Eddie is certainly doing a good job of making the original accusations seem very likely to be spot on.

@Coin 500 words a day. Every day. It worked for Terry Pratchett.

Moreover, it worked for me. I finally published my first this spring.

@kalakh I had somebody pull the ‘some people expressed concern to me’ line on me as late as last week.

There is only one appropriate answer. If these people will not stand up themselves and voice their concerns, or at the very least allow their names to be used, then their complaint is invalid.

People with concerns should go to staff and make themselves known. At the very least they should allow the person they pick to talk to staff to identify them. Because it’s bloody easy to pull ‘some people agree with me, actually everyone does’ out of your arse, and there is no way to verify that these people even exist.

Being a disabled person who can only leave the house with a helper and isn’t even able to drive a car themselves – and still being able to be part of a community of people and have a social life.

That’s what Mushing is for me.

Agreed. Tone policing is essentially a tool to silence those whose polite protests got them nothing, in order to maintain the status quo.

I had one of those sleepless nights where old stuff finishes ruminating in your mind and finally bubbles to the surface. Now to unload it so I can go on to other ruminations.

Red flags. I’ve had a few experiences in this hobby with people who I would, without being a medical professional, definitely armchair diagnose as malignant narcissists at worst – and players who use and discard other players like NPCs at best.

If somebody says this to you in a private conversation, run.

“I have a black belt in charm.”
“I am/we are the darlings/power couple of the game.”
“I can win anyone over.”
“Many players are jealous of my success but I know you’re different.”
“I play for me, others will have to find their own fun.”

And other things like them, I’m sure.

These statements aren’t all one hundred per cent wrong: We are all responsible for finding our own fun instead of having it served up on a plate, for example.

But they’re also all direct quotes from people who – well, let’s just say that I don’t need to talk to any of those people again.

Personally, my experience is that people are willing to accept amazing and terrifying amounts of consequences, even very negative such, as long as they feel that it matters.

No one wants their character to lose a leg and no one cares. But if losing a leg means the villain gets outed and everyone goes around all ‘thank you for your sacrifice’, then it’s juuuuuust fine.

People want to matter.

On popular request: The story of the girl who thought she was marrying my partner.

So, this was back in the 1990s – 'round 96 if I remember correctly. The date matters because cybersecurity and whatnot really wasn’t a big thing yet. Partner and I both played on LegendMUD.

Partner hung out a lot with a chick from Detroit and her friends. I had my crowd I went stabbing things with so nothing unusual there.

One day, a large care package arrived. Chocolate, a vinyl with ‘our song’, Red Sox kit (partner has no interest in hockey), scented candles.

In retrospect, this is where we should have started to question but, we weren’t really sure what to think.

Then she announced to partner that she’d bought the plane tickets and was arriving in a couple of weeks. Couldn’t wait to get married!

That, of course, rang all the alarm bells and set off an investigation on the game – where I was a builder at the time so I had a pretty decent rapport with the admins.

Partner had complained a few times that they lost gear or logged into the game somewhere else than expected. They’re a forgetful type though, so…

So the admins looked through paging history and private correspondence. And it turned out that some other guy from Denmark had been logging the character in and, to be blunt, convinced this American girl to come to Denmark to marry him.

This is where the obvious question is, how the hell can I trust partner to not be the culprit? Well. To be just as blunt again – partner’s English levels aren’t up to what those pages and letters contained.

Needless to say there was quite an uproar. Girl accused partner of abuse and gaslighting – other guy denied everything – and obviously, the trip to Europe was cancelled, more so when girl found out that partner and I were in fact already married.

https://twitter.com/lbheuschkel/status/1536026867471466496

Have to link the video rather than a picture. Those are my girls, running around for the joy of life.

Not just youth. Also standards.

When I was 25 and had all night and nothing to compare with, I would jump into anything. Even the most atrocious, brain-numbing roleplay was good roleplay.

Now I’m 51 and I don’t have all night and I’m not going to waste time and energy on stuff that’s boring the hell out of me while hoping that a miracle happens.

@RightMeow said in Does Anyone Even Care?:

@L-B-Heuschkel although not the original four. I’m still to this day touched to be invited. Even to be invited annually when I sigh that I miss RP.

Then let me hurry to invite you once again.

@Ashkuri said in Does Anyone Even Care?:

At this point I just plan that the ending of the next game will be me and like 7 people and that’s alright.

I’ve found that planning for a game of me and 4 turned out to be me and a hell of a lot more people – but if we someday end back at me and a handful of others, that’s fine, too. Bigger isn’t better.

Resolved now. Posting somewhere about it always solves a problem before anyone has a chance to find out what’s really wrong.

The ADHD me wants to flit from one new thing to another. The autistic in me stays until the ship sinks.

I counter-act this largely by trying to build not only a game, but also a community around that game. That way, I find it easier to stay focused and interested because I’m not only playing the game, I’m also spending time with my friends and my tribe.

We don’t have a thread here (great! no scandals!) but right now I need one so…

We’re currently experiencing technical difficulties, most likely related to some internet downage somewhere. I’m investigating. Hang tight and check back in a few hours.

@Trashcan said in RP Safari - Pacing Styles:

@bear_necessities said in RP Safari - Pacing Styles:

There are very few public games on Ares, and none of them appear to have a “live scene” culture.

Empty Night and Aegis Company both have a heavy majority of ‘traditional’ pacing scenes listed in their 10+ active scenes. There are probably others.

We have plenty people doing live scenes on Keys. It’s just not the scenes you’ll see when scanning the scene list – that space is firmly claimed by the asyncs that linger for a while.

On Keys, at least, the trick is to find the people who share your preferred style.

My preferred pace is live. It almost never happens.

I’m in Europe, which places me in an awkward timezone for a lot of people. I suffer various health issues, chronic fatigue among them.

Because of that, most of my scenes are async. I prefer agreeing with others at the start what that actually means. Are we doing this scene over a day or two, expecting at least a few pose rounds a day? A pose round a day? Or are we going glacial, where people post whenever they’re able and a scene can take several weeks?

I am capable of them all. I just want to know in advance.

@Pyrephox said in Bad Stuff Happening IC:

I don’t necessarily trust when a player says this, either to me-as-player or me-as-GM because often they do not mean it, so I am absolutely reluctant to actually pull the trigger on negative consequences because it is exhausting to deal with a lot of people after you do, and perhaps even more so the people who are very vocal about “Oh yeah, destroy my life, I can take it!”

Unfortunately, this is true. In my experience as a GM, some players love bad things and consequences, and others just want to be heroes. As a GM, it’s not my place to judge – it’s to provide the frame for the story they want to tell, and mesh it in with the one I am telling.

So what I often do is offer choice. As an example, I just finished a quite epic scene in which the characters all died at the end. In death, they were returned to their own timeline and bodies, so no lasting damage.

Or at least, the choice of no lasting damage. Because how do you cope with experiencing a cold, wet, traumatic death on a sinking ship in the Atlantic? With knowing you just spent 24 hours trying to save that ship, and it’s still bloody sinking?

There’s a choice there, to opt out and be like, hey, that’s any day ending in y. And there’s the choice all the players made – traumatic death poses, lots of grief and misery to explore in follow-up scenes, and utter devastation all around. They hurt their own characters far more than I ever would have dared.

Which is just the way I want it. If somebody felt it was all too much, they could just ignore the trauma part and wake up with fewer memories or not too affected. Or they could go all overboard and require all kinds of drinking binges, psychotherapy and comfort cuddles for weeks after. All up to them. And nowhere in that did I have to sit down and try to judge how far I could and should go.

I find that most players are afraid of losing control. They’re afraid of being subjected to a story that isn’t fun to them. They’re not afraid of bad things happening to characters – they’re afraid to be ground into the dirt for no reason other than the GM or other player getting their jollies. And that, in my view, is a quite valid fear.

Have to throw my two cents in with the people who already advised against sharing such a list, too. Which is not to say that you shouldn’t know who you’re banning on sight. Just don’t take somebody else’s word for it.

Instead of a list of names, decide what behaviour you have zero tolerance with. Ban anyone who engages in it.

Only banned once or twice. That said, always had a very clear policy following Wheaton’s Law (“Don’t be a dick”). People know when they’re being assholes. If they’re being assholes, they need to be somewhere else. This is a private party and if you piss on the carpet, you will be escorted off the premises. The clearer that is, the fewer people seem to feel a need to test limits.

There are a few people whom I’d ban on sight. Those are the known predators who have a history of causing game meltdowns or driving away vulnerable players. I wouldn’t invite a known predator into my house in real life, either.

On the other hand, a few people who have been problematic elsewhere, have turned new leaves on Keys and never caused trouble. Sometimes, people do learn from their mistakes and just need a fresh start.

The most arguments I’ve watched around banning and behaviour were on games where game policy was three pages long and waffling. The shorter and more concise it is, the less attempts to rules lawyer out of trouble. Because people do indeed know when they’re being assholes.