MU Peeves Thread

tsar

I’ve more or less trained myself to not look at the thing that shows you how soon “activity” has happened in someone else’s scenes on Ares. It’s just not a good match for how my brain works, lol.

Snackness

@tsar Teach me you ways

tsar

@Snackness i dig deep down into my most avoidant behaviors and encourage them to work for me for once

KarmaBum

@tsar dis is also smart.

Your own scenes are always at the top of the page. Just check yours and close it real fast!

But then you will miss tilting your head and wondering wtf people are really doing in a scene from 2 months ago, and why haven’t they just wrapped that shit yet, smh that’s from before CHRISTMAS wtf

Wizz

@KarmaBum said in MU Peeves Thread:

But then you will miss tilting your head and wondering wtf people are really doing in a scene from 2 months ago, and why haven’t they just wrapped that shit yet, smh that’s from before CHRISTMAS wtf

Reminds me of my golden days back on PbP message boards.

A scene that’s only taken two months to finish? Pffff, rookie numbers, lol.

GF

I need advice.

How do you talk to someone who’s constantly putting themself down? Someone who pages you to talk, then apologizes for bothering you by paging you if you don’t respond within thirty seconds because “I guess you’re busy, sorry to interrupt” among other self-pitying messages? It’s sending all kinds of red flags to me, like they’re trying to warn me they will be using my emotional labor as a substitute for developing self-esteem. The compassionate part of me wants to say something that I hope will help, but the intuitive part of me says they will instantly internalize any criticism as proof that they’re human garbage.

Maybe I just need to remember what my mom always said: if a person doesn’t ask you what you think of them, then keep your mouth shut because they don’t want to hear it.

Pax

@GF I don’t have any advice. This is above my paygrade. I’m not a therapist or even an expert at human-ing. But when I have been in similar situations as the one you’re describing, I find myself pulling away, because when I did not do that, when I allowed myself to become a support for that person who was showing me those red flags, they become very clingy and expectant of my time and my emotional labor, and that was not a sustainable balance for me. I wish you the best, it’s a tough situation.

Ashkuri

@GF I always tell people to say thank you instead of sorry, with me. They can say thank you for listening, but not sorry I bothered you.

However

You are not their therapist and you are not obligated to address what is obviously a pattern of receiving validation by pressing the “I suck” button.

Pavel

@GF said in MU Peeves Thread:

“I guess you’re busy, sorry to interrupt”

That’s a manipulation tactic. It could be a true expression of their self-loathing or low self-esteem, but it’s also a common tactic used to play at gaining sympathetic attention.

Even if it’s all true, and they’re truly that far gone, it’s not your problem to solve. It’s theirs (with professional help as needed), so don’t put yourself into a position of feeling that you have to help them.

bear_necessities

@GF gonna just say that there’s countless pages here about people having brain weasels, feeling like they are bothering people, or are nervous/anxious to reach out. I get really anxious building connections with new people for example, because I don’t know how they prefer OOC communication. Do I ask them to RP? Am I asking too many times? Do I look too excited/too eager? Etc., etc. I do tend to keep that to myself, though I have apologized in the past for ‘bugging’ because it’s my way of trying to get a feel for that person and make sure I’m not stepping on any invisible boundaries that they don’t feel comfortable setting.

But I have been on the opposite side of the apology page too, and it can seem very off-putting. That all being said, you’re not my therapist or this person’s therapist - we all deal with our anxiety in different ways. If I were in your shoes, I’d say ‘hey you’re not interrupting me but there are a lot of times when I’m not at my computer/ipad/whatever and it takes me awhile to respond’. That way you are setting the expectation that you are not going to respond within 30 seconds, and you are setting a boundary. If that person continues to do the ‘page after 30 seconds’ thing after you’ve done that? Then I agree it’s a red flag and I would probably avoid that person going forward.

GF

@bear_necessities said in MU Peeves Thread:

@GF gonna just say that there’s countless pages here about people having brain weasels, feeling like they are bothering people, or are nervous/anxious to reach out.

This is where I am with it. The only difference between me and that guy is I just think “I must be bothering them” instead of saying it aloud, because saying it aloud is manipulative whether intentional or unintentional. I don’t get the sense of bad faith from this person, or feel a need to accept a long-term responsibility to socialize them, but I do want to find a way to explain how off-putting that behavior is so maybe they can work on it or, if not work on it, at least leave me out of it.

Pavel

@GF Well in terms of explanation, I find it easiest to put yourself in his shoes: Figure how would you want someone to broach the subject, and then do that.

bear_necessities

@GF I get it, I really do, and I hope it is unintentional. I think we’d all be better off if people just said how they feel about stuff. “I wasn’t at my computer but to be honest with you, pages like this make me uncomfortable. I still want to talk to you, but there will be times when I can’t immediately respond so I’d appreciate it if you gave me some grace instead of thinking you are bothering me.” That person may very much decide never to page you again but at least you’ve drawn your line in the sand.

Nynrose

@GF Having been on the receiving end of this behavior multiple times, I think it’s very important to draw your line in the sand from the beginning. Trust your gut about your red flags and decide where you want that line to be and be honest. That’s the best thing you can do, for both yourself and this other person. It’s good to set boundaries and let other people know them, especially if you only have so many spoons in a day to spend on things.

Coin

Losing players and not knowing why. Like, it’d be nice to just know if it’s personal, if the game isn’t jiving, if if if if if…

Also, the MU player trauma that makes them not talk to staff. Holy shit. It is really hard to convince people you want to help them out and aren’t annoyed or mad that they misunderstood or misinterpreted a scene set or something like that. Players will 100% delete a 500-word pose to write a “standing in the background” pose just to not incur some imaginary wrath.

Some people have been treated like shit and it shows, fuck.

Cobalt

Banning all talk of RL violence on a public channel is an inappropriate kneejerk reaction, right? Right.

Fuming

Pavel

@Cobalt eeeeeh

GF

@Cobalt I guess it depends on the context. Without knowing anything about the situation, I’m guessing someone was talking about an incident that made the news which affects them personally and was forbidden from doing so because talking about things that affect you violates a prohibition against politics?

Cobalt

@GF said in MU Peeves Thread:

@Cobalt I guess it depends on the context. Without knowing anything about the situation, I’m guessing someone was talking about an incident that made the news which affects them personally and was forbidden from doing so because talking about things that affect you violates a prohibition against politics?

No, actually. Testosterone leaden non sequiturs.

Jumpscare

@Coin said in MU Peeves Thread:

Losing players and not knowing why.

This time of year is a common time to lose players. It’s getting warmer outside. Between now and April is when people remember the joy of touching grass and ditch some of their internet interests.