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Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent
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Feeling really low today. My youngest sister had her wedding ceremony and reception last night, and my son and I were invited but had not been asked to take part in any meaningful way even though the other sibs were – the two other sisters were bridesmaids, bro-in-law was asked to have his band play, my niece was the sole ringbearer for the second ceremony even though it had been mentioned but never confirmed that my son was going to be the other one.
Mormon weddings are already kind of painful as everyone not a full member of the church has to just sort of stand around awkwardly for an hour outside the temple or in a waiting room while the “real” ceremony happens, but they even had a second exchange of vows in which my new bro-in-law had his friend “officiate” by literally just saying, “OK are you ready for the vows? Do you have the rings? OK now kiss.” Like…I’m a decent wordsmith, I could have had some nice things to say for my little sis and her husband, but it didn’t even cross their minds apparently.
Feeling like I was there because she felt obligated to invite me was a pretty unpleasant revelation. There’s enough of an age gap that I essentially helped raise her when she was a kid, and while she withdrew to a degree after I left the church, I had always assumed we were at least fairly close.
I get that weddings are a whirlwind and a lot of things can get lost in the noise but boy, it was really hurtful in a way I was not entirely expecting and I am not sure how or even if I should express it to them.
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@Wizz This is kind of why we decided to only have one person on each family stand with me and my fiance. Our best friends rather than our siblings. My only sibling is invited, but as a guest, not as apart of the wedding.
In fact, there’s only one family member from either family in the wedding party, and that’s my 13 year old cousin who’s an usher. Everyone else, the officiant, the ring bearer and flower girl are all friends from our DnD group. That was done intentionally so none of the family feels like they’re being purposefully left out.
Because that was a family drama I did not want. As I know what I’d say, which be along the lines of “Family doesn’t give you special privileges, especially if we don’t talk save beyond one holiday a year.” And I don’t know about anyone else, but that’s just not a conversation I want to have at the Xmas dinner. So, everyone gets left out.
I don't know what I'm doing. Poke at Seven Nations sevennations.aresmush.com port 2021
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@Testament said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:
“Family doesn’t give you special privileges, especially if we don’t talk save beyond one holiday a year.”
Our family has always had a very different dynamic than that, we all live pretty close and go out of our way to see each other at least a couple times a month, which is why it felt extra hurtful.
It definitely would have been a better and wiser choice to not have any of us that involved either way, but it’s whatever. She’s very young, it was all sort of done in a rush, I can get over it but it just stings for now.
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@Wizz I’m sorry, that sounds really stressful.
My totally unsolicited ‘been a bride’ advice is, if you decide talk to her about it, give it a couple of weeks. Weddings are stressful af, even the good ones.
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I appreciate the advice, and have definitely felt it’s something I should give a little time to sit with before I say anything, if I even do. I am not the type to just immediately storm into a confrontation if something makes me upset anyway, and I can certainly see why it would only harm both of us in this case especially. It was a lovely wedding despite my feels getting hurt, and they deserve the time to come down from the stress of all the preparation and enjoy the honeymoon.
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My 16 1/2 year old cat is gone and I don’t know how long it’s going to take me to be OK.
let it be a challenge to you
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@sao You’re not going to be okay. And that in of itself is okay, everyone is allowed to feel this. It won’t be easy, believe me. Losing my old man cat two years ago tore me apart. And there are days where I still horribly miss him. The first two weeks were the worst. But it does get easier. I don’t know if it’ll ever completely go away, but like so many other things, it becomes something we manage.
Someone else said it here that I believe is rather fitting. “Grief is just love with nowhere to go.”
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@imstillhere Fuck, of course you’re tired. I got sympathy-tired halfway through reading and it just got MORE from there. I hope things calm down for you.
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@imstillhere I’m so sorry. We’re all here for you.
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@imstillhere Given I don’t know where you are I can’t adequately advise on resources to help.
However, find your local university and see if they offer a psychology or counselling program. If they do, then they very likely have a supervised student counselling clinic - much the same as a regular counsellor though usually far cheaper.
ETA: When you’ve reached the “solve a problem or make a change” part of grief and stress, of course.
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@imstillhere You already know what I’m gonna say, because I’ve talked to about a lot of this already.
But you got my Discord. Any time you need to talk again, even if it’s just to get something off your chest. I know it’s not a lot I can give, but whatever you need, I’m here.
I don't know what I'm doing. Poke at Seven Nations sevennations.aresmush.com port 2021
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My cat is… gone.
He had surgery yesterday, and it was successful. He came home with an appetite and kind of stoned.
This morning he was at the kitchen mewing at me to give him his wet food. I let the dogs out into the back yard (as I do every morning, this is absolute routine), let them in, had breakfast. I went to the gym and came back.
And he’s nowhere to be found. Nowhere in the house - and we’ve looked everywhere. No coming out for food, not responding to calls. Nowhere in the fenced back yard, or any of the neighbors’ (whose doors I went and knocked on, and let them know, just in case he somehow made it there). He’s just… not in the house, and I don’t know where he could be.
I don’t remember what happened because it’s so routine to let the dogs out, feed the cats, eat and get out of the house. I do it every single morning. Did I leave the door open and he snuck out? He’s not a runner at all but did I, did he? Did he have a stroke following the surgery and he’s dead in a closet somewhere to be found days from now?
Goddammit Gus. I’ve made flyers and filed a report, he’s microchipped, I spoke to the neighbors but not knowing is… it’d be easier if I knew he was hurt. And thinking he’s outside hiding somewhere perhaps a couple of yards away freezing…
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@Arkandel Ah fuck, I’m so sorry.
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@tsar … He was in a fucking dresser drawer.
The whole fucking day. While I was outside freezing my ass off looking for him, and stressing the fuck out.
Motherfucker.
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@Arkandel I’m so happy to hear that! Man, cats are assholes aren’t they.
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@Arkandel said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:
@tsar … He was in a fucking dresser drawer.
The whole fucking day. While I was outside freezing my ass off looking for him, and stressing the fuck out.
Motherfucker.
omfg. cATS.
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@Arkandel said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:
@tsar … He was in a fucking dresser drawer.
The whole fucking day. While I was outside freezing my ass off looking for him, and stressing the fuck out.
Motherfucker.
oh my god, fucking cats, why are they like this???
I’m so glad you found him.
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