RL Peeves
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@Testament I’ve wondered a lot if maybe there has been some depression there all along that was masked because my ADHD have been out of control for YEARS. Now the ADHD is being treated and my brain is a little quieter and now depression is just like “Yo, what’s up?”
maybe
I also kind of think there’s a certain amount of depression/anxiety that are just - BECAUSE of the condition. Having no executive function sucks. Having a terrible memory sucks. I don’t think I have chemical depression, I think I’m depressed that this thing does not happen in my brain and I really wish it did.For me, being medicated helps? I can maintain, I can go to work and not get fired, I can mostly get bills handled on time, etc. But it doesn’t ACTUALLY supply executive function. Nothing does. And that fucking sucks, and I’m always a little low-grade depressed about it.
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@hellfrog YES. And it is really hard to figure out how to express how the lack of executive functioning and the memory lapses have really fucked up my life in a lot of ways. I can be positive and gentle with myself and I am in therapy right now because my harsh inner critic was leading me down some dark roads, but all the mindfulness and gentleness and meds and self-accepting in the world doesn’t change that this sucks and I wish it were different.
lol lmao
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And it is really hard to figure out how to express how the lack of executive functioning and the memory lapses have really fucked up my life in a lot of ways.
I could scream with how much I feel this.
“Just do the thing” is impossible and I can’t explain why. I have never in my life found the words to adequately explain to someone how this just does not happen for me. And even being kind to myself I know - i know- that people don’t understand and they find it frustrating. Because I fucking find it frustrating, and I do understand.
Guess I’m just yelling in solidarity here, but for what it’s worth? I know how these things have fucked your life up. I get you.
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I don’t really recall how I managed to make my life work with my autism/ADHD/etc before I was able to work remote full-time. I guess I developed tricks to keep people thinking I worked like they expect while in reality I spend 30 hours of the week wrestling with angst of executive function disorder and then 10 (often in one go) being more productive than most of my peers are with 40. That’s way easier to make work now that I don’t have to be in an office.
I do have the general major depression, I would describe my baseline emotional state as greyscale, but luckily (ha) I was raised with an overdose of puritan work ethic so being happy was never an expectation.
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We have so many people absent that I’m covering a class all day today. (Since the teacher I’m covering knew it was a real teacher in here she gave ACTUAL content for them to do.)
I’ve got one kiddo I’ve provided everything I possibly can, but he won’t pick up his pencil.
I could make a row and a fuss and get him to work, but that would take the other students out of their MOJO and prevent their learning.
It is really bothering me I’m letting this kid fail.
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My spouse and teenagers are having a good time while I’m working. Which would be fine if they WERENT SHOUTING CONSTANTLY.
Ugh.
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Heard a solicitor stuff a piece of paper in our door today around 7PM. Didn’t think much of it.
Went to walk my dog at around 8:30PM, and the paper fell out of the door. Turns out it was from our apartment complex, and it basically says ‘We sold to a different company, your security keys won’t work effective immediately, your new owner will be in touch with whatever details.’
Wut.
Anyhow, went to go pop on to their resident portal website to see if anyone had issued a statement or anything.
Okay, damn, that was fast. Guess I’ll just swing by the company’s actual website, then, and…
These fuckers just deleted their web presence and printed that shit out and ran with absolutely no notice. Impressive, honestly.
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Rearranging my entire routine to get to work a half hour early for a meeting…only to have the meeting canceled at the last moment.
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Nice little surprise waiting for us at our new house, previously hidden behind the old owners washers and dryers….
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Watching the city government deal with the chemical spill in the Delaware River is enraging. The river water was contaminated by the spill on Friday night and not announced until 1PM on Sunday, with a warning that we might need to switch to bottled water in… 45 minutes?
Fuck the Philadelphia Water Department.
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I get a call on my cellphone at 5:30 that goes straight to voicemail. It’s a doctor’s office calling about one of my patients, but doesn’t say what the call’s about. I call them back and, after a bunch of faffing about trying to find out the patient’s SSN, find out that this isn’t the doctor’s office: it’s a hospital and some kind of crossed wire has sent me to them instead of the office I need to call. However, the hospital employees are helpful enough to tell me the office I need closed at 4:00, 90 minutes before I even got the voicemail. Fantastic. I could call their on-call number, but their system is still screwed up and redirecting me to the hospital, so I have no way of knowing what the hell they want to tell me about my patient.
I love competence in medicine, don’t you?
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Peeve 1- Dentist doesn’t call back about root canal for a month so now I have to miss work instead of being able to do it over spring break.
Tmi below
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Peeve 2- Spring Break messed up my pee cycles. Now it isn’t just during my transition periods I need to pee.
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@junipersky No idea why your spoiler tag isn’t working, it’s working fine for me:
Peeve 2- Spring Break messed up my pee cycles. Now it isn’t just during my transition periods I need to pee.
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Because I’m special
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Getting better from being sick and then a week later everything suspiciously feels like you’re getting sick again because you’ve tried an allergy pill and it did nothing. I guess we’ll see what the next 48 hours brings.
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I have been pretty sick for about 5 weeks now. Pneumonia is finally done after 2 rounds of antibiotics. There’s a lot of nasty stuff going around in the middle of allergy season, not fun! Hope you feel better soon!
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When you feel your depression taking a major downswing and all you want to do is just lie in bed for all hours of the day and everything feels like a much larger struggle than it usually is. You can’t stave it off, you can’t stop it from happening, no matter how much you try to tell your brain that it’s not that bad.
You just ready yourself for when it decides it wants to dump. When you start seeing everything in faded colors, you know it’s here.
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@Testament said in RL Peeves:
When you feel your depression taking a major downswing and all you want to do is just lie in bed for all hours of the day and everything feels like a much larger struggle than it usually is. You can’t stave it off, you can’t stop it from happening, no matter how much you try to tell your brain that it’s not that bad.
You just ready yourself for when it decides it wants to dump. When you start seeing everything in faded colors, you know it’s here.
For me, it’s the chains. Like you’re laying in bed, and someone is slowly, inexorably piling more and more lengths of steel chain around your body, and you’re sinking into the bed, and you’re like, “If I can just get up…” But it’s already far, far too late.
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I have a stronger feeling to this than a peeve, but it fits here best.
I help interview potential adoptors for the shelter I work with. One of them presented, and later confirmed, they were transitioning. Regardless of that the interview went well and I recommended them to adopt two of our kittens. Shelter director always does final approval and after reviewing my notes approved them also.
One of our old fart volunteers (70 years or more) asked if we were sure because clearly they had a mental illness and what if they hurt the cats because of it.
I’m so glad he didn’t say it to my face because I would have had to walk out. He is the most caring person in the world with our cats, but so ass backwards on so many things. (It is softened by the fact he tries to undermine every adoption so the blatant transphobia is at least in line…)
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Oh, god. Fuck my entire life.
My entire life.
I work at a company of almost 20,000 people. I’ve been here for most of nine years. In all that time and all those people, I have encountered exactly three-- just three! – that I never want to work with ever again. Including my manager’s manager in my last role that I left two years ago, the woman who single-handedly made me consider quitting a company where I’ve been planning to spend the rest of my career.
…guess who just messaged me because I’m somehow the aligned communications specialist for their current initiative, which is coming out of a subdivision that I’m not even a part of?
How did this happen?
Why?! FUCKING WHY??
