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POLL: How do you avoid / want to be avoided
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*Peeks at early results*
Well, at least we’re all pretty similarly poor at treating as we’d like to be treated. Unity!
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okay i added options of “RP with the person anyways” (and also a counterpoint that i found hilarious of “they should RP with me anyways!” on the other poll), sorry i’m a mess, this polling methodology is SUSPECT
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I have more to say and it’s too much of a different post to edit in.
If I don’t like somebody / enjoy their RP, I won’t play 1:1 privately with them, but unless there’s an Active Issue personality conflict, I’m gonna say yes. I just suggest a list of ideas that are all public, and go play in public with them – RP begets RP, so somebody else almost always shows up.
If there’s an Active Issue, everybody involved knows it, and I prefer it if people in this category 100% pretend I don’t exist. If we wind up in the same place, ignore my poses, and I will ignore yours, and everybody is happy. It is 100% possible to do this with courtesy to make it easy on the avoider/avoidee, and if both do, it causes zero problems.
eta: god I have a lot to say on this topic. My BFF doesn’t post here, but she would corroborate this for me: 7 times out of 10, if I grit my teeth and RP anyway with this person I remember not enjoying…I have fun, and walk away having found something I do like about them. Which is why my policy is to play anyway. I have gotten a LOT lot lot lot lot better about finding things I do like about people in the last few years, though. I have been practicing “assume positive intent” like mad and it’s starting to pay off. A lot.
the entity previously known as Sunny
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@Roz said in POLL: How do you avoid / want to be avoided:
okay i added options of “RP with the person anyways” (and also a counterpoint that i found hilarious of “they should RP with me anyways!” on the other poll), sorry i’m a mess, this polling methodology is SUSPECT
It won’t let me fix my answer.
the entity previously known as Sunny
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@IoleRae said in POLL: How do you avoid / want to be avoided:
@Roz said in POLL: How do you avoid / want to be avoided:
okay i added options of “RP with the person anyways” (and also a counterpoint that i found hilarious of “they should RP with me anyways!” on the other poll), sorry i’m a mess, this polling methodology is SUSPECT
It won’t let me fix my answer.
I’m sorry
I’m a poll failure I did set it so that it’s one vote per browser session, rather than locking to IP or anything, so I think you should be able to make a NEW vote, but I don’t think you can edit a vote since I didn’t turn on the option to require names
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@IoleRae said in POLL: How do you avoid / want to be avoided:
7 times out of 10, if I grit my teeth and RP anyway with this person I remember not enjoying…I have fun, and walk away having found something I do like about them.
Unless something egregious happened, I don’t put anyone on my Avoid List unless it’s been many scenes or over a long period of time. That’s how I answered the poll, anyway.
Which: I prefer to avoid unless asked directly, and I would also like someone to avoid me unless I ask them directly.
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Yeah I think I usually just rp anyway. There are definitely people I have ended up avoiding or who have avoided me, but like… idk unless there’s a real good reason I’d generally rather waste my time and energy on someone I don’t like than make active effort to avoid rp or be direct with someone abt not wanting to deal with them. I play direct people but I am very avoidant of conflict and I hate making other people uncomfortable so if the only person I am going to inconvenience is myself I will almost always choose that path.
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My instinct to be direct conflicts with my preference not to hurt anyone’s feelings.
This is all for fun pretendy times but the things folks say to one another on the internet, even over the silly medium of a silly game, can follow people out into the real world, and I don’t mind giving someone a shot, or simply keeping my mouth shut, to err on the side of not giving someone a reason to beat themselves up over what is most likely extremely inconsequential. This hobby attracts sensitive, neurodivergent, anxious, depressed people, and truly I would much rather give someone the time of day than contribute to any feelings of worthlessness on the part of anyone – even a nerd acting out on a video game.
Wanting or not wanting to play a game with someone is inconsequential, no matter how well thought-out the dissertation of reasons is. It doesn’t matter.
Will a direct conversation make this person a better RPer for me, for others? Will it clear up an outstanding issue? Are they actually crossing boundaries and making me uncomfortable? Are they harmless, just a little awkward, could probably use a break?
I don’t have a uniform answer to these survey questions because I don’t think there’s a uniform way they present themselves.
But generally, as in the real world, I find that the right answer is usually to shut up and be nice.
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I’m pretty allergic to OOC so the scenario of me personally not liking someone would come down to not enjoying their style of play. I chose “play with them anyway” because I’m gonna put IC first. I’ve played plenty with people whose style wasn’t my favorite. I’m not gonna let that get in the way of what I’m enjoying, be it a particular plot or group or whatever.
As for someone who doesn’t like me? Just avoid me if I bother you I guess and keep your opinion to yourself.
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@KarmaBum said in POLL: How do you avoid / want to be avoided:
@Roz duuuuuude need option to vote “RP with them anyway and just hope I’m being so boring & difficult they never ask me to RP again.”
another reason to be constantly paranoid and self-conscious that no one likes your RP but no one is ever going to tell you that your RP isn’t interesting
Yay, new topic for my therapist next Monday.
I don't know what I'm doing. Poke at Seven Nations sevennations.aresmush.com port 2021
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I am CRUSHED by even the slightest sense someone doesn’t like me at first (I grow a thicker skin over time and usually rationalize why it is okay) so having someone bluntly tell me they want me to not intact sucks.
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I’d rather people just be direct, but I know that’s difficult. I’ve only ever had one person come out and tell me they didn’t want any interaction with me and I said okay and made an effort not to encroach on their space if we happened to be in the same scene.
Then they sought me out for a bunch of things and I walked on eggshells the whole time trying to make sure I didn’t offend them and helped them out as much as I could at every opportunity and it was so stressful because I was like IS THIS OKAY? but obviously I didn’t feel like I could or should ever page them to be like ???
Much like @IoleRae if I don’t like someone I won’t actively avoid them, I just won’t seek them out. If they come into a scene I’m in, whatever, it’s fine. Unless they get weirdly stalkery about it. Even then when that happens I’m going to be the one that just…stops RPing.
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@DrQuinn Yes please. As someone who has a hard time when he isn’t told the ‘why’ of a thing(and yes, I’m not always allowed a why and that is hard to remember for me. I’m working on it), just tell me.
Blunt, not blunt. If you don’t to RP with because we don’t jive or because my RP just plain sucks, tell me. That way you’re not being bothered by my asking. And I won’t waste your time.
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@Testament lol there’s no winning
It’s really a little more like what @IoleRae was saying - I’ll usually RP with people even if I’m kinda meh. The reasons vary wildly from “hoping maybe they’ll improve with practice” to “they’re generally nice OOC and here to have fun.” There are people I like but with whom I have shit chemistry, but I’ll usually give it a go if we’re both still willing to try!
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@DrQuinn said in POLL: How do you avoid / want to be avoided:
I’ve only ever had one person come out and tell me they didn’t want any interaction with me and I said okay and made an effort not to encroach on their space if we happened to be in the same scene.
Then they sought me out for a bunch of things and I walked on eggshells the whole time trying to make sure I didn’t offend them and helped them out as much as I could at every opportunity and it was so stressful because I was like IS THIS OKAY? but obviously I didn’t feel like I could or should ever page them to be like ???
That’s so – wtf. I had someone once who made it clear they did not want interaction from me – and that was mutual, so absolutely no skin off my nose – but then later something of theirs was getting handed off to me and I was like, “Sorry we don’t interact,” and the third party (a lovely person, not involved in the conflict in anyway) said “Oh they said it was okay.” And I was kind of like, SHRUGHANDS I still don’t wanna touch their stuff whether or not they’ve suddenly decided they’re okay with interacting with me.
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I think in my answers I was more thinking of someone who actively asks/persues RP with you specifically.
I honestly would not ever consider that someone whose RP style is not something I enjoy or even someone who has been oocly rude or snarky towards me should have to leave a public scene or not be invited to the same things I am. That’s just not reasonable, IMO. I would never ask a third party to choose between inviting me or them, to me that’s not fair.
I’m capable of going if I want and being polite and interactive.
If a person that I don’t feel comfortable with asks me to a 1 on 1 thing, I’ll decline directly. If they ask repetatively, I will let them know that I’m not interested in a 1 on 1 so that they’ll stop asking.
But I don’t usually have a problem with people who dislike me asking for those things. And generally the reasons why I’m uncomfortable with someone isn’t due to RP style or IC interactions, but the way that they’ve treated me or others in a scene. Does that mean that I sometimes have to eat a lot of discomfort when someone I like is going through a phase where if I want to RP with them at all, chances are they’ll have this other person who i’m uncomfortable with there too? Yeah. But it is my choice. I can ask for specific 1 on 1 play. But it’s on me to deal with the problem, not a third party. Does it mean that sometimes i need to dip out of a playgroup? Sometimes but honestly not terribly often (because there aren’t that many people out there that make me so uncomfortable that I want to pull up all stops and run away) and most of the time I don’t think other people can tell, which is good. I’ve been put in the middle plenty of times, and I try my best to not do that, because then it means it’s all stress all the time.
But if there is someone who has crossed a line of no return as far as me ever wanting to give RPing with them a shot again without buffers, if they ask more than once I do tell them. I can count on one hand the number of people I’ve felt I needed to do that with though, out of 20+ years of mushing. And out of those it’s only really 2 that I think are people that I would full stop never want to ever give another chance ever. And those two tend to have a habit of getting thesmselves univited from any place after awhile anyway.
I think this is why I am glad for my spotty memory of alts at other games. When I’m at a new place I try to start fresh. People DO change over the years, and i’ve found chemistry and behavior can be really different even mush to mush sometimes. Aside from those 2, I try to keep game problems/talk to the hand stuff just to that particular game. Unless they’ve done something comparable to my 2 red zone nuh uh no way never again people, i’m fine with giving it another shot and probably don’t even know it’s them.
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Unless you are one of my two red zone people, I would say 90 percent of the time, I will like you. I can usually find something that I like about any person. (now that I think about it, I can come up with many things for my red zoners too). I was a lot more of a RP snob when I was younger. (Also, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being a RP snob. We all have a set amount of time and energy we have to give to scening so honestly, if something super annoys you why subject yourself to that thing if it’s going to ruin the day!) I could not stand typos/grammatical errors or posing styles that differed too much from mine. I wasn’t a bad person for that.
However now I find myself a lot more relaxed about that stuff. Maybe it’s because of my own life changes that have made words more difficult to reach/ideas expressed, slower processing, ect. But it is also the case that I have met a lot of genuinely sweet and fun people who were polar opposites when it came to how I write who after awhile I did not even notice because of how lovely and giving they were in a scene and in the social aspect as well, and it encouraged me to have a more open mind about it. And I’ve also gotten better at if a scene just is NOT working, to just finding a way to leave it. That was so hard for me even like 6 years ago. So I think the combination of being willing to parachute out has given me more space to give a chance for things that at the beginning I am like “well, shit, am i going to want to gnaw my own leg off to escape the trap in an hour?!” because i am better about excuing myself. If that makes sense. And on a different day/mood it could be totally different.
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Yeah, my threshold for ‘dislike’ is honestly pretty high, probably higher than people I don’t interact with a ton assume. I also take the attitude toward public RP where, if I’m unwilling to interact with my least favorite but not complaint-worthy player, I probably need to not put out an open call for RP or go out in public that night. That’s what it means to me. You get what you get! Sometimes it’s not what you want! But sometimes it’s also surprisingly fun, and you takes your chances.
The only person I’m going out of my way to avoid at the moment is someone I consider an OOC manipulator and that’s a whole different thing. There’s lots of low-key behavior I don’t like but that doesn’t rise to the level of creeper that I just…would rather not be a part of my little world. Those people are rare and not really what the thread’s about, though.
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I generally go into situations determined to dislike everyone so that if they dislike me then I can take the small victory of having gotten there first. As a result I rarely find myself in a position of wanting to avoid people. Like, wanting to avoid them for behavioral reasons, at least. The few times it has come up I’ve fallen squarely into avoid as long as possible, because it feels like on a MUSH there is always this grim readiness for spectacular drama, and the most polite version of “Can we do this some other way? I’d rather not RP with you” can spiral out of control. Of course avoidance and delaying eventually fail, but you can always hope that the MUSH closes or the universe succumbs to entropy before you have to deal with it.
The best way to find someone is avoiding you is to hear it from a friend who is more your friend then their friend, so they will make fun of them with you.
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Sometimes, when you dont fuck with somebody, it can feel like they take up a lottttt of space. When a game is small, that can be a challenge, at least for me personally. I’ve definitely passed on games for that reason. I’ve also said fuck it, hit page/block discord/block, and put up my feet.
I can’t imagine someone trying to rp after instituting a no contact. That’s… manipulative as hell.
