@KarmaBum Happy Pride Month! ️🧡

Not new to MUSH, but new to this site. So figured I’d start with a positive!

When you think you’re just logging onto a new game because it sounds fun and then over a year later you feel like you’ve always been there. The fact you’ve found friends who, even though you’ve never met face to face, help you feel better on your down days and celebrate with you on your high days. When you check on each other because you both know the other values you as a person/friend before a character/scene.

Glad to be here. Hope to meet new friends and continue interacting with current ones! waves

I want to say first how encouraging it is to see everyone come together and collectively speak out against such disgusting behavior, show support for the person faced with the final staff decision and all around prove the mush community is filled with more good than bad.
Second, I hope you’re all able to self care, hydrate and step back from the keyboard as needed to focus on your own emotional well being.

This topic is one that affects most, let’s be honest likely all, of us to some capacity. Whether experiencing it directly or knowing someone who has experienced it. Sexual harassment/assault is a terrifying experience whether on a game or in person and understandably has various lasting effects.

I’m sorry first of all to @Cobalt that you had to not only face the experience of addressing this situation but how it affected you directly. You handled everything more tactfully, professionally and swiftly than I’d have been able to. To all others on this board who are obviously invested in this topic and conversation, you have my support and my inbox if you need.

@Pavel Also for the reason ‘it’s funny’ made me full cringe. The awareness and still lack of accountability. I wish I could say it made me feel better to have my own experiences and views of the person validated, but it honestly makes me feel ill.

This is a vent and a happy, but I’m posting it here because I’m choosing to focus on the positive so follow me for my roller coaster ride.

I got laid off from my job today. (Booo!)

Tomorrow is my birthday! (Yay!)

My boss said it is no fault of my own, I’m amazing and it’s the company downsizing so she’s giving me severance and has provided a glowing recommendation letter. (Yay!)

My entire household is sick. (Boo!)

I already have three interviews set up after an afternoon of application submissions. (Yay!)

My mini panther is giving me early birthday cuddles! (YAAAAY!)

So yeah.

Real footage of me today:

An All Happy Update!

I’m now older (still waiting on that wiser part)!

The household is less sick.

I got a job offer today!

I still have mini panther cuddles.

As a side note, another real life happy is how much I’ve improved with handling my anxiety even in the last year. Before when I’ve lost my job I’ve fallen into overwhelming depression with self deprecating panic. This time I stayed calm, focused on what positive I still had and knew the situation would change it wasn’t an ‘if’ it was a ‘when’.

Idk if that’s the wiser part. Either way it feels pretty great.

The past few months of my life have felt like years in both the most stressful and wonderful ways possible.  I’ve taken on challenges and responsibilities that, even as they were happening, I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to face.  All I knew is that quitting wasn’t an option.

During these months I’ve had to sacrifice significant time from MUSH and other online and RL interactions and, while it was difficult to start with, my journey helped me find a healthier balance and outlook towards life in general.  It’s amazing how the toughest times in our life can also be the best.  How what breaks us down also leaves us stronger than we ever thought we could be.

I’m happier now.  I realize that self care isn’t selfish.  Kindness doesn’t require tolerating mistreatment.  Simply put…life is too damn short to spend it making yourself miserable.

I know realistically I will always struggle with my confidence and worry about letting others down.  It’s just part of being a recovering people pleaser.  It sure does feel nice to finally be in a place where I can look in the mirror and genuinely love the person I’m looking at though.

TL;DR: Life is short.  Love yourself.  You’re worth it.

@hellfrog No she does more than trash talk people on Discord. She creates Discord groups with a Burn Book a la Mean Girls vibe. It starts out as a ‘Oh hey a nice chat group because we’re all on a game or all friends’ and turns into you awkwardly watching her shit on, slut shame and bitch about other people because they dare to not worship her.

Then when you don’t join in or dare to stick up for someone because they’re your friend too she lashes out until you leave the group and block her.

She has major Queen Bee energy. Even Regina George is more likeable.

@L-B-Heuschkel

Me: “That’s absurd. I don’t want to be my PBs.”

Also me looking at my PBs:

TW: Toxic Family/Childhood

While it’s gotten easier as an adult, the holidays are never 100% fun and happy when it comes to travel and time together.

I love my family, but I feel like the time I spend with them is always a balance of positive exchanges weighted by the memories of past difficulties. Am I stepping on eggshells out of habit and imagining the landmines are still there? Or no matter how much better things may have gotten is there some level to which people don’t really change? I’m grateful for the positive memories I never thought I’d have since giving second chances and establishing boundaries. I also can’t discredit the growth I’ve witnessed and apologies I’ve received for these past mistreatments.

Getting older meant I was able to move out on my own, build my own life and finally get therapy for myself. I just thought at some point it would also mean I got over the traumas of my past. The older I get though the more I learn you never ‘get over’ your pain you simply learn a healthier way of living with it. Like a muscle in training, your heart just gets stronger as it becomes used to weight and continued motions of this exercise.

It also helps that I’m surrounded by more people who love me than who hurt me now. I have realized the importance of both my existence and my opinions. No matter what happens in the upcoming weeks, I get to return to a place and routine with people who make me feel valued.

To those who also have a holiday season that is stressful, whether for the above or any other reason: You’ve got this. You matter and we will get through this. This has been late night (early morning??) thoughts with SockMonkey. Thank you for tuning in.

@dvoraen

ETA - I just had a cursed thought occur to me. Does that count as RP voyeurism, where you just watch other people do a thing IC that you don’t (intentionally) interact with, not because of your character intentionally being a wallflower or the like, but you as the player just “pretend” to be there engaging?

Me watching reality tv for the same reason:

@MisterBoring True! Granted, I’m a hobbit and keep to myself so it’s less literal for me too. It still helped put things into perspective as far as why I’d bend over backwards to accommodate someone online when I wouldn’t do that irl.

@Roz

@Roz Yet no matter how many warnings or strikes you give the banhammer always comes “out of nowhere” -_-

@Juniper I had someone once explain it to me as “If you wouldn’t invite them into your living room why would you invite them into your game?” Whether it’s a game, a scene, or whatever. The same concept remains.

My in person friendships get a lot more grace and chances. I’ve also had online friendships get to the point of earning those chances because of my history with the person.

Boundaries aren’t bad (whether as staff or player) though especially for people you don’t know outside of a game and who haven’t put in the effort to receive additional chances.

Giving someone you hardly know, who has shown a negative behavior, the continued chance to add to your stress and the stress of those around you?

I’m a hypocrite sometimes though and still have trouble having a spine. The older I get though? The less fucks I give.

@Yam I think the difference there is Staff have an expectation on them because they chose to either make a game or take a title of responsibility on said game. Setting expectations of players past the ‘follow game rules’ could make it seem like people have to earn the privilege to be on a game.

People don’t have to run or staff games. Players don’t have to play them. One choice gives you more control and influence in the overall dynamic though.

That being said, there’s some aspect of common sense. No you don’t have to play in scenes or participate or attend events. However, also don’t be the player that doesn’t do those things and then complains when your char doesn’t get certain plot/results/interaction.

@junipersky You and other foster mom are fantastic and that is awesome!

@Jenn What I saw/heard in my head:

@Pavel That 30 year body warranty is serious business. Also your post made me absolutely cackle so thank you for that.