MU Peeves Thread
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@Gashlycrumb This sounds like you have stories about people getting banned for asking for RP.
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@Gashlycrumb yeah I’ve never really seen that happen as stated! What’s up?
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@hellfrog I am pretty sure the statement is that they’re harrassing people. I think it’s upthread, about me doing this. The other person I know who was banned seemingly for asking for RP wasn’t told why, just got blocked off the game shortly after asking for RP. Old news now, But anyway, the ‘what if I get in trouble for bothering people?’ fear is legit. Kinda like the ‘how often is too often to +request or poke about a request?’ anxieties.
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I don’t get very much time to play lately (even less as the holiday grief extravaganza amps up at my volunteer gig) but if any of you lot run into me out there in the wild, you are more than welcome to ask me for RP.
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@Cobalt This is what happened to me with The Becoming. I had ideas, and a great intro scene, then my brain flatlined about MUing in general.
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@Gashlycrumb said in MU Peeves Thread:
Once we all had anxiety, or we had emotional/mental fatigue from being the person who did the who-where-aboutwhat? scene-organising labour too often.
Now we can top those legit reasons off with the fact that some get away with treating asking for RP as a violation of boundaries and a bannable offense. So yeah, who’s asking these days?
I don’t think I’ve seen anyone banned for asking for RP unless it was someone they had a no contact with and were approaching on another alt.
That said, I have seen someone go to staff and complain that they were being harassed by someone who they were trying to avoid, but who frequently asked them for RP or who often popped into rooms they were in to try to catch a scene. The thing is, there wasn’t a no contact and place and they’d never expressed to this person that they didn’t want to interact with them for fear of being seen as rude or as a bully–which is totally legit and a reasonable concern!
But. A big ol’ but here.
At that point it’s not harassment, it’s just the other person being annoying by not taking the hint. And my dudes, dropping a hint is not clear communication. It’s deliberately vague communication, which is hard enough in person when there’s also body language and facial expressions and tone to pick up on. Text has none of those things. Don’t drop hints, cross your fingers, touch your toes, and hope the other person clues in to what you’re (not) saying. Say what you mean. You can be nice about it! But say what you mean. The internet is not going to burn to the ground if you tell someone “Oh! Thanks for the offer, but I’m not really up for that.” or even just “No, thank you.” the way we were all taught when we were, like, five.
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@Aria said in MU Peeves Thread:
At that point it’s not harassment, it’s just the other person being annoying by not taking the hint. And my dudes, dropping a hint is not clear communication. It’s deliberately vague communication, which is hard enough in person when there’s also body language and facial expressions and tone to pick up on. Text has none of those things. Don’t drop hints, cross your fingers, touch your toes, and hope the other person clues in to what you’re (not) saying. Say what you mean. You can be nice about it! But say what you mean. The internet is not going to burn to the ground if you tell someone “Oh! Thanks for the offer, but I’m not really up for that.” or even just “No, thank you.” the way we were all taught when we were, like, five.
Yes! Exactly!
You dropping what would be a very clear hint to anyone else that you aren’t enjoying our interactions:
Me who is terrible at social interactions:
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I do kinda’ feel like… as a hobby, we need a masterclass on how to take a hint through text.
For me, I look for enthusiasm and actual action. I give someone time to reach out to me. All it takes is a few instances of someone reaching out for me to understand that this person does indeed want to hang.
If I reach out and get a response, but it’s very lukewarm and they don’t actually follow up, or offer very little assistance in the way of actually planning a scene, I take the hint. Saves us both the trouble. I’ll ask twice, generally, and see if there’s any connection there, but no more.
If NO ONE engages with me after I put in some moderate effort to be fun and friendly on channels and offer to run scenes or Do A Thing, then I tend to write off the crowd as not a good fit for me and move on.
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@Yam I mean, earlier in the intro to mu*ing thread it was mentioned about nuerodiverse our community is. We’d be just as well served by a masterclass on how to communicate a clear boundary instead of relying on hints and easily misinterpreted social cues. But I know that would give plenty of people panic attacks, too. This stuff is all just part of the beautiful mess.
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We do actually have data on how people say that want to be directly told things but then no one actually wants to do that apparently.
I have no idea what to make of it.
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@Yam That’s not unsurprising. The majority of people are understanding and considerate, so they want people to be direct and honest with them. However a minority of people are not understanding or considerate, and the understanding and considerate people don’t want to roll the dice on whether the person they are being direct and honest with is the former rather than the latter.
