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    Jenn

    @Jenn

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    Age 45
    Location Southern Indiana, US of A

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    Best posts made by Jenn

    • RE: Neitherlands

      So… I really thought all of this shit was just done and over with. It’s been a month, and there’s been a lot of RL happening since, and plenty of other games. Once someone decided that me trying to say that @inuki didn’t deserve to be threatened was me beating a dead horse… I closed this thread and didn’t look back.

      But that’s before I woke up to three different DM’s in my Discord about Sophia, asking if I was back. Apparently, a month after being banned, and a month after having been moved to the ‘dead’ part of characters with a note that was just awful…

      Sophia lives again? At least long enough to have had her password changed so that scenes set private - and only to her - could be shared game-wide. WTF? How petty can shit get? @inuki - Any ACTUAL answers this time? I kind of thought you’d sunk as low as people can, and had found the hard rock bottom for game staff. But I guess you continue to surprise me!

      SophiaScreenshot.png

      posted in Rough and Rowdy
      JennJ
      Jenn
    • RE: Unspeakables: The Politics Thread 2024

      Deals with very heavy physical health issues, please avoid is such topics are triggering for you.

      I’m on hospice. It’s excruciating and full of pain, terror, and stress. But those symptoms are very well managed by a team of medical professionals I deeply and truly trust. They all have my best interests at heart. It’s a horrible process, and I hate it with everything I have inside of me. But there are agencies and support systems doing their absolute best to provide all possible comfort and symptom control.

      I’m in a red state that has gone far redder as of this election, medicaid is openly on the chopping block during session one post-inauguration. Project 2025 has Medicare and Social Security on the chopping blocks. Currently, I’m lucky enough to be dying comfortably in my own home with all my comfort items, puts, and people. But if I lose my insurance and disability income? I’m looking at a very different end to my life some day, and that terrifies me to my core.

      posted in No Escape from Reality
      JennJ
      Jenn
    • RE: Neitherlands

      @Warma-Sheen said in Neitherlands:

      You coming back to take more digs at @inuki kind of makes it seem like you’re just trying to bait her. She very obviously made a conscious decision not to do the thing you say you think she’s going to do, but you showed up to insinuate she’s gonna do it anyway while calling her a horrible person for it.

      I mean. You’re going to read things however you wish, and it’s clear how you wish to read these comments. But I am pretty certain that this is not me coming back to take digs. It was a month ago she banned me. I have not looked back. But when old friends page me on Discord to ask if I’m back behind Sophia’s keys? Yeah. I pulled the game site up Saturday to see wtf they meant. “Coming back to take digs” is when someone logs into someone else’s account, reads through their personal shit, and then posts scenes that had nothing to do with them.

      So I came by to ask if there was a reason for that. She’s clearly been by here since then, but there are no reasons for that. It’s not a dig at someone to point out that someone else is snooping through their things with massive abuses and violations of staff powers.

      I know she is an easy target which is why the thread has gone the way it is, but you’re just being a bully.

      Like I said. You’re clearly reading things how you want them to read, not from any factual stand-point. Pointing out what she does or doesn’t choose to do is not being a bully. It’s informing others on the playground that there’s someone near the swings trying to steal lunch money. It’s a suggestion that folks maybe stay out of the lines of that theft by playing on the jungle gym instead. This was dead, over, and far past done. I was not the one who decided two days ago that it should be opened back up again.

      Not to mentioned the part where you started telling other people that she was forcing your character to be sexually assaulted, which wasn’t true.
      She said “Go bigger on the curse. This is hell-realm (edited typo) torture. THink the worst you can imagine. go bigger after”

      You inferred sexual assault, then made it seem like she was forcing that on your character and you weren’t okay with it, without ever checking in on whether that was actually what was intended.

      Yeah. Hell realm. Worst torture you can imagine, then make that imagination infinitely worse… Maybe I just have too much imagination. Maybe she really didn’t mean to add that to the curse. But it does not at all mean it wasn’t implied, and that I was not CONSTANTLY paged in EVERY scene - even ones private because we didn’t want to deal with her, being told I wasn’t writing out that it was as severe as I should have been.

      I know I’m not the only person in the past to have suffered SA. I believe Inuki at face value that they have, too. But hurt people hurt people. Being harmed doesn’t mean you can’t harm others. But I find it a very large cognitive stretch to believe anyone who has suffered from SA in their past would not imagine that non-consentual subject matter would not be part of the worst that could be imagined.

      During the scenes of Sophia’s curse, she woke up the first night with coverable bruises. Was told go bigger. Obvious bruises she couldn’t cover, and injured enough she was limping. Got told again to go bigger. Broken ribs and a crushed kidney. Breathing is so hard, so is existing in general. No. Once more. GO BIGGER.

      So could I have been wrong about what the implications were supposed to have been? Absolutely. I’m wrong on a lot of things, a lot of the times. But I don’t know what bigger I could have gone from broken bones and organ crushing that DOESN’T include the allusions I think she was making, and I know that I’m not the only one who read that curse the same way I did.

      When she washed her hands and did not want to deal with you anymore she passed you off to another player, but you continued to antagonize.
      That’s untrue. Just, in all directions, that is untrue. OTHER people asked her to storytell from it, because they wanted to see the curse broken. She storytold curse breaking for her friends. She didn’t storytell it for anyone else. Conrad and Leto trying to bust her out of hell? That was them. Laurent, Ilaria, and Luka wanting the Sparrow story told? Again, their choices. I’m not sure why she thinks I can control what stories other people do or don’t write. But people requesting ST and job things about how they can help someone else? That’s not anything I can control. Blaming me for other people wanting to do things about plots and stories is weird at best, and manipulatively gaslighting at worst.

      After all that came Leto teaching the super secret family magic to Sophia almost immediately (you were only on the game like 2-3 weeks), then getting upset when the family comes at you for it.

      LOL. Honestly, I don’t know where you’re getting your info, but your facts are not correct. Leto did not teach Sophia Erikson magic. Over the off-screen first year they were at Brakebills, she learned what some runes meant. It was Wizard’s own suggest that one of the two dots we were given as second years for languages and background skills would have made sense to be Old Norse. I dropped that by his typist, and he said cool. Sophia never did nor planned to write/weave/ecth/whatever runes into something magical. But it doesn’t mean she didn’t watch him do enough of that to where she could look at a stone and know which of them would be hot to touch, and which frozen.

      SHE TOOK A SINGULAR LANGUAGE POINT.

      And two weeks after that point was added, Wiz changed her mind. Knowing the language was the SAME as being taught horrible, secret, private danger magics. So we had to fix it, or face the ICC of our characters being killed. We pitched a FEW things, so she could pick among them for what best fit her game.

      • Just retcon the language part. Sophia never learned it, the dot point can just be tossed and trashed.
      • Leto could refuse to tell Sophia about the dangers, and he’d take the risk and punishments for having taught her how to read runes if/when anyone ever found out about it.
      • Leto could make Sophia into an Erikson. He would tell Sophia about the risks her reading runes poses, and she’d begrudgingly accept a proposal. If anyone lived long enough to graduate, they would get married after, but long engagement to finish their education first - because untrained magicians are dangerous.

      NONE of those options were accepted. She told two PC’s that they had to elope and marry, literally that second on the spot… Or they’d be put to miserable deaths.

      So yes. I got snarky af about that. I was not a saint. I am not a saint. But I don’t think sainthood is required for being seriously pissed off when a character takes a sugggestion from staff, and then staff decides to use that suggestion as a reason to either force the character into unwanted marriage, or die a terrible death. So yeah. I was waiting for the ban, at that point. Because it’s not like I was going to take either of those other two options.

      But then you kept up the antagonism until she had no other choice to ban you. … But looking at them, they were all pretty reasonable. I’d say they were lenient to you.

      LOL. Whatever, man. If you think forced content and blaming a singular character for the choices of others is leniency? Huh. That’s a choice and world-view you can have, I guess.

      So now you think your embarrassing TS logs are gonna be put out there to get back at you,

      Oh, honey. No. I’m not embarrassed over anything I typed. If I didn’t want to have written it, I wouldn’t have. But unlike that vignette, I wasn’t the only person who typed them. It’s not embarrassment. It’s the super disgusting choices to invade the privacy of other characters and typists, a month after none of us are even there, because for whatever reason she just can’t let this shit go. I will never apologize for being worried and upset that someone would choose to write vulnerable stories with me under the pre-agreed boundaries that the scenes were and would be and stay private… And now I cannot keep those promises. Those scenes are in the hands of someone who has shown time and again they hold no scruples, principles, or respect for others. So yeah. I’m scared af she is going to hurt other people alongside whatever this vendetta my way is, too. If you want to pretend that being sad that other people are being hurt makes me non-saintly? Feel those feels. Emotions are things we’re all entitled to feel and to have validated. But after you’ve finished feeling them? You might want to look at the facts and experiences those emotions are based upon. Because there seems to be some disconnect between your beliefs and what actually happened.

      Is this enough of the drama you are clearly craving?
      Again. The craving of drama was someone logging their staff bit into the private scenes and conversations of a character who has been dead and gone over a month. She’s the one who decided to re-open all of this nonsense. I’m not going to apologize for pointing that nonsense out after she did so.

      posted in Rough and Rowdy
      JennJ
      Jenn
    • RE: How dangerous is VASpider?

      @Pavel said in How dangerous is VASpider?:

      Who cares what we have to say? Let the normal person doing real-world things form their own opinion.

      Nah. This isn’t it. If there is a predator known for hurting people in the real-world, and you know someone that predator is invested into as a potential next target… You don’t just stand back and possibly wait for someone just to be abused about it. They absolutely deserve to know the histories and the risks that are associated as fore-warned. We break toxic cycles any time and every time we can.

      posted in Rough and Rowdy
      JennJ
      Jenn
    • RE: MU Peeves Thread

      @insomniac

      I met a new gamer on a new game a few weeks ago. And they asked through the grapevine about my reputation… The answer they got was:

      Kind.
      SUPER AuDHD!

      I’ve never felt more seen by a stranger in my life.

      posted in Rough and Rowdy
      JennJ
      Jenn
    • RE: Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent

      @Solstice - I’m putting this under a spoiler tag, because I hope maybe talking through similar things will provide some assurance and support. But. I also don’t want to trigger those fears further, or make things worse. So. If you don’t want to read it, PLEASE don’t. Either way. I’m so sorry you experienced that. I’m glad you came out ok on the other side. And I hope your mind gets gentler and kinder about how stressful drastic illnesses can be - even after they’ve physically healed.

      Commentary re: unpromised time and having to come to terms with the impossible beneath the tag.

      I don’t know if I should write this or not. But I’m going to, in hopes that maybe it will help ease some of your burden. If it makes things worse, I’m really, really sorry.

      I disappeared from the internet earlier this year as summer faded into fall. I got devastating medical news. It’s going to lead to an absolute horror-show ending that I am to my core terrified of experiencing and have NO IDEA what to do long-term about figuring out how to maybe cope with it.

      If I’m lucky, I’ll have time to maybe make coping progress. If I’m not… Well. I won’t have to cope after, either way.

      But the part that actually seems impossible… I know the whats. They are indisputable and not changeable at all. But. NO ONE knows the whens. Tomorrow? Next week? A random Tuesday a year and a half from now? A couple decades? There is zero timeline predictability from ANY of the specialists, despite the definite knowledge of how it ends.

      I spent a few months honestly just crying for a lot of it, and telling people how much I loved them in between. I spent a lot of time broken-hearted at all the things I might end up missing out on doing before it comes. I grieved the loss that hasn’t come yet, but that will.

      But the longer I grieved and the more I waited… The less patience I had for it. Some of the bucket list won’t ever happen, because my body isn’t capable. But. There are still plenty of things that I still may well have time to surprise myself with.

      I baked and cooked for those I love, their favorites, even if I couldn’t eat with them. The joy as they ate was more than enough. I went on long drives with loud music and windows down and good coffee talking about everything and nothing with my spouse. I watched bad movies with my partner. I spent as much time telling my bestie how perfect she is as I could. I veg’ed with friends and gave my mom extra hugs. I still cried a lot. I will probably still cry a lot always - even if it does end up being decades.

      I read books that have been on my to-read list for ages. I read old favorites from when I was super young. I bought tickets to every play and musical that came through our town, even if I did have to miss about a third of them because day of my body couldn’t. But I also saw a University production of my all time favorite musical that I thought legit did it better than when I saw it on Broadway.

      And each day where the awful didn’t come… Each day made me just a little braver in regards to my capacity to deal with the bad one, when it gets here. And eventually, coping skills and therapy made progress. I /probably/ know how. I’ll never know when until it’s done. But like. The SCARY part of that is true for everyone. None of us know when.

      And fuck. Maybe even I don’t know the how. Maybe a plane falls out of the sky on top of me, or I’m bitten trying to pet a rabid raccoon, or I get a Covid or flu or strep or other infection my compromised immune system can’t handle and the end comes without reaching the certain moment of awful after all.

      When it comes down to it… Every single minute is an un-promised gift. Try to enjoy as many of them as you can. Give yourself compassion and grace on the ones that are harder or scarier. Tell the folks you love how much you love them. Pet any fuzzy thing that crosses your path. Spend more on dinner than you can maybe afford that week, and make up for that favorite special meal with a few weeks of instant ramen to fund it.

      And just be as kind to yourself as you can manage. Because death is really scary. And there are no promises. But. Right now? In this moment, we’re all here, and trying, and doing our best. And that’s just as beautiful as it is terrifying.

      I’m not going to posit any of what may or may not come next. I don’t know for sure what I think about that even for myself, much less for what it could be with anyone else. But. I believe in every fiber that makes me that love is forever, and that spark will get passed on long after those who love me are gone, because it will show in how they love others, and how those others love others, and on and on and on.

      And when I forget how to grieve and mourn with joy and gratitude, and need a cathartic sob before carrying on… Andrea Gibson’s poetry has been unspeakably useful - to me. Her book ‘You Better Be Lightning’ is both heartbreaking and heartbuilding in all of the best and worst ways possible.

      I’m rooting for you over here. I’m rooting for us all. ❤

      posted in No Escape from Reality
      JennJ
      Jenn
    • RE: Neitherlands

      Given what unshared scenes often consist of, I felt the idea of someone walking into a roster game and seeing that sort of activity with their new character might be off-putting.

      But I am so sorry this person keeps finding new ways to victimize you. 😞

      A few things:

      • I think it would be AMAZIGLY awesome to be able to share private scenes that makes them readable only to the characters who wrote them - and to wipe those if/when one of those charbits enter a scene/delete command.

      • At least the two she posted weren’t embarrassing. It’s just that one of them was being in the middle of being written when I caught my nuke… And the other was a vignette that was unshared because as I was writing it, things on the IC screen changed circumstances, so it was irrelevant. But I also figured in the future it would come back around again so I let it idle rather than needing to write it.

      • There are still three scenes that WEREN’T shared by her yesterday. One is a very ugly verbal fight while my character was in the hospital between her, her best friend, and her not-boyfriend. The other two were absolutely nothing at all except some pretty explicit smut. At this point… I’m absolutely expecting revenge porn posting of those at some point. And I’m not gonna lie… That triggers my CPTSD in some truly significant ways. But I realize how irrational that is, too. If it happens, it happens, and all I can do is hope anyone who may read it at least has popcorn. If there /is/ a line @inuki is actually willing not to cross… I’d be ridiculous amounts of surprised and grateful.

      posted in Rough and Rowdy
      JennJ
      Jenn
    • RE: But Why

      @De-Villefort

      I feel like it’s super weird how hard you’re going against the concept of people playing fantasy while ignoring a lot of the exact same issues in sci fi. But at the same time, I also absolutely get when one thing is just your thing and something else isn’t.

      But either way, I’m really sorry to hear about your mom, and the circumstances y’all are facing. And you’re not the only person I know for whom $12/month to spare on games is an unattainable luxury. I hope at some point soon that will change, because it’s terrible going check to check that way and knowing the only place to cut back is from your own plates.

      posted in Game Gab
      JennJ
      Jenn
    • RE: Neitherlands

      @helvetica said in MU Peeves Thread:

      @Coin said in MU Peeves Thread:

      @CuriousGamer said in MU Peeves Thread:

      @Coin What game was that for?

      Neitherlands.

      Yeahhhhhh, haha. This bitch is out of pocket. So, she currently head-admins that game, where she’s gone gradually more and more power-mad in the mere three-ish weeks it’s existed. I have some receipts, but honestly, none of her behavior is particularly creative. A lot of knee-jerk redacting of rules and previous decisions, and revising history in an effort to isolate and provoke specific players of characters that she deems rivals, particularly those who seem to draw romantic attention. If players leave, even politely, she refits their characters as brutally murdered plot fodder regardless of last will.

      … along with a lovely shamy public post. She loves an all-caps shamy redaction post.

      All in all, a low score on the creep scoreboard. I rate her an avoid, unless you’re a cat who likes to play with your food.

      I have a LOT of receipts. Please make popcorn if you want them. Creep score is OFF THE RAILS. Like. First ban I’ve ever had on a game in 25 years. Taking this one as a badge of pride. ❤

      posted in Rough and Rowdy
      JennJ
      Jenn
    • RE: Liberation MUSH

      @Wizz said in Liberation MUSH:

      hey surprise-- it’s transactional. “I’m shitty towards women because they haven’t paid attention to me.”

      It’s really just the exact same principle as the kinds of people who believe in “The Friend Zone”. The friendship is the valuable piece in the relationship. And yet, there are still weirdos out there who insist that they are such “Good Guys TM” that they “deserve” more than just friendship, and the fact that they’re not getting that “upgraded” transaction from their investment as a friend suddenly means the friendship is meaningless and they’ve been slighted.

      posted in Rough and Rowdy
      JennJ
      Jenn

    Latest posts made by Jenn

    • RE: Unspeakables: The Politics Thread 2024

      Deals with very heavy physical health issues, please avoid is such topics are triggering for you.

      I’m on hospice. It’s excruciating and full of pain, terror, and stress. But those symptoms are very well managed by a team of medical professionals I deeply and truly trust. They all have my best interests at heart. It’s a horrible process, and I hate it with everything I have inside of me. But there are agencies and support systems doing their absolute best to provide all possible comfort and symptom control.

      I’m in a red state that has gone far redder as of this election, medicaid is openly on the chopping block during session one post-inauguration. Project 2025 has Medicare and Social Security on the chopping blocks. Currently, I’m lucky enough to be dying comfortably in my own home with all my comfort items, puts, and people. But if I lose my insurance and disability income? I’m looking at a very different end to my life some day, and that terrifies me to my core.

      posted in No Escape from Reality
      JennJ
      Jenn
    • RE: why is nobody talking about Veilguard

      I’m not playing it, for a mix of reasons, but mostly because poor hand/eye coordination, pain, and focus/fatigue/energy issues.

      But it looks cool af, and I would LOVE to see others playing it. So. If any of y’all are game streamers who like folks asking silly questions about shit while you’re off adventuring, I’d be down to tag along from time to time!

      posted in Other Games
      JennJ
      Jenn
    • RE: Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent

      @Buttercup

      Take the discount. Enjoy the bagels. Life is short and precious, and if you get to pay a few less dimes for a few years extra? You’ve more than earned the discounts in other ways. Rock the white beard and pay no attention to the rest of it.

      posted in No Escape from Reality
      JennJ
      Jenn
    • RE: MU Peeves Thread

      @Snackness

      I’ve never been so grateful for cosmic timing in my life. So glad my one night offline for like, a month now, came just in time to manage to miss that undesired blast from a long ago past.

      posted in Rough and Rowdy
      JennJ
      Jenn
    • RE: MU Peeves Thread

      @L-B-Heuschkel
      For large asynch scenes, I’ve found really great luck with 6-8 people in them if it has a GM or ST involved. I use the layout of 1-2 GM poses per day, every 12 or 24 hours. In between each GM pose, every other player is allowed 1-2 poses in any order they want to do so in between. People know to check in either once or twice a day as pre-agreed and no one has to wait to post for ‘their turns’ and can do it at their own conveniences in between each story move forward via scene runner.

      posted in Rough and Rowdy
      JennJ
      Jenn
    • RE: MU Peeves Thread

      @Pavel said in MU Peeves Thread:

      omelette

      dead

      posted in Rough and Rowdy
      JennJ
      Jenn
    • RE: MU Peeves Thread

      For me… I actually don’t care. I love a slow asynch with a pose every three days as people have time. I love a snappy live that kills a few hours and is fun and done. I think all kinds of scenes and styles have their benefits and their detriments, and I’m happy to collaborate into the styles that work best. My only peeve is when folks aren’t honest about what’s going on or why.

      Of course… There are also then the moments when it all goes off the rails and you spend 4 days with broken internet angry that it’s not your pose in like, twelve scenes and they’re typing at everyone under the sun EXCEPT YOU only to come to a month later to realize your internet was not functioning and it was your pose all along in each of them and you’ve been passive aggressive snarking your friends for a week with broken internet while they’re waiting on you to get your shit together… And after a month, you do, but forgot what was happening prior and oh, hell.

      It’s been a year, y’all. 2024 is holding 2012’s beer and I’m scared. If I owe you poses, poke me. If I’ve been a dumbass and owe you apologies, poke me. If we’re all just having a bad time and need hugs and support and understanding, poke me. ❤

      posted in Rough and Rowdy
      JennJ
      Jenn
    • RE: MU Peeves Thread

      what'd i miss

      posted in Rough and Rowdy
      JennJ
      Jenn
    • RE: Royal Paynes

      @Roz The where, at least to me, is mostly irrelevevant. I’m not at all invested into where forum-wise the thread is moved. Staying in this particular forum and just forked to CoG - Mental Manipulation/OOC Behaviors, or something else along those lines would be totally cool by me. I’d just like to be able to know which headspace to be aware of and ready for prior to reading new additions if that’s something that would be ok. If it’s not ok, I’ll find other ways to manage the issues that are less impactful on the words and choices of others instead. ❤

      posted in Game Gab
      JennJ
      Jenn
    • RE: Royal Paynes

      @Roz said in City of Glass - Discussion:

      Rough and Rowdy isn’t for sensitive topics, it’s for a rougher approach to topics.

      It is a sensitive topic. A change of venue isn’t because people are saying mean things. But some of us who have experienced these kinds of manipulations enough to have significant trauma that can be incredibly triggering when you don’t know if you’re about to read about gas-lighting as opposed to Demons/Changeling/CoD theme things is triggering af - at least to me.

      I’m finding myself having to weigh the risks of missing out about theme and lore info that as a new player to the setting is invaluable or instead risking PTSD reactions and trauma responses to something that is not at all CoG specific, even if this particular instance of it happened on this specific game.

      And I’m well aware that my trauma responses and emotional reactions are mine and mine alone to responsibly manage. I can turn off notifications to this thread and stop reading the parts both useful and the ones terrible if the community over-all disagrees with my opinions and think that the topic absolutely belongs in the discussion thread instead. I’m just saying…

      To me specifically, the subject matter absolutely makes both of these things being in the SAME threads inaccessible to continue reading through on a regular and unprepared basis. If that’s NOT an experience unique to me (and it may very well be unique to me) it just seemed to be at least worth mentioning/asking as a way to keep City of Glass discourse available for participation in ways that are not emotionally and mentally detrimental in what I’m assuming are not intended to be either.

      posted in Game Gab
      JennJ
      Jenn