Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent
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@WhiteRaven There is, of course, a possibility that has nothing to do with you in any way. You did nothing wrong. You aren’t being ghosted. Things happen to people. It’s entirely possible they are unable to contact you due to various reason that don’t really need to be elaborated on.
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You know, fuck scammers man.
Here I am trying to look for a new job because they announced layoffs at my company, and I get an e-mail about setting up an interview. Talk to someone, have a lengthy back and forth and then the more I dig and look into it after the fact, the more and more certain I am of it being a scam. Hitting all the notes from some other anecdotes I’ve found online and its like…
It’s fuckin bad enough dealing with our shit ass capitalist system
If you are just trying to scam people looking for opportunities, you’re a sleazebag POS and need to be yeeted straight into the sun.
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So, in the last 5-6 weeks:
Part of a neighbor’s tree (I live in the PNW and this is one of those giant trees that predate the 20th Century) fell on my house and ripped out the power conduits, part of the siding, and effectively destroyed our yard and fence. Insurance covered most of it (minus deductible) but the extent of this means we have to deal with paper checks while we had to basically shell out close to 20 grand out-of-pocket. Paper checks that have to be slow-boat endorsed and mailed by the mortgage company (who are a bunch of fucking Draculas who bought our mortgage from the original lender).
The same people who can magically accept payments from us electronically have to employ some shithead in a mail room to physically scan the check and can only mail it back to us standard mail.
That doesn’t include all the additional yard work needed in the wake of that mess. Add some family medical emergencies to this and a couple work vacancies that I have to fill in for and all I can say is:
Just slow the fuck down. Please.
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I wrote out this whole long multi-paragraph thing and then decided not to post it. I just want to say that I’m struggling a lot lately. Nothing game related. Nothing forum related. Just in my own head space and dealing with things that linger in the dark there.
I’m just venting this to the void and I’m completely safe IRL and everything. I just can’t seem to shake the place I’m currently in. Nothing is even really wrong in my life, other than apparently my brain chemistry and perception of it.
Anyways, I’m sure it will pass, but I don’t know. I feel I had to put it down in print some where. If that makes sense. I guess.
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@RightMeow said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:
Anyways, I’m sure it will pass, but I don’t know.
It will. Good times, bad times, whatever times, it’ll all pass. It might pass like a kidney stone, but it’ll pass.
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@RightMeow said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:
I wrote out this whole long multi-paragraph thing and then decided not to post it. I just want to say that I’m struggling a lot lately. Nothing game related. Nothing forum related. Just in my own head space and dealing with things that linger in the dark there.
I’m just venting this to the void and I’m completely safe IRL and everything. I just can’t seem to shake the place I’m currently in. Nothing is even really wrong in my life, other than apparently my brain chemistry and perception of it.
Anyways, I’m sure it will pass, but I don’t know. I feel I had to put it down in print some where. If that makes sense. I guess.
I feel you.
My RL is so crazy right now that I broke down sobbing because I accidentally dropped the 1/3rd remainder of my nephew’s birthdate cake on the floor.
(It wasn’t even my fault, it was the fault of whoever got cake last, they didn’t actually close the box, so it collapsed in my hands and went splat.)
I feel silly for crying now, but in the moment it was literally the end of the world.
It’ll get better for both of us, we just gotta wait it out.
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@Cobalt totally not silly to cry about something like that!
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I feel this, but lately I just cry. For no reason. Which is a little concerning to me because I’m not really a crier.
My job? No longer toxic and is probably supportive.
My personal life? Fine.
My finances? Okay, other than I need to stay off of Amazon.
My MU life? No drama. No time for RP it feels like, but there is no drama or exclusion, etc when I’m available.
My forum life? No drama. I mis-read something, but I didn’t have a full emotional response and I don’t think anyone is gunning for me. Or they are doing it so well I don’t see it. So no drama.However, I’ll just cry and feel miserable for no reason behind it. I’m not in harm place or anything. I’m just not… me? You know. So I get it. I do.
Maybe we just need to have a cry it out party. We’ll eat cookies and cry.
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Months of asking my doctor if she had reviewed my X-rays only for her to tell me at my appointment “oh yeah, guess I didn’t send you anything, you need an MRI”. And the MRI is scheduled next day -.-
We could have done this MONTHS ok.
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My blood boils every time I see someone selling kittens on Nextdoor. BOILS.
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Sorry for two posts in a row:
We meet with our certification on the 11th for the first time to begin the home study process to foster. The home study is the last step in our 2 year process to become foster parents.
I’m so nervous that she will take an instant dislike to us I feel almost physically sick. And also overwhelmed because now I keep seeing every flaw in our home and going “That will be why we get denied. Yup. There is a visible crack where the flooring wasn’t cut perfectly and so you can see an 1/8 of an inch under the molding. I need to go buy a caulking gun and colored caulk to fill that in even though I know logically I will never need a caulking gun again.”
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@junipersky Wishing you all of the luck/good vibes! I’m sure you’d be an amazing foster parent
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If you have interacted with me at all for any sort of time, you know I’m an overthinker. Part of that is I will never think the praise is about me, but I’ll think everything negative is. Yeah, yeah. I know.
Onwards.
Positive toxicity.
I’m fucking optimistic. I have been all my RL and people have accused me of being fake. I’ve had to alter who I am at my core for my friends IRL (they are not actually my friends currently) to not be so positive. I’ve been told to shut up when I am being authentically who I am.
I tend to end posts here about being kind to each other. Not to dismiss others because I’m also (I thought) pretty supportive of what people feel. You feel your feels. Your feels are valid. It’s just I have been in such a dark place after run-ins with people (DownWithOPP/Ruiz/etc) and the fall out from all of that – it’s almost like hey just a quick reminder to breathe.
Soooo… now I’m confused and this confusion is stupidly effecting me RL.
What is the line between just being an optimist with ADHD (which probably means I’m hyper happy) and being toxic?
Should I not post? Should I not say uplifting things? Should I not point out good points? I’m genuinely confused and not sure, but it is never my intent to harm. I’m just who I am and maybe that’s a bad thing?
Anyways - I don’t think the original vent was at me as I don’t think I interact with the person, but it’s caused me to be curious.
Also, this is a genuine ask, not a tell me I’m great or anything. Where it the line? What do you alter? If you are a RL optimist at what point of alteration for others do you then become unauthentic?
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@RightMeow I can only answer for me, but my understanding of the boundary between optimism and toxic positivity is that the latter is used to shut down or dismiss other people’s legitimate reactions or emotions. It’s not toxic positivity to want people to get along and be kind to each other. It’s toxic positivity to tell someone not to talk about something abusive someone did because “this is a happy place” or “it would ruin the mood”.
I genuinely think we could all use a bit more optimism and a little less petty needling at each other, so I don’t think you should feel bad about wanting that. It’s just a matter of reading the room and recognizing that sometimes people need to talk about things that aren’t positive, and it’s okay for them to do that.
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@RightMeow said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:
If you have interacted with me at all for any sort of time, you know I’m an overthinker. Part of that is I will never think the praise is about me, but I’ll think everything negative is. Yeah, yeah. I know.
Onwards.
Positive toxicity.
I’m fucking optimistic. I have been all my RL and people have accused me of being fake. I’ve had to alter who I am at my core for my friends IRL (they are not actually my friends currently) to not be so positive. I’ve been told to shut up when I am being authentically who I am.
I tend to end posts here about being kind to each other. Not to dismiss others because I’m also (I thought) pretty supportive of what people feel. You feel your feels. Your feels are valid. It’s just I have been in such a dark place after run-ins with people (DownWithOPP/Ruiz/etc) and the fall out from all of that – it’s almost like hey just a quick reminder to breathe.
Soooo… now I’m confused and this confusion is stupidly effecting me RL.
What is the line between just being an optimist with ADHD (which probably means I’m hyper happy) and being toxic?
Should I not post? Should I not say uplifting things? Should I not point out good points? I’m genuinely confused and not sure, but it is never my intent to harm. I’m just who I am and maybe that’s a bad thing?
Anyways - I don’t think the original vent was at me as I don’t think I interact with the person, but it’s caused me to be curious.
Also, this is a genuine ask, not a tell me I’m great or anything. Where it the line? What do you alter? If you are a RL optimist at what point of alteration for others do you then become unauthentic?
Toxic positivity has a lot of aspects. One of them is what @Pyrephox mentioned above. Other aspects are the performative, public displays of “omg you are all so great forever” that I see a lot, especially when they end up humble-posting about “omg you guys, you’re so nice that you even replied to my nice post about how nice I am, wow”.
It creates a thin veneer that can be used to cover up things that aren’t so nice, things that are toxic and problematic.
I don’t think being positive is a bad thing. I work hard to be positive and express that positivity when it’s has merit. If I’m chatting about something on my game and someone says the people there are friendly, I express that yeah, I’m really proud of how friendly the game culture is, or whatever. But I don’t go out of my way to post random page-long stuff on public forums about “OMG EVERYONE HERE IS SO GREAT”.
Like most things, I think toxic positivity is contextual.
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When it is used primarily to help the person soothe their own discomfort over another person’s strong feelings.
When it is directing others while not even asking about their experiences and why they may be criticizing or enacting a firmer boundary than the person being “uplifting” would.
When that person is inappropriately inserting themselves as arbiter of what can be said and in what tone.
And yes honestly when someone seems to center their worth and value in reminding people at every turn, it can come across as performative/off-putting especially for people who have experience the predatory side of toxic positivity/keep sweet.
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I think it may also help to define what one means as far as being an optimist.
In my RL I am often someone who is called supportive and nurturing and someone who helps others feel safe or like its going to be okay because we will be able to problem solve together or because they know that they can depend on me to come through with resources or support even if that’s just listening without inserting my unasked for commentary. Is that an optimist? I don’t do rah rah cheerleading or encourage people to feel or do something they’re not in a space to. I find shutting people off from worry/anger/ect actually makes things worse. I learned how to listen and to frankly shut up more so I could actually help instead of being in the way by making a lot of mistakes. I’ve had a lot of opportunities to do that based on the jobs I’ve had and the community work I like.
I escaped the high demand group I was raised in but it took me a long time to break free of the mentality they imposed on me and honestly there’s simply just some things within me that are and will remain ugly broken. However, pretty much everyone has something like that in their lives. I tend to assume that people generally are doing the best they can. And its okay to acknowledge that while also saying “but you’re going to have to leave this game,” “I don’t want you to contact me again,” “I am angry/hurt and I am going to express it even if you don’t like how I do it,” ect. You can love someone deeply while also being angry at them. Or rejecting some of the actions they’ve chosen to take.
I am constantly amazed by the strength and resilience I see in people every day. If they invite me to be part of that process I enjoy that very much. But nobody has ever improved because I reminded them to unsolicited, or because I was so great that I alone gave them wisdom that nobody else could. I don’t know that I think optimism or pessimism is superior or inferior. To me that is mostly about the future outlook and most of my personal aim is to when I’m at my best try to make sure they know that I’m seeing them right now.
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My experience with toxic positivity are sayings like…
“Remember to smile even when you’re feeling down.”
“Think positive thoughts, always.”
“You’re in control of your mood, so only you get to decide whether you’re going to be happy today.”