An Arx Peeve Thread

RightMeow

@junipersky
I don’t even like asking/@mailing/etc for RP.

Also, welcome!

tsar

@junipersky said in An Arx Peeve Thread:

Anyone else have their biggest Arx peeve be, “I don’t want to be a bother and I feel like asking for things is bothering so I’ll not do that except occasionally for something I feel really really big about and then feel really really bad about being a bother.”

I’m supposed to send you a whenisgood but then I don’t but I know that I need to but I’m going to I swear

farfalla

@junipersky every single request I’ve ever sent has included NO WORRIES IF NOT in flashing neon

junipersky

@farfalla

I AM SORRY FOR MAKING YOU READ THESE WORDS PLEASE FORGIVE ME

^^ The feeling I try to send without also coming across as passive-aggressive.

Jennkryst

Fully acknowledging that staff has lives of their own and owe me nothing, but also at the same time MUST INSTANTLY RESPOND TO ALL OF MY THINGS, I AM THE ONLY IMPORTANT PERSON AND REQUIRE MANY ANSWERS AND ALL YOUR ATTENTION TO MAKE FUN GAME TIME.

Uh. I mean. Yeah. to be taken playfully but also extremely literally, give me everything. Or don’t!

Unless…

kalakh

@junipersky said in An Arx Peeve Thread:

Anyone else have their biggest Arx peeve be, “I don’t want to be a bother and I feel like asking for things is bothering so I’ll not do that except occasionally for something I feel really really big about and then feel really really bad about being a bother.”

plz don’t dox me thnx

Testament

@junipersky I feel like this has been a thing on mushes for as long as mushes have existed. Nobody wants to be a ‘pain in the ass’ or a ‘hassle’ or it’s looked upon as being ‘needy’ or ‘high maintenance’ or whatever. And nobody wants to be that.

I get really similar messages on Discord while running my DnD TT group. I get why players do it, hell, I still do it, but as a DM or as a head staffer, my usual response tends to amount to, “Hey it’s cool, this is literally what I signed up for. You’re not making my life any harder by writing this.” It’s my job to create content for players that allows their characters to evolve while also expanding the lore and theme of the world at large. If I’m not doing that, than I’m being a shitty storyteller.

Granted, I realize that my perspective on this is probably skewed because I tend to deal with requests from only a couple dozen people rather than what’s probably hundreds on a larger game. So there’s likely a much different outlook for a larger game like this. Wager it’s a lot more unwieldy and a lot more mentally and emotionally exhausting. In which case, it’s nice that players are cognizant of whatever they’re asking. Still, that is the function of the request tool.

It is a shame that players feel guilt about putting requests while at the same time it’s unfortunate that staff of larger games have so much to contend with. I don’t know if there’s any good solution.

Narson

I think that there are also cultural issues at play - @Rathenhope and I have discussed this in the past. The American way of talking about things is very different to the British way, the style of engaging, the way directness is treated etc. And that’s two very similar cultures giving a divide that can manifest in how more free form ‘just ask’ systems can operate.

Which is to say, shit is complicated.

tsar

I don’t mind people reaching out to me. But I also have the poor habit of letting myself become an emotional sponge.

Then later on I’m like, I’m so tired.

Weird.

How did this happen.

Mystery.

Thinking

Testament

@tsar Given the current climate these days, the ability to contain a particular level of empathy for your fellow human being is a slightly rare but exceedingly admirable trait in a person.

That said, there’s a limit for everything.

tsar

@Testament said in An Arx Peeve Thread:

That said, there’s a limit for everything.

It’s true. I’ve found myself getting better about politely putting my foot down when something is getting to be overly much.

Herja

The boundary I use is that if I am logged in to the game, I am available for questions whether those are requests or pages (which I might tell someone to request instead). If I am not logged in, then I am not available. Part of my personal contract is that anyone can ask about anything but my ‘no’ needs to be respected if that is the answer and sometimes, I might need some time to give a proper answer.

I’m not an emotional sponge like @tsar but I am protective over my energy. But that is for ME to handle. Players don’t need to worry about that. Ask what you need and I will manage my energy to get you the answer that you want.

farfalla

@Herja So you’re saying that there are people who just… cold page staffers? What must it be like to live with such hubris.

Roz

@farfalla said in An Arx Peeve Thread:

@Herja So you’re saying that there are people who just… cold page staffers? What must it be like to live with such hubris.

It feels like being mad with power.

Testament

@farfalla said in An Arx Peeve Thread:

@Herja So you’re saying that there are people who just… cold page staffers? What must it be like to live with such hubris.

It feels weird to say, but every player for the game I run has my Discord handle available to them if they need to ask me something or just want to get something off their chest.

I’m sure this won’t bite me in the ass at some point in the future.

Third Eye

@Herja said in An Arx Peeve Thread:

The boundary I use is that if I am logged in to the game, I am available for questions whether those are requests or pages (which I might tell someone to request instead). If I am not logged in, then I am not available.

This is SO IMPORTANT TO ME and it’s one of the things that makes me feel really squiggly about the normalization of pinging people on Discord, since you’re never technically ‘logged off’.

Pyrephox

@farfalla said in An Arx Peeve Thread:

@Herja So you’re saying that there are people who just… cold page staffers? What must it be like to live with such hubris.

This is one of the places where being primarily from a tabletop background has served me well. It never occurred to me when I started MU*ing that I wasn’t…supposed to chat with the GM whenever I had a question or a thing. How else would they know? The first time I saw someone ask a staffer on chan “may I page” I was baffled.

tsar

@Testament said in An Arx Peeve Thread:

It feels weird to say, but every player for the game I run has my Discord handle available to them if they need to ask me something or just want to get something off their chest.

See and for me, that’s a limit. Do I talk about games over discord? Sure. But I’m more selective about who gets that kind of direct line to me, because I only want people to have it that I can be comfortable being like “nah, bro not now” and feel 100% safe they won’t take it the wrong way.

farfalla

@Pyrephox My Firan trauma is showing.

Tez

@Third-Eye said in An Arx Peeve Thread:

@Herja said in An Arx Peeve Thread:

The boundary I use is that if I am logged in to the game, I am available for questions whether those are requests or pages (which I might tell someone to request instead). If I am not logged in, then I am not available.

This is SO IMPORTANT TO ME and it’s one of the things that makes me feel really squiggly about the normalization of pinging people on Discord, since you’re never technically ‘logged off’.

THIS IS BAD. DON’T PING PEOPLE ON DISCORD FOR STAFF THINGS. STOP IT.

I mean if you want to, @Testament, that’s your choice and with smaller games it’s less of an issue, maybe. I’ve totally used Discord as the communication medium of choice on private games. I’m on a game doing that right now!!

But when people start doing that on a one-off, holy fuck, do my alarms and sirens go off and I want to build walls around people. LEAVE THEM ALONE HOLY FUCK.