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    MU Peeves Thread

    Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved Rough and Rowdy
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    • PavelP
      Pavel @GF
      last edited by

      @GF said in MU Peeves Thread:

      “I guess you’re busy, sorry to interrupt”

      That’s a manipulation tactic. It could be a true expression of their self-loathing or low self-esteem, but it’s also a common tactic used to play at gaining sympathetic attention.

      Even if it’s all true, and they’re truly that far gone, it’s not your problem to solve. It’s theirs (with professional help as needed), so don’t put yourself into a position of feeling that you have to help them.

      He/Him. Opinions and views are solely my own unless specifically stated otherwise.
      BE AN ADULT

      1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 9
      • bear_necessitiesB
        bear_necessities @GF
        last edited by

        @GF gonna just say that there’s countless pages here about people having brain weasels, feeling like they are bothering people, or are nervous/anxious to reach out. I get really anxious building connections with new people for example, because I don’t know how they prefer OOC communication. Do I ask them to RP? Am I asking too many times? Do I look too excited/too eager? Etc., etc. I do tend to keep that to myself, though I have apologized in the past for ‘bugging’ because it’s my way of trying to get a feel for that person and make sure I’m not stepping on any invisible boundaries that they don’t feel comfortable setting.

        But I have been on the opposite side of the apology page too, and it can seem very off-putting. That all being said, you’re not my therapist or this person’s therapist - we all deal with our anxiety in different ways. If I were in your shoes, I’d say ‘hey you’re not interrupting me but there are a lot of times when I’m not at my computer/ipad/whatever and it takes me awhile to respond’. That way you are setting the expectation that you are not going to respond within 30 seconds, and you are setting a boundary. If that person continues to do the ‘page after 30 seconds’ thing after you’ve done that? Then I agree it’s a red flag and I would probably avoid that person going forward.

        G 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 6
        • G
          GF @bear_necessities
          last edited by

          @bear_necessities said in MU Peeves Thread:

          @GF gonna just say that there’s countless pages here about people having brain weasels, feeling like they are bothering people, or are nervous/anxious to reach out.

          This is where I am with it. The only difference between me and that guy is I just think “I must be bothering them” instead of saying it aloud, because saying it aloud is manipulative whether intentional or unintentional. I don’t get the sense of bad faith from this person, or feel a need to accept a long-term responsibility to socialize them, but I do want to find a way to explain how off-putting that behavior is so maybe they can work on it or, if not work on it, at least leave me out of it.

          PavelP bear_necessitiesB 2 Replies Last reply Reply Quote 5
          • PavelP
            Pavel @GF
            last edited by

            @GF Well in terms of explanation, I find it easiest to put yourself in his shoes: Figure how would you want someone to broach the subject, and then do that.

            He/Him. Opinions and views are solely my own unless specifically stated otherwise.
            BE AN ADULT

            1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
            • bear_necessitiesB
              bear_necessities @GF
              last edited by

              @GF I get it, I really do, and I hope it is unintentional. I think we’d all be better off if people just said how they feel about stuff. “I wasn’t at my computer but to be honest with you, pages like this make me uncomfortable. I still want to talk to you, but there will be times when I can’t immediately respond so I’d appreciate it if you gave me some grace instead of thinking you are bothering me.” That person may very much decide never to page you again but at least you’ve drawn your line in the sand.

              N 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 5
              • N
                Nynrose @bear_necessities
                last edited by

                @GF Having been on the receiving end of this behavior multiple times, I think it’s very important to draw your line in the sand from the beginning. Trust your gut about your red flags and decide where you want that line to be and be honest. That’s the best thing you can do, for both yourself and this other person. It’s good to set boundaries and let other people know them, especially if you only have so many spoons in a day to spend on things.

                1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 7
                • CoinC
                  Coin
                  last edited by

                  Losing players and not knowing why. Like, it’d be nice to just know if it’s personal, if the game isn’t jiving, if if if if if…

                  Also, the MU player trauma that makes them not talk to staff. Holy shit. It is really hard to convince people you want to help them out and aren’t annoyed or mad that they misunderstood or misinterpreted a scene set or something like that. Players will 100% delete a 500-word pose to write a “standing in the background” pose just to not incur some imaginary wrath.

                  Some people have been treated like shit and it shows, fuck.

                  In Occam I trust.

                  JumpscareJ SpaceKhomeiniS GashlycrumbG 3 Replies Last reply Reply Quote 17
                  • CobaltC
                    Cobalt
                    last edited by

                    Banning all talk of RL violence on a public channel is an inappropriate kneejerk reaction, right? Right.

                    Fuming

                    Cobalt@Under the Stars
                    cob.alt@Discord
                    Cobalt#[email protected]

                    PavelP G 2 Replies Last reply Reply Quote 0
                    • PavelP
                      Pavel @Cobalt
                      last edited by

                      @Cobalt eeeeeh

                      He/Him. Opinions and views are solely my own unless specifically stated otherwise.
                      BE AN ADULT

                      1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 1
                      • G
                        GF @Cobalt
                        last edited by

                        @Cobalt I guess it depends on the context. Without knowing anything about the situation, I’m guessing someone was talking about an incident that made the news which affects them personally and was forbidden from doing so because talking about things that affect you violates a prohibition against politics?

                        CobaltC 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                        • CobaltC
                          Cobalt @GF
                          last edited by

                          @GF said in MU Peeves Thread:

                          @Cobalt I guess it depends on the context. Without knowing anything about the situation, I’m guessing someone was talking about an incident that made the news which affects them personally and was forbidden from doing so because talking about things that affect you violates a prohibition against politics?

                          No, actually. Testosterone leaden non sequiturs.

                          Cobalt@Under the Stars
                          cob.alt@Discord
                          Cobalt#[email protected]

                          B 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                          • JumpscareJ
                            Jumpscare @Coin
                            last edited by

                            @Coin said in MU Peeves Thread:

                            Losing players and not knowing why.

                            This time of year is a common time to lose players. It’s getting warmer outside. Between now and April is when people remember the joy of touching grass and ditch some of their internet interests.

                            Game-runner of Silent Heaven, a small-town horror MU.
                            https://silentheaven.org

                            CoinC 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 1
                            • B
                              Bessarion @Cobalt
                              last edited by Bessarion

                              @Cobalt I hate it when grunt grunt sweat dudes swing their dicks around.

                              I am/was tek. If this means something to you, do as you see fit with this knowledge.

                              PavelP 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 4
                              • CoinC
                                Coin @Jumpscare
                                last edited by

                                @Jumpscare said in MU Peeves Thread:

                                @Coin said in MU Peeves Thread:

                                Losing players and not knowing why.

                                This time of year is a common time to lose players. It’s getting warmer outside. Between now and April is when people remember the joy of touching grass and ditch some of their internet interests.

                                Nah, I think it has more to do with their friends dragging them away to play elsewhere.

                                In Occam I trust.

                                P KarmaBumK 2 Replies Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                • P
                                  Pyrephox Administrators @Coin
                                  last edited by

                                  @Coin said in MU Peeves Thread:

                                  @Jumpscare said in MU Peeves Thread:

                                  @Coin said in MU Peeves Thread:

                                  Losing players and not knowing why.

                                  This time of year is a common time to lose players. It’s getting warmer outside. Between now and April is when people remember the joy of touching grass and ditch some of their internet interests.

                                  Nah, I think it has more to do with their friends dragging them away to play elsewhere.

                                  A lot of high-hype video games are coming out around this time of year, which also might play into it.

                                  1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                  • PavelP
                                    Pavel @Bessarion
                                    last edited by

                                    @Bessarion said in MU Peeves Thread:

                                    @Cobalt I hate it when grunt grunt sweat dudes swing their dicks around.

                                    Speak for yourself, honey.

                                    He/Him. Opinions and views are solely my own unless specifically stated otherwise.
                                    BE AN ADULT

                                    1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 5
                                    • KarmaBumK
                                      KarmaBum @Coin
                                      last edited by

                                      @Coin A few new games have come along in the past month or two that are pulling in people. A lotta people who were just kinda “still logging in” to old stomping grounds may be enjoying the new variety.

                                      On Dragon Wings · https://pern.gaslightswitch.com · pern.gaslightswitch.com port 4201

                                      1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 4
                                      • SpaceKhomeiniS
                                        SpaceKhomeini @Coin
                                        last edited by

                                        @Coin said in MU Peeves Thread:

                                        Losing players and not knowing why. Like, it’d be nice to just know if it’s personal, if the game isn’t jiving, if if if if if…

                                        Also, the MU player trauma that makes them not talk to staff. Holy shit. It is really hard to convince people you want to help them out and aren’t annoyed or mad that they misunderstood or misinterpreted a scene set or something like that. Players will 100% delete a 500-word pose to write a “standing in the background” pose just to not incur some imaginary wrath.

                                        Some people have been treated like shit and it shows, fuck.

                                        I feel like I may in fact be one of those people, at times.

                                        I can also point to a handful of experiences in the past that trained me this way but again I think it all just goes back to “If I don’t know you I don’t really want to fuck with you.”

                                        I woke up feeling so good, I think I’d better call in sick/ I need a personal trainer to help me hold my drink
                                        I plan to be spontaneous next time we meet/I’m putting off procrastinating until next week
                                        I’ll get onto it when I give a shit

                                        AriaA 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 6
                                        • ArtemisA
                                          Artemis
                                          last edited by

                                          It’s annoying when I’ve just quit my longest standing MU and want to join and be involved with others, but the investment is difficult to build up and my mental state derails me half the time. There are so many new and awesome games out right now, that I want to support, while I’m simultaneously trying to work on my own and torn as to where to focus my attention, so I end up getting way less done than I’d like. Just kind of feeling like a flake rn.

                                          PavelP 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 15
                                          • PavelP
                                            Pavel @Artemis
                                            last edited by

                                            @Artemis said in MU Peeves Thread:

                                            Just kind of feeling like a flake rn.

                                            My pal, that’s all of us most of the time. You’re absolutely not alone, and anyone who chides you for it is both an imbecile and a hypocrit.

                                            He/Him. Opinions and views are solely my own unless specifically stated otherwise.
                                            BE AN ADULT

                                            ArtemisA 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 7
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