Bannings
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Look, people can talk about how toxic and broken the community is and don’t get me wrong here - there are definitely people that are bad actors, there are behaviors that are problematic, there are persistent attitudes that I wish would just fuck off and die already.
But… I have had people in the community help me out during a pet emergency. I’ve sent groceries and home furnishings to people in the community. I’ve had people help my husband get a job. I’ve reviewed and rewritten other people’s resumes. A handful of MUers I know are literally the only people who try to use my pronouns correctly and respect my identity, including literally all of my family and almost all of my friends and definitely every single person I work with.
There is just as much, if not far more, good than there is bad – just like in most every community. And yes, you should point out the bad. You should try to fix it. You should make a space safer and more welcoming.
But if the only thing you seem to see is the bad, if all you can focus on is the bad, if all you can talk about is the bad…
I dunno, boo. Maybe the problem is just that you need something to constantly rail against so you can make yourself feel superior?
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But if the only thing you seem to see is the bad, of all you can focus on is the bad, if all you can talk about is the bad…
This was me for a long time. Less about feeling superior but more consistent fixation on it coupled with an undiagnosed clinical depression at the time.
While I’m still a pessimist, it’s at least been tempered with reminders that there are reasons to not expect constant disappointment.
And it took them a long good while, but @Aria did play a large role in shaking me free of that particular mindset. So they’re absolutely right, there is more good than bad. I just have to be reminded of it.
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@Testament said in Bannings:
And it took them a long good while, but @Aria did play a large role in shaking me free of that particular mindset. So they’re absolutely right, there is more good than bad. I just have to be reminded of it.
I am terrible at human emotions. Vulnerability is gross and also possibly contagious and that is profoundly concerning because feelings are those unfortunate things that happen to other people.
I am, however, happy to yell at people to stop being miserable and sad. Or physically force them into something productive as a distraction. You would be surprised how often this actually works.
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@Aria If you’re comfortable sharing in public, what are your pronouns so I can make sure I’m using the right ones?
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I prefer they/them. She/her is also fine. Like, I won’t be mad about it or offended if someone uses that, especially given how complicated my own feelings about gender are and the fact that my body-type adds a lived experience I will always have thrust on me barring major surgery I don’t want, but I do get the warm fuzzies when folks at least try.
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@Aria Thank you for sharing! I think a lot of us are more than willing to try
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Even if I want to yell at someone about how they’re being a total shitty asshole, I want to yell at them with the right pronouns.
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Even if I want to yell at someone about how they’re being a total shitty asshole, I want to yell at them with the right pronouns.
I laughed way harder at this than I should have.
See, everyone? @Roz has it.
“They’re being a totally shitty asshole.”
“I want to yell at them.”
“Ugh, Aria. They’re the fucking wooooorst.” -
There isn’t some sort of nodebb plugin that’d let people add pronouns somewhere handy, is there? Maybe to the little hover tooltip over avatars, or at least an entry in the profile form? Could be nice.
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There isn’t some sort of nodebb plugin that’d let people add pronouns somewhere handy, is there? Maybe to the little hover tooltip over avatars, or at least an entry in the profile form? Could be nice.
You can put it in your signature. (Because no, there isn’t any that I can find. There were a few, and they haven’t been updated in eons.)
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@Pavel Gotta add to mine, and everyone should also maybe link to the top of their ‘where to find me/join in my crimes against MUSHdom’ thread, if they have one.
Or don’t I’m not your mom. At least, not yet.
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@GF Yes. That’s pretty much it. Though being plus-sized, which also comes with BREASTS*, I’m also keenly aware that I will never quite be able to figure out if I’m not entirely comfortable identifying as female because I’m not female or because I’m just bad at performing it “properly”.
Regardless of the changes I make to my appearance, people will continue to perceive me as distinctly female, just either with the additional labels of “butch”, “dyke”, “unprofessional”, “lazy”, or “physically ill today”, all of which I’ve received at varying times when having short hair, wearing men’s clothes, or not wearing makeup.
I don’t know the answer to my own question, and won’t ever be able to find out, because I’m also not the right size or shape to do “ambiguously queer” properly, either.
*Watch the video. It’s hilarious.
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