thread:

It feels weird to say, but every player for the game I run has my Discord handle available to them if they need to ask me something or just want to get something off their chest.

See and for me, that’s a limit. Do I talk about games over discord? Sure. But I’m more selective about who gets that kind of direct line to me, because I only want people to have it that I can be comfortable being like “nah, bro not now” and feel 100% safe they won’t take it the wrong way.

[farfalla]

@Pyrephox My Firan trauma is showing.

[Tez]

@Third-Eye said in An Arx Peeve Thread:

@Herja said in An Arx Peeve Thread:

The boundary I use is that if I am logged in to the game, I am available for questions whether those are requests or pages (which I might tell someone to request instead). If I am not logged in, then I am not available.

This is SO IMPORTANT TO ME and it’s one of the things that makes me feel really squiggly about the normalization of pinging people on Discord, since you’re never technically ‘logged off’.

THIS IS BAD. DON’T PING PEOPLE ON DISCORD FOR STAFF THINGS. STOP IT.

I mean if you want to, @Testament, that’s your choice and with smaller games it’s less of an issue, maybe. I’ve totally used Discord as the communication medium of choice on private games. I’m on a game doing that right now!!

But when people start doing that on a one-off, holy fuck, do my alarms and sirens go off and I want to build walls around people. LEAVE THEM ALONE HOLY FUCK.

[farfalla]

@Tez I can barely fathom paging a staffer. I would die before I sent a discord message to one.

Edit: Oh wait. I actually did once, fk. When my stalker showed up on Arx and there was no staff on. Sorry to staffer I discorded. Gonna go discord them to apologize.

[Testament]

@Tez You’re absolutely correct. The only reason I use this method is because I’m not often on the game unless an event is happening where I’m running it. I admit the one thing I enjoy about Ares is that I can take care of jobs and requests without actually having to be on the game itself.

If the game were to grow in size to something a bit more unwieldly, I’d likely change it. For now, it works, but, yeah, it has been something that has occasionally occurred to me in the past.

For all my pessimism about…pretty much everything, I still enjoy helping people, so I’m a goddamn sucker when it comes that kind of stuff.

@tsar By no means am I trying to present myself as substitute consoler. But I do know that sometimes people just want to talk at someone. Maybe because I know what it’s like to be absolutely isolated with only your own thoughts. Or maybe because I myself have problems talking with people or hell, making friends. I dunno, maybe my opinion will change once or even if it happens more.

Also, I don’t always reply the fastest ever. Probably because I’m waist deep in a raid in ESO.

[Third Eye]

Mostly I feel like people just have really different cultural expectations about Discord and I’m sometimes uncomfortable with an unspoken expectation that I be present on it rather than the game. I worked with a staffer who had VASTLY DIFFERENT OOC boundaries regarding it and it made me really uncomfortable, though the headwiz eventually created a standard I was OK with. This feels like a thing that’s going to become more prevalent rather than less as time goes on, though. Especially with more tools for game/Discord integration.

[Pyrephox]

@Tez said in An Arx Peeve Thread:

@Third-Eye said in An Arx Peeve Thread:

@Herja said in An Arx Peeve Thread:

The boundary I use is that if I am logged in to the game, I am available for questions whether those are requests or pages (which I might tell someone to request instead). If I am not logged in, then I am not available.

This is SO IMPORTANT TO ME and it’s one of the things that makes me feel really squiggly about the normalization of pinging people on Discord, since you’re never technically ‘logged off’.

THIS IS BAD. DON’T PING PEOPLE ON DISCORD FOR STAFF THINGS. STOP IT.

I mean if you want to, @Testament, that’s your choice and with smaller games it’s less of an issue, maybe. I’ve totally used Discord as the communication medium of choice on private games. I’m on a game doing that right now!!

But when people start doing that on a one-off, holy fuck, do my alarms and sirens go off and I want to build walls around people. LEAVE THEM ALONE HOLY FUCK.

Yeah. Even as a player, I’ve had to tell people - people I like! - that look, I try to keep game stuff ON THE GAME, and please don’t reach out to me on Discord about game stuff if I’m not logged on, or whatever. Usually, if I’m not logged on a game, there’s a reason for it!

[tsar]

@Testament said in An Arx Peeve Thread:

By no means am I trying to present myself as substitute consoler. But I do know that sometimes people just want to talk at someone. Maybe because I know what it’s like to be absolutely isolated with only your own thoughts. Or maybe because I myself have problems talking with people or hell, making friends. I dunno, maybe my opinion will change once or even if it happens more.

Oh, no. I totally get where you’re coming from. I also really don’t mind doing this for players a lot of the time.