MU Peeves Thread
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My RP relationship peeve stems off this topic. While I surely cannot devote all my time to an IC relationship (definitely not 70%), I’ve recently been triggered by my need for monogamy and my settling for don’t ask don’t tell. My character mentioned this was such a great aspect of their relationship because she didn’t want to know of the other people, if there were other people, and the person my character was with literally replied with something like “you should meet them…” Only to then find out someone who triggered me on game earlier was still in the partner’s rotation of lovers.
I basically told the player I couldn’t do this even if I enjoyed the story, even if I still thought they were very nice and had fun while it lasted. I was just so triggered. Now I’m hesitant to involve any character that deeply because I will feel guilty for not being on enough to satisfy the IC relationship needs of the other player. I know this sounds super messed up and it’s a very low self-esteem thing. It’s just a bad trigger. I want to be ‘cool’ and all monogamy is for the birds, but I would be lying to myself and the other person.
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@Birdie Something you said here kind of triggered me in a way.
It’s ok to be monogamous. It doesn’t have to have anything to do with self-esteem. Some people are just not built for polygamy and that is perfectly ok. Don’t feel like you’ve done /anything/ wrong by not wanting to be in a polygamous relationship.
Don’t ask, don’t tell, I don’t know if I could even go that far with some characters, and I know I couldn’t RL so please, don’t feel like you’ve done anything wrong.
You set up a line, a boundary, and /they/ pushed it, broke it, and hop scotched right across it. That is not your fault, they disrespected your boundaries and your choices.
Very not cool of them.
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At this point, I personally am so off the mere IDEA of IC/RP relationships that I can’t see ever having anything but off-screen significant others.
That’s something that can/will change if I feel the right ‘click’ between my PC and another, but honestly, at this point? I kind of hope that never happens.
It’s nice not to feel like I ‘owe’ any one person or story anything whenever I login, that I can just glance at WHO, glance at messages/messengers, browse boards and choose something that suits my mood at the moment and go for it without worrying about the consequences of someone else’s feelings.
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Years and years and years ago I got into an IC relationship with someone and I made it very clear that I was not interested in any jealousy RP or cheating storylines or anything like that. They swore up and down OOCly and ICly that the IC relationship was The One and The Best Love Story Ever Told etc, etc. and it was really, really fun.
And then one day in my standard bar scene RP I was confronted by The Other Woman. Turned out there were several other people the player had been winding up and he had been looking forward to the big blowout fight over his PC. I noped out of there instantly.
Since then I really tend to just do IC relationships with people I know and trust OOCly.
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My favorite was my neurotic greenrider with @tsar 's alt because when it was done we stayed friends and I liked that. It doesn’t always go that way.
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I am very cautious these days. I am not looking for an OOC romance – happily married in real life, thank you. I am not looking for a stalker. I’m not looking to be accused of being a stalker. I’m not looking for an Indian scammer convincing me and half a dozen others to send her money during a life crisis. I’m not looking for a supposed friend who suddenly drops contact with no warning and then acts as if I’d murdered their firstborn.
All of the above have happened.
When I can find somebody who’s interested in OOC chill and IC drama, with respect for boundaries and not wanting to be the only person I play with though? I’m game.
Any pronouns. Come to Chincoteague. We have ponies. http://keys.aresmush.com
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@L-B-Heuschkel said in MU Peeves Thread:
I’m not looking for an Indian scammer convincing me and half a dozen others to send her money during a life crisis.
… well there goes my plan to start a gofundme.
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@Pavel That’s exactly what she did.
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This is why I almost exclusively ship with friends. The risk is high with strangers.
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I TRIED!! You /denied/ me. I even fed the cat.
LOL
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@RightMeow said in MU Peeves Thread:
I TRIED!! You /denied/ me. I even fed the cat.
LOL<laugh> And, of course, the characters have to click! No, really, I take a very long time making up my mind to try something like it because I’ve been very badly burned a handful of times and games are supposed to not be stressful, you know?
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I love romance/relationship play, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. But it’s also got an assumption of risk there that can be pretty stressful.
Will our activity levels be compatible over time? (the answer to that is probably NO, because of the nature of RL and mushing, but then that leads to–)
Is there an okay way to weave in a no harm/no foul parting if that incompatibility persists for long enough that it causes issues for the active player? (this could be as simple as being able to nudge a friend oocly and talk about it briefly, or not writing in an expectation of total exclusivity)
I really enjoy complex situation RP. But having both been the RP partner that had to take an extended leave, and also having been left relatively incommunicado for months and months or being told yes I want to play but then it’s just not possible/no show/ect when I know it’s less personal and just more RL reality–that doesn’t feel great either. I’m often reluctant to want to put that kind of pressure on someone or not have a relatively painless out so that I’m not deprived of a kind of RP I like because of extended absence. I’ve always wanted to do a political marriage situation on Arx, for example, and might be willing to risk exploring that with a new to me person, but there’s also most of the time an expectation of exclusivity right off the bat that I’m not comfortable with on an OOC level with someone I don’t know. Though I guess that’s part of taking the time to know one’s potential RP partner in that regard to see if they’ve got the kind of activity level that would mitigate some of the worries.
So I mean, there’s no right or wrong here even as I think about what I like in RP partnerships that move into IC romance. It’s so highly situational. I do think romantic partners TEND to become part of the group of IC connections that really enhance my experience on any game, and can affect morale oocly when/if they disappear unexpectedly or long term and then I have to muddle through figuring that out in a way that is respectful to them and the RP leading to that point, but isn’t overly isolating. I don’t personally feel there’s anything better about not wanting the fairy tale ending! I’m a sucker for that too. But I also think there are good reasons for people to leave some space for unexpected changes, and it’s not even because they’re in to nonmonogamy per se or are always looking to jump ship.
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@mietze said in MU Peeves Thread:
I’ve always wanted to do a political marriage situation on Arx, for example
God me too. I tried so hard when I was playing Tomwell to find someone to politically marry me, but everyone else seemed to be after true love. It’s tough to find someone also interested in a non-love marriage. One day I will get my political marriage.
as previously stated, good day.
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It’s really easy to just want to limit romantic RP to people you already know and trust. On the other hand, I’ve MADE some really good friends through taking chances on new RP partners. So it’s hard!!! Why are people people.
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@mietze Alllllll offfff thiiiiiiiiiiis
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@farfalla said in MU Peeves Thread:
@mietze said in MU Peeves Thread:
I’ve always wanted to do a political marriage situation on Arx, for example
God me too.
ME THREE.
I draw things! http://www.mahaldoodles.com
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@farfalla I do think there are many people out there. A lot of the time the OOC expectations of IC exclusivity read to me like just a way to try to curtail the worry about dealing with another person’s weirdos, or wanting a certain level of knowing that they’ll be the priority if they need a +1, ect. Which I do totally understand. It’s hard to express that I think without worry about seeming controlling. And having those discussion with someone you don’t know can sometimes be kind of difficult. And while some folks are great about being able to work through that without OOC discussion, until you know that about someone–I mean I can understand why people maybe just want to do generalities.
My own current situation is that while my PC would like nothing better than to raise children, ect–he also is, well I guess not quite WORTHLESS as a political match, but ain’t no one going to be breaking down that door either. Add in the OOC issue of what happens to houses when active people marry out and like–I’m not sure Arx in particular (while having an awesome AWESOME IC cultural setup for it!) is very easy to be totally IC about such things just because of those other issues that aren’t anyone’s fault. So there’s that level too, that really has nothing to do with someone’s willingness or not to take on risk and the like! I am grateful that culturally it’s set up so that I can engage in the RP I like regardless, where there might be tension/longing at times but there’s also happiness that can be found outside of the Happily Ever After /married/ pathway.
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@farfalla said in MU Peeves Thread:
This is why I almost exclusively ship with friends. The risk is high with strangers.
That’s exactly why I do this. I don’t trust the rest of you(general you). Also, the fact that I don’t do a lot of TS these days in romance(still do it, just not nearly as much as in the past)seems to be a non-starter. Which is fine, just something I’ve noted.
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I don’t do romantic RP of any kind these days. I was all about it in another era but I’m very happily married these days and I just don’t desire to access that side of my personality for anyone other than my partner.
I would RP the shit out of a completely non-romantic political marriage tho. Like straight up do whatever you want with whoever you want but if it results in any drama that impacts our Household don’t be surprised if your lover ghosts you I mean a literal ghost I’ll have them killed.
