ugh, I’m sorry you had to deal with this. This is an awful, unnecessary, and annoying thing. How on earth is a brain tumor funny in any sense?

Yeah this is why (aside from maybe a couple friends) I no longer trust anyone when they say “I have an awesome idea, but I want it to be a surprise.” Even if I don’t think the person would pull anything like that it just gives me anxiety.

I do think any struggle can be approached with a defiant humor, but that’s the decision of the people experiencing it. We named my husband’s tumor ‘Tina Tumor’ and when we found out it was gone we went out with our friends and my toast was a very bad Arnold impersonation.

@RightMeow THAT’S why I space out randomly! You’re using our shared brain. It all makes sense.

@RightMeow Yeah I wasn’t even personally offended by that aspect because I knew they didn’t know, but when I tried to distance myself and they reacted with aggression I went to ‘Nope’. I understand the over explaining and panic state exactly. I still struggle with boundaries, but thankfully I’m a lot better.

As for humor, I view it similarly to pranks or jokes. If the target or participant doesn’t find it funny? Stop. If the purpose is truly to cause levity then you (general you) will feel remorse when that isn’t the resulting effect. If the purpose is instead self entertainment and attention seeking, you defend instead of take accountability.

There have been plenty of times I’ve meant something in good nature or with positive motive and it turned out otherwise. I’ve apologized and remembered the scenario years later in my head while trying to sleep…not tried to guilt the other person.

@Wizz said in Tough Calls:

@somasatori said in Tough Calls:

ah yes, brain damage. what a laugh riot

I gotta be honest, that alone would probably be enough for me to tell someone to take a while to reflect and grow somewhere else before trying to play a game I ran again.

This. Media already tries to humorize or romanticize physical, mental, and other struggles enough. It’s triggering. I had someone pull off this ‘grand’ and ‘hilarious’ plot twist in a scene where their character was revealed to have a brain tumor so not only did that 1) Make all their actions ok it 2) Made my character and asshole for not instantly supporting them and me oocly an asshole for removing my char from the story and hook.

My husband was still dealing with his brain tumor at the time. Did the person know that? No. Should I have to tell them or explain how “brain tumors aren’t comedic content” for them to have common sense? No.

@Jumpscare Your patience. Holy Mother of Megazon. I applaud you.

Side note, it’s baffling the number of people who think ‘Understanding what I’m saying’ = ‘Agreeing with me/Me getting my way’.

@Gashlycrumb Also, chances are most of the people you (general not specific) have a problem with have a similar opinion of you so 1) Why would they care? 2) Why would they be surprised? People are allowed to avoid games because of Staff (whether your own issue or in support of someone else) so it seems hypocritical to not allow Staff the same option especially when they’re the one putting in the effort to run the game.

@Pavel said in Warma-Sheen:

My mother, eventually, came up with an ingenious solution to the problem: I would be punished for things that the imaginary friend did.

Suddenly, the imaginary friend disappeared.

@Gashlycrumb The best advice I got from someone for running my own game is “Your game is your living room you’re inviting people into. You keep the lights on and you don’t owe anyone an explanation for who you let in or not.”

@Cobalt

@Pavel Agreed. Self care and boundaries are important for game runners and staff too. In my experience this doesn’t get supported enough.

@InkGolem This was the Forum post made back in September explaining things:

@tsar This whole entire development has just been encouraging. I think it says a lot that you were willing to acknowledge Pacha’s emotions and experience even though you were unaware of it happening and also that it wasn’t the motivation of your actions.

It also says a lot about @Pacha for being able to acknowledge your position in the situation. While also not allowing these interactions to create a negative viewpoint.

So kudos to both of you!

At the end of the day we’re all human with our own lives and struggles. We don’t know how our actions (or the actions of those associated with us too) can be interpreted by others. We also can’t know the motive of others actions who we interact with. MUSH is behind a screen and most times we don’t know the person on the other side.

We may become friends over time and we may meet some of these people, but for the most part we remain strangers who share a love of escaping our reality through adventure. Yet, somehow our interactions with these people can still impact us and others in ways we can’t anticipate.

I’ve viewed others as being part of a ‘clique’ before. Either shutting out people or monopolizing rp and I admit I’ve let myself either be offended or get self conscious about it. Likewise, I’ve found out down the road that I have been viewed as part of a clique, monopolizing rp, or having some sort of fan following.

I know on my end none of that was my intention. Which made me realize. If I know it wasn’t my intention isn’t it possible that I’m misreading others actions the same mine were misread? I’ve given a lot more grace to myself and others as a result and overall it’s made rp a lot more fun. It’s also ironically helped me create healthier boundaries as well.

Sorry for the long ramble, but this took me down an encouraging thought trail and yeah tl;dr basically:

@dvoraen

ETA - I just had a cursed thought occur to me. Does that count as RP voyeurism, where you just watch other people do a thing IC that you don’t (intentionally) interact with, not because of your character intentionally being a wallflower or the like, but you as the player just “pretend” to be there engaging?

Me watching reality tv for the same reason:

@MisterBoring True! Granted, I’m a hobbit and keep to myself so it’s less literal for me too. It still helped put things into perspective as far as why I’d bend over backwards to accommodate someone online when I wouldn’t do that irl.

@Roz

@Roz Yet no matter how many warnings or strikes you give the banhammer always comes “out of nowhere” -_-

@Juniper I had someone once explain it to me as “If you wouldn’t invite them into your living room why would you invite them into your game?” Whether it’s a game, a scene, or whatever. The same concept remains.

My in person friendships get a lot more grace and chances. I’ve also had online friendships get to the point of earning those chances because of my history with the person.

Boundaries aren’t bad (whether as staff or player) though especially for people you don’t know outside of a game and who haven’t put in the effort to receive additional chances.

Giving someone you hardly know, who has shown a negative behavior, the continued chance to add to your stress and the stress of those around you?

I’m a hypocrite sometimes though and still have trouble having a spine. The older I get though? The less fucks I give.

@Yam I think the difference there is Staff have an expectation on them because they chose to either make a game or take a title of responsibility on said game. Setting expectations of players past the ‘follow game rules’ could make it seem like people have to earn the privilege to be on a game.

People don’t have to run or staff games. Players don’t have to play them. One choice gives you more control and influence in the overall dynamic though.

That being said, there’s some aspect of common sense. No you don’t have to play in scenes or participate or attend events. However, also don’t be the player that doesn’t do those things and then complains when your char doesn’t get certain plot/results/interaction.

@junipersky You and other foster mom are fantastic and that is awesome!