Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent
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Struggling with significant depression rn. I’m doing ok juggling most things I think. But a bit slower on the uptake/not very much energy right now. At some point maybe I will be less burnt out by life, but man it is really hard. I know I have lots of people right here with me tho.
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@mietze you’re definitely not alone. I’m sorry for your struggle, for what it’s worth.
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Earlier this year they told us to start keeping every door shut and locked at all times. It is a pain in the ass but we have been doing it.
Seeing the Nashville shooter just go right through the locked doors just makes my heart ache and feel like every time I let a kid go to the bathroom it is a tiny bit like I’m sending them out with a 'good luck, don’t die. The fact that it was on the heels of a shooting here in Denver just doubles the feelings.
I’m not quitting teaching just… down.
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CW: bullshit animal laws, and threats of animal cruelty
We have been in the new house for about a week. A 90yr old waste of human DNA has already called the cops because our dogs were barking (during the day, we bring them in at night). It has escalated quickly.
|He threatened to hurt our dogs tonight because the cops told them there’s no ordinance against dogs barking during the day.So we called the cops back. And the cop told us that he’ll make sure the neighbor doesn’t come onto our property but we have to get rid of two of our dogs because there’s a city ordinance against pit bulls. We have a blue nose pit and a GSD/Pit that are bonded.
The ordinance requires that if they are outside they have a 4ft or shorter leashed and a muzzle. And cannot at any time be off leash. And they must be contained in such a way they can never get out on their own.
If we are caught violating the ordinance it is a 30 day sentence for the person deemed responsible. Which would be either my spouse or mother in law as they are legally the home owners.|
I really want to scream, but I have laryngitis on top of this so I’m not allowed to sing or talk loudly or anything…
Cobalt@Under the Stars
cob.alt@Discord
Cobalt#[email protected] -
The ACTUAL fuck.
I’m so sorry. -
Someone called in to a bunch of schools in northern Utah today and claimed that an active shooter was firing at students. It was a hoax.
I don’t fucking understand who could possibly do something like that. I am so angry about it I am literally shaking. My son was home from school today but even just the possibility of him being so scared and traumatized over some fuckhead’s sick prank is unbelievable.
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@Wizz Pennsylvania too. Rage.
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Now I’m sitting here wondering if school shootings are so common that school policies include how many snow days to cut from the calendar to make up for days lost to shootings and prank shooter alerts; and I’m getting very depressed as I think about it.
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@GF The answer is no, we don’t account for them.
Welcome to the club other states. So (sarcastic) glad to be a pioneer in gun violence in schools.
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Tfw pneumonia recovery might be hitting the stomach flu speedbump. fml
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@mietze God I’m sorry. I’m recovering from pneumonia too and I’m mostly just tired as fuck. Deep sympathies.
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My older brother made the decision that he no longer wants any more care. They are starting to wean him off all medications and will discuss hospice options tomorrow.
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I need to talk to my doctor about increasing my dosage of antidepressants. This last week I’ve been in what I mentally call the Hole has not been great.
I have not been in the Hole for a long time, and I’ve done my absolute best to prepare myself when I know I’m in it. I hate how it can last a few weeks to potentially a few months. Or even longer. The last time it was truly this bad, it lasted 11 months of isolation in 2017. But I was unmedicated back then, so I don’t think it’s to that length of time.
Still. I don’t like where my mind goes lately. It honestly scares me at some points. Friends feel kind of like strangers sometimes, staring at words on a screen and trying to determine if they actually care or if it’s just words and noise. Going to the gym helps steady and balance myself, it’s one of the few things that does. But I wonder if that’s more because I’ll work out till I want to collapse and just go to sleep.
Even with that I still feel kind of lost, hoping that something pulls me out, or I find something that draws me out.
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He is gone and I don’t even know where to start thinking
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@junipersky I am so sorry for your loss.
Did you manage to get him on hospice? If you did, they can help you with where to start thinking. Dealing with the procedures can provide a weirdly effective combination of ritual and distraction; and if their hospice is any good, they should also offer counselors to talk to.
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My younger sister and I work together and are a LOT alike in many ways - but I’ve discovered we grieve very differently. She went to work the day we found out after our brother, and said it was the right decision. I fed the kittens and that was it. Today we both went in. She felt energized and comforted being there. I lasted until the last hour when I had to ask to leave because I was about to vibrate apart holding it together.
I feel like I need to keep up with her energy but it is so hard to be around people right now.
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@junipersky said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:
I feel like I need to keep up with her energy
No, you really don’t. Really.
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@junipersky said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:
I feel like I need to keep up with her energy but it is so hard to be around people right now.
I’m a real-life grief counsellor (I know, right? Me, helping people?) and this is a natural and normal thing to feel - both the need to keep up, and the need to isolate.
Both are potentially dangerous for you.
Grief is a process that can take a long time, there’s no timeline you should set for yourself, but it might be helpful to set some mild expectations for how you want to process through the grief. Not a timeline per se, but things you’d like to get back to doing in some reasonable-to-you time.
Don’t punish yourself if you can’t do all of them by the time you expect to, but complete withdrawal is something to keep an eye on.
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I’m very much trying not to. Just finding that my already abysmal social battery is even smaller than normal.
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@junipersky said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:
I feel like I need to keep up with her energy but it is so hard to be around people right now.
Everyone grieves differently. There is no right or wrong way to do it. Just make sure whatever way you grieve, it suits you. Be kind and gentle on yourself during this process, because, really, you are finding /your/ new normal for yourself after your brother’s passing. That’s not going to be the same as your sister’s new normal.
I say this as someone who lost my mother at age 22 in 1996, where it took nearly 20 years for me to heal, and then my husband in 2019, where it took me 3 years for me to finally feel like I could get back out into the world actively outside of work again; part of that was compounded by the pandemic, but most of it was the grief spirals I’d find myself in. Take the time you need.
