MU Peeves Thread
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@Solstice said in MU Peeves Thread:
@Testament said in MU Peeves Thread:
That said, the last two IC romances I’ve had in last two years have gone well, but likely because I followed my own advice above, someone I know, and having a discussion before anything happened.
Agree!
Talking things out and checking in is a very crucial part of any sort of relationship, even one in pretendy fun times. Heck, especially in pretendy fun times, as you’re both generally just trying to have fun, and you’ll likely play with one another again at some point down the road.
Communication! It’s important.
Like actually.
(But also so are spontaneous just-because hook-ups.)
Hmm. Yes.
I once had someone jump my shit for asking, OOCly, if there was any squicks or language or things best left avoided before things progressed to far as I didn’t want the naughty bits to be triggering or just take someone out of the RP…
And then they cut all contact with me, for asking and making sure everything was ok to continue.
Win some, lose some.
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@Mourne said in MU Peeves Thread:
I once had someone jump my shit for asking, OOCly, if there was any squicks or language or things best left avoided before things progressed to far as I didn’t want the naughty bits to be triggering or just take someone out of the RP…
And then they cut all contact with me, for asking and making sure everything was ok to continue.
Win some, lose some.
SEE I DO THIS. I ASK. But the worst that’s ever happened is I get giggled at. And I’m fine with that.
But I need to know if ramming the [censored] with [censored] [censored] and [censored] until [censored], as an example, is acceptable language or if I need to amp it up, or tone it down, or maybe be super vague as preferable. I’m adaptable, I want my writing partner to enjoy themselves and definitely not trigger them.
I draw things! http://www.mahaldoodles.com
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Yus! Feeling things out is great and all (really great), but it’s so easy to accidentally step on someone’s comfort levels that asking is totally appreciated.
@Mourne said in MU Peeves Thread:
I once had someone jump my shit for asking, OOCly, if there was any squicks or language or things best left avoided before things progressed to far as I didn’t want the naughty bits to be triggering or just take someone out of the RP…
What.
Not sure why that would be a dealbreaker. I, too, hate when people try to ask me how to have a good scene. /big sarcasms
Oh well is right. Suppose at the end of the day, people are different people.
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@Mourne said in MU Peeves Thread:
And then they cut all contact with me, for asking and making sure everything was ok to continue.
Win some, lose some.
Sounds like you won that one.
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@Solstice I thought ‘different strokes for different folks’ was the live and let live of the hobby. It used to be understood and accepted and discussed that some people are so anxiety-ridden about OOC contact for various reasons that they have unexpected reactions to being paged in the middle of a fuck scene with a ‘how’s the service’ questionnaire, instead of considered worthy of mockery and/or sarcasm.
I’m not the person that did this to @Mourne, but I’m not going to lie and say I haven’t ended up avoiding people who decided mid-intimate scene was the Right Time
to initiate OOC contact. I was yanked out of the mindset of the RP, I was embarrassed, likely because of the sudden reality and perspective shift, and for some reason, that very action, the action of contacting me during said RP just made me so uncomfortable that moving forward with the same type of RP would be awkward for me.I’m sorry that’s a reaction you feel worth mocking, although it’s fair to be perturbed if someone has that kind of reaction then bolts, then never explains that’s where they’re coming from but assuming they’re just blacklisting players for ‘asking how to have a good scene’ is kind of a shitty take.
How about hashing that shit out before the intimate scene? How about, if the intimacy was unexpected and therefore harder to do that with, contacting the player after the scene in a less in-your-face medium than paging between thrusts to offer that support or dial in the things that would make future interactions more enjoyable?
TL;DR How about just not vilifying people who may just be reacting poorly for reasons that aren’t dickitry?
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@eye8urcake There was no intimacy going on yet, in my case. I wasn’t trying to vilify anyone, I was just surprised when it happened because I was trying to make sure nothing bad happened, to be respectful of people’s boundaries, and whatnot.
That’s all I wanted to say, the timing was very different than what you were presenting.
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I’m not sure why this is directed at me in particular, when I spent the better part of my posts saying that communication is important, but I ultimately am the one who responded with a GIF and incredulity, so I’ll take the hit.
In an ideal world, all of this would have been discussed prior to the scene, but I still think there’s something to be said about bringing it up at the first available opportunity.
In this hypothetical situation that I know none of the details about, I admit a bias to favor the person who is trying to feel out and establish boundaries, but I don’t think someone’s somehow being a jerk by disconnecting if they feel uncomfortable for any reason.
Very much not an all or nothing game, here. The entire point of communicating these things beforehand is to avoid the very circumstances that were being discussed.
I really don’t see the broad vilification there, and I apologize if that came across in my post - I’m a proponent of informed consent and frequent check-ins. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t people who can do it other ways.
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My @ to you was because you’re the one who felt the need to insert the sarcasm, no other reason. Your points were valid, but the sarcasm part seemed to put forth the idea that people who are doing this are doing it to be purposely shitty to people who are trying to be actively unshitty and that’s specifically the part I was addressing.
I realize I may have been sharper in tone than intended, because I don’t dislike the discussion or perspectives, and I apologize if I was. It’s a habit I have that I’ve been working on.
@Mourne said in MU Peeves Thread:
@eye8urcake There was no intimacy going on yet, in my case. I wasn’t trying to vilify anyone, I was just surprised when it happened because I was trying to make sure nothing bad happened, to be respectful of people’s boundaries, and whatnot.
That’s all I wanted to say, the timing was very different than what you were presenting.
That’s fair. My read seemed to indicate it was DURING, which is obviously a misread that’s on me, but that hit me in a sore spot because I have shut down in a scene when someone’s done this.
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Fair enough, and I only added the sarcasm to make it clear that I wasn’t inadvertently insulting @Mourne - it would have been a better call to have reworked the sentence entirely.
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@eye8urcake I tried to be very respectful as the scene was heading in an intimate direction but everyone’s clothes were still on. So I asked OOCly just to make sure and clarify things and I got chewed out for breaking RP, which is… ok, sure I can get that but to /me/, better safe than sorry.
I’d rather not assume my boundaries are the same as anyone else’s at all.
I don’t want to get into the fine details, but all the clothes were still on but the flirting was pretty heavy and direct and we’d progressed to private location.
It was precisely because people can have such negative reactions to things in RP or out of it, that I think it is important to ask. Any offense is not intentional, quite the opposite.
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@Mourne Yeah, no, I completely read your post wrong and absolutely thought it was during. I don’t feel the same way at all about before, or after, just DURING is so odd and awkward for me and FLEE FLEE FLEE and apparently a fucking trigger.
ETA I should probably mention that the first time this happened to me was someone who thought ‘This scene is SO HOT!’ was a good way to open up said discussions. That’s basically when I locked down all ‘live’ OOC communication avenues, only leaving Notes to negotiate through from then on.
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Have asked, will ask and will continue to ask. Player comfort in such scenes, and others that could be emotionally investing, is oh-so important to me. I’d rather the person felt comfortable, but also so boundaries are set.
Especially as, previously, I’ve had someone OOC - oh no I don’t like insert action and insert word which promptly pulled away the mood of the scene. Had I known it wasn’t compatible at that point, could have just fade to black and not gone through the motions for
several hours20 mins5 mins. -
I love this open, clear conversation. Weird to say as a spectator, but seriously, I just love to see it.
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I too do not want to be paged or OOCed in a scene to check my comfort level.
You will pull me out of my PC, ruin my immersion, make me feel anxious that I crossed a line and that’s why you are bringing it up, and guarantee I spend the rest of the scene in my head instead of the moment.
Just food for thought from the other side of “communication is key.” Get it done BEFORE it matters.
On Dragon Wings · https://pern.gaslightswitch.com · pern.gaslightswitch.com port 4201
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@KarmaBum What is your preference for scenes where it starts PG and then heats up? Often I wouldn’t have the chance to check in about things like when to FTB or disliked words/details, because we didn’t start the scene going 'okay we’re gonna fuck so let’s discuss." (Genuine question, not an argument.)
I actually don’t ask, because it feels awk and I never know what to say, and I find any OOC but “I gotta go in an hour” to be awk, but I have had people ask me at the point things are turning in that direction and I appreciated it.
The alternative, in my experience, is a game of TS-chicken in which each person tentatively uses a new word to see how the other person responds but no one wants to be the first one to use it. Which is also awk so I don’t have a solution.
as previously stated, good day.
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@farfalla said in MU Peeves Thread:
What is your preference for scenes where it starts PG and then heats up?
FTB and we can talk afterward.
Based on this thread, most of us don’t even get hot and heavy with people we don’t already know, so it really shouldn’t happen all that often. I can’t even remember the last time I got into a sexy scene with someone who didn’t already pretty much know my boundaries.
@farfalla said in MU Peeves Thread:
The alternative, in my experience, is a game of TS-chicken in which each person tentatively uses a new word to see how the other person responds but no one wants to be the first one to use it. Which is also awk so I don’t have a solution.
Is it a language thing? I don’t really have a problem with the words people use. Call a dick a dick; I’m fine with it.
It’s more just the time and energy that goes into TSing, and the seeming expectation that I’ll carve regular time out of my RP to play a sex scene. My past experience with people that I have TSed is that (if the relationship doesn’t immediately end after the sexy-times) there’s a “relationship upkeep cost” that I really don’t want to pay. Unless the next sex scene is somehow going to be different than the last one, I’m good to off-cam it… but my partners seem to expect on-cam sexytimes continue, and I really only have like three TS poses; if you played one sex scene with me, you’ve seen my entire repertoire.
I RP maybe three or four scenes a week right now. I don’t got no time for plowing that doesn’t move the story.
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Because I’m not at all concerned about what words the other person uses, I play a lot of word chicken. You pick what you want, I’ll follow your lead. But it’s almost always better to start off subtle.
I also figure I’m dealing with a decent amount of folks who might not enjoy OOC at all, or find it offputting.
If they’re someone who DOES prefer OOC, you usually find that out when they OOC you, lol.
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For those of you unsure of what words to use, I present a great resource:
These are so good that they got A CERTAIN RP PARTNER, WHO I WON’T NAME, to say:
SOMEONE
welp
it was fun TSing with you while it lastedTEZ
NO
MY STATELY PIECE OF MACHINERY
MY ORGAN OF BLISS, INSTRUMENT OF PLEASURESOMEONE
mute
she/they
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@Tez I need better terms for oral sex because my brain takes things very literally and any time someone uses the word ‘eat’ in any descriptive combination whatever, I’m fighting immersive breaking mental images for at least five minutes. If you don’t know, five minutes is like seven internet yeara.
