@KarmaBum Happy Pride Month! ️🧡

Not new to MUSH, but new to this site. So figured I’d start with a positive!

When you think you’re just logging onto a new game because it sounds fun and then over a year later you feel like you’ve always been there. The fact you’ve found friends who, even though you’ve never met face to face, help you feel better on your down days and celebrate with you on your high days. When you check on each other because you both know the other values you as a person/friend before a character/scene.

Glad to be here. Hope to meet new friends and continue interacting with current ones! waves

I want to say first how encouraging it is to see everyone come together and collectively speak out against such disgusting behavior, show support for the person faced with the final staff decision and all around prove the mush community is filled with more good than bad.
Second, I hope you’re all able to self care, hydrate and step back from the keyboard as needed to focus on your own emotional well being.

This topic is one that affects most, let’s be honest likely all, of us to some capacity. Whether experiencing it directly or knowing someone who has experienced it. Sexual harassment/assault is a terrifying experience whether on a game or in person and understandably has various lasting effects.

I’m sorry first of all to @Cobalt that you had to not only face the experience of addressing this situation but how it affected you directly. You handled everything more tactfully, professionally and swiftly than I’d have been able to. To all others on this board who are obviously invested in this topic and conversation, you have my support and my inbox if you need.

@Pavel Also for the reason ‘it’s funny’ made me full cringe. The awareness and still lack of accountability. I wish I could say it made me feel better to have my own experiences and views of the person validated, but it honestly makes me feel ill.

This is a vent and a happy, but I’m posting it here because I’m choosing to focus on the positive so follow me for my roller coaster ride.

I got laid off from my job today. (Booo!)

Tomorrow is my birthday! (Yay!)

My boss said it is no fault of my own, I’m amazing and it’s the company downsizing so she’s giving me severance and has provided a glowing recommendation letter. (Yay!)

My entire household is sick. (Boo!)

I already have three interviews set up after an afternoon of application submissions. (Yay!)

My mini panther is giving me early birthday cuddles! (YAAAAY!)

So yeah.

Real footage of me today:

An All Happy Update!

I’m now older (still waiting on that wiser part)!

The household is less sick.

I got a job offer today!

I still have mini panther cuddles.

As a side note, another real life happy is how much I’ve improved with handling my anxiety even in the last year. Before when I’ve lost my job I’ve fallen into overwhelming depression with self deprecating panic. This time I stayed calm, focused on what positive I still had and knew the situation would change it wasn’t an ‘if’ it was a ‘when’.

Idk if that’s the wiser part. Either way it feels pretty great.

@Wizz said in Tough Calls:

@somasatori said in Tough Calls:

ah yes, brain damage. what a laugh riot

I gotta be honest, that alone would probably be enough for me to tell someone to take a while to reflect and grow somewhere else before trying to play a game I ran again.

This. Media already tries to humorize or romanticize physical, mental, and other struggles enough. It’s triggering. I had someone pull off this ‘grand’ and ‘hilarious’ plot twist in a scene where their character was revealed to have a brain tumor so not only did that 1) Make all their actions ok it 2) Made my character and asshole for not instantly supporting them and me oocly an asshole for removing my char from the story and hook.

My husband was still dealing with his brain tumor at the time. Did the person know that? No. Should I have to tell them or explain how “brain tumors aren’t comedic content” for them to have common sense? No.

The past few months of my life have felt like years in both the most stressful and wonderful ways possible.  I’ve taken on challenges and responsibilities that, even as they were happening, I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to face.  All I knew is that quitting wasn’t an option.

During these months I’ve had to sacrifice significant time from MUSH and other online and RL interactions and, while it was difficult to start with, my journey helped me find a healthier balance and outlook towards life in general.  It’s amazing how the toughest times in our life can also be the best.  How what breaks us down also leaves us stronger than we ever thought we could be.

I’m happier now.  I realize that self care isn’t selfish.  Kindness doesn’t require tolerating mistreatment.  Simply put…life is too damn short to spend it making yourself miserable.

I know realistically I will always struggle with my confidence and worry about letting others down.  It’s just part of being a recovering people pleaser.  It sure does feel nice to finally be in a place where I can look in the mirror and genuinely love the person I’m looking at though.

TL;DR: Life is short.  Love yourself.  You’re worth it.

@hellfrog No she does more than trash talk people on Discord. She creates Discord groups with a Burn Book a la Mean Girls vibe. It starts out as a ‘Oh hey a nice chat group because we’re all on a game or all friends’ and turns into you awkwardly watching her shit on, slut shame and bitch about other people because they dare to not worship her.

Then when you don’t join in or dare to stick up for someone because they’re your friend too she lashes out until you leave the group and block her.

She has major Queen Bee energy. Even Regina George is more likeable.

Having a positive evening of staffing. In both knowing the answer to all the player questions that came up and being able to help a new player have their introduction scene and realizing it was a positive experience. I love being able to be part of other people’s journeys in the same hobby that has been such a significant part of my life.

I still have the classic ‘first scene’ paralysis with a new character. Or anxiety when participating in a large scene. Even though I’ve staffed several games I still also have imposter syndrome a lot of the times as I’m sure so many here can understand.

So having a night where I feel that confidence of “I am deserving of the staff title I’ve been trusted with” and joy of “This is why I love this game/hobby/staff team” is always fun.

ugh, I’m sorry you had to deal with this. This is an awful, unnecessary, and annoying thing. How on earth is a brain tumor funny in any sense?

Yeah this is why (aside from maybe a couple friends) I no longer trust anyone when they say “I have an awesome idea, but I want it to be a surprise.” Even if I don’t think the person would pull anything like that it just gives me anxiety.

I do think any struggle can be approached with a defiant humor, but that’s the decision of the people experiencing it. We named my husband’s tumor ‘Tina Tumor’ and when we found out it was gone we went out with our friends and my toast was a very bad Arnold impersonation.

@RightMeow THAT’S why I space out randomly! You’re using our shared brain. It all makes sense.

@RightMeow Yeah I wasn’t even personally offended by that aspect because I knew they didn’t know, but when I tried to distance myself and they reacted with aggression I went to ‘Nope’. I understand the over explaining and panic state exactly. I still struggle with boundaries, but thankfully I’m a lot better.

As for humor, I view it similarly to pranks or jokes. If the target or participant doesn’t find it funny? Stop. If the purpose is truly to cause levity then you (general you) will feel remorse when that isn’t the resulting effect. If the purpose is instead self entertainment and attention seeking, you defend instead of take accountability.

There have been plenty of times I’ve meant something in good nature or with positive motive and it turned out otherwise. I’ve apologized and remembered the scenario years later in my head while trying to sleep…not tried to guilt the other person.

@Wizz said in Tough Calls:

@somasatori said in Tough Calls:

ah yes, brain damage. what a laugh riot

I gotta be honest, that alone would probably be enough for me to tell someone to take a while to reflect and grow somewhere else before trying to play a game I ran again.

This. Media already tries to humorize or romanticize physical, mental, and other struggles enough. It’s triggering. I had someone pull off this ‘grand’ and ‘hilarious’ plot twist in a scene where their character was revealed to have a brain tumor so not only did that 1) Make all their actions ok it 2) Made my character and asshole for not instantly supporting them and me oocly an asshole for removing my char from the story and hook.

My husband was still dealing with his brain tumor at the time. Did the person know that? No. Should I have to tell them or explain how “brain tumors aren’t comedic content” for them to have common sense? No.

@Jumpscare Your patience. Holy Mother of Megazon. I applaud you.

Side note, it’s baffling the number of people who think ‘Understanding what I’m saying’ = ‘Agreeing with me/Me getting my way’.

@Gashlycrumb Also, chances are most of the people you (general not specific) have a problem with have a similar opinion of you so 1) Why would they care? 2) Why would they be surprised? People are allowed to avoid games because of Staff (whether your own issue or in support of someone else) so it seems hypocritical to not allow Staff the same option especially when they’re the one putting in the effort to run the game.

@Pavel said in Warma-Sheen:

My mother, eventually, came up with an ingenious solution to the problem: I would be punished for things that the imaginary friend did.

Suddenly, the imaginary friend disappeared.

@Gashlycrumb The best advice I got from someone for running my own game is “Your game is your living room you’re inviting people into. You keep the lights on and you don’t owe anyone an explanation for who you let in or not.”

@Cobalt

@Pavel Agreed. Self care and boundaries are important for game runners and staff too. In my experience this doesn’t get supported enough.