Don’t forget we moved!
https://brandmu.day/
Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent
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incompetence AND indifference, and that’s just not acceptable when your health is on the line.
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Life feels /really/, /really/ unfair sometimes. The month of May has been just-- exhausting. We had to put our 3 year old puppy down, and then a week and a half later, I lost my friend who was so young.
Last week, my best friend’s dad passed away, two years into his retirement. He’s my second dad; he referred to me as his second daughter and probably cared about me way more than my real dad ever did.
He was a bit of a collector. We have just been cleaning and organizing since then, as well as dealing with funeral arrangements and trying to figure out probate and everything. The only highlight in all of this is the cool shit we found that he saved, so I’ll share that with you guys:
A lambda 8300 personal computer
A Timex-Sinclair 1000 personal computer
Every issue since Apr 1977 (the first) of Heavy Metal magazine (which is a misleading title but super cool)
The full box sets of 5 inch floppies of (with boxes and all the manuals and everything):
Worlds of Ultima: The Savage Empire
Ultima Worlds of Adventure: Martian Dreams
A huge box of weed seeds that he must have been saving from every bag he bought, for his daughter to bake withThis isn’t half of it, but they are some cool things of a lot of cool things he had. I am just so super sad and heart sore that he didn’t get to enjoy his hobbies longer. You work so long to retire to enjoy your life and it just-- Idk, I hurt right now.
Take care, guys. I’ll be back when I’m back!
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@Testament All I can say is that grief is the ugly bastard that keeps on giving. Just remember to be gentle with yourself as it happens and the only way is through. Take it one second, one moment, one minute, one hour, one day, one week, one month, one year at a time. The pain slowly fades over time, but it never quite goes away. It also catches up with you at the least inopportune or unexpected moments. There’s no limit to grief and do not let anyone try to tell you to just ‘get over it’. It’s not that simple and people who haven’t experienced deep grief don’t understand. And, even though they stay there are stages to grief, and there might be, the truth is that it’s all a bit scribbled mess that goes all over the place. You are learning to find your footing to be the new you without this person in your life, in whatever capacity, because you’ll never be the old you before their passing again.
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Upvote because I can’t RL hug.
I’m sorry hon. If you need anything, even if you want to just rant senseless in a private message. Feel free.
I’ll send good vibes your way.
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Say your neighbor has a smoke detector whose batteries need replacing and you can hear it chirping through your walls. Say it’s been chirping through your walls for a week. Is it okay to knock and ask them to please replace the battery?
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@GF said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:
Say your neighbor has a smoke detector whose batteries need replacing and you can hear it chirping through your walls. Say it’s been chirping through your walls for a week. Is it okay to knock and ask them to please replace the battery?
I’d probably contact maintenance or management to explain the situation, but I’m terrified of knocking on doors, and our maintenance guy is nice.
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@GF If it’s after a certain time at night, it might qualify as a noise complaint. So I don’t see any problem in asking first.
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@GF If you want to be nice about it in a way they probably won’t take offense at…
“Hi. I’ve been hearing your smoke detector chirping the last few days and thought you might need a battery…” hold up battery
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Giving a small update on things. I wrote my first plot synopsis for Seven Nations in a while, as well as threads for two different plots. It’s nice to be able to write without feeling like I’m taxing myself. Looking back now at the last month, I see a lot of points where I could’ve been better, but with the realization that I knew when to ask for help when I did. I think it’s good to continue to take accountability for things I’ve said, but not be prisoned by them.
The guilt and memory remain, and I still believe it will for a long time. But I think it’s more…manageable? I can’t think of a better word for it. Where the coping with loss becomes something you’re used to. I don’t believe that’s something anyone should have to acclimatize to, but. It does.
Still, things are getting better. And thanks to those who reached out to me. I appreciate the support.
I don't know what I'm doing. Poke at Seven Nations sevennations.aresmush.com port 2021
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my favorite thing for grief has been the wave analogy/story/cultural meme.
https://thelossfoundation.org/grief-comes-in-waves/
I’ve found it incredibly accurate for what I’ve been dealing with and helpful for understanding what’s going on with me.
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I have determined for SURE that I have a particular trigger (it’s sound based) for trauma, and it’s actually really really scary, because I have no idea why that sound triggers me. No memory of badness, can’t associate it with anywhere in my history, nothing. I have gone through the places I lived with a mental fine tooth comb, and nothing. Absolutely nothing. But hearing it kicks me to processing with the survival part of my brain EVERY time. Every time.
It’s really scary cos I can’t tell why. I know I lot a lost of memory, but this is the first time the holes have shown up like this.
the entity previously known as Sunny
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I’ve been really happy the last week or so, but it’s the happiness that comes with…idk, failing? Starting to feel like the biggest dumb in the universe. Whatever, I’m happy and I’ll squeeze the enjoyment I can until it is over, then I’ll find a way. I always do.
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@IoleRae Thanks to the absolute bonkers bullshit that goes on in our brain (as we psychology students say), especially when retaining and training memories… there’s very likely no sensible reason for a particular sound, or music, or whatever it is to be linked to traumatic memory, or something your brain finds as a traumatic prompter. It may be linked to something you just can’t remember, but it’s also possible that it’s just a random link that your traumatised brain has “decided” to make in the absence of actual memory.
It’s fuckin’ bizarre, right?
He/Him. Opinions and views are solely my own unless specifically stated otherwise.
BE AN ADULT -
Yes. Yes, it is. Brains are terrible.
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My husband died three years ago. This weekend I attended my nephew’s wedding; the first wedding since my husband died. I had been looking forward to it all month long because these last two years has been nothing but funeral after funeral as family members and friends passed; I’ve lost count how many.
I got through ceremony just fine. It was short, sweet, and only 15 minutes long. This mostly had to do with the fact that the church they had it in had no air conditioning so the priest decided to get to the point early on.
I made it to the reception. I was doing ok. All was good. Then they started announcing the arrivals. I lost it, right there. It was the silent hide my face cry because I didn’t want 60 strangers staring at me. Somehow I managed to wipe all the tears off without running to the restroom, get through the first dances, and eat. But the longer I stayed the more I needed to just leave.
So about 45 minutes into the reception, I fled. I left a family member rather confused at my departure, who texted me to find out what was going on when I fled. I had to tell her that I needed to leave because I really didn’t want to ugly cry in front of 60 strangers, nor did I want to bring the reception down because I was ugly crying in front of 60 strangers. The event needed to be about the bride and groom; not my grief over how the wedding was set up very much like mine was when I got married.
I got home and threw myself into setting up the soaker hose for my garden, which I’d failed to untangle and get together that morning. It’s not pretty, and I’m sure I could have done better, but now I have a timed water management system that seems to be working.
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Thinking good thoughts your way. Congratulations on the soaker hose, I bet that’s going to help with gardening a lot.
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@IoleRae said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:
Thinking good thoughts your way. Congratulations on the soaker hose, I bet that’s going to help with gardening a lot.
Once I figure out the best timer setting for watering, it definitely will. I’m still testing that all out.
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@Nynrose I like to hope anyone would be understanding of your grief in that moment, and impressed at the strength it took to last as long as it did.
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I used to be in day to day survival mode. Now it feels like it’s hour to hour. It is a very strange place to be. Presumably things will be better after next Tuesday. But there’s a lot of hours between now and then.
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@mietze sometimes we have to do minute by minute and breath by breath. Just remember you have people to reach out for if you need it.
I don’t know if we’ve interacted (I’m bad with alts, etc), but I’m here in my cool little private chat if you need. I’m busy, but I’ll try to check in at least once a day.
