RL Peeves

[junipersky]

My husband got all his Avalanche Stanley Cup Winner gear but my shirt is on backorder and I feel that is just sexist.

(I’m kidding.)

[Birdie]

@mietze I feel this. My boys all tested positive in May. They went down like dominos one right after the other. My mom who came to watch my youngest for 20 minutes on day 0 also tested positive. I was the only one who didn’t test positive. We were very lucky everyone had a mild case with my youngest having it the worst since he was the only one not vaccinated. I took the approach that once it was here we all had it and tried to keep things as calm and peaceful as possible. The house also smelled of Vicks, lavender and eucalyptus for what seemed like ever Wishing everyone a speedy recovery ️‍🩹

[Mourne]

I’ve had Covid twice.

The first time was when we weren’t sure it had hit the country yet (it had) and I worked delivery. The whole hub got it but we didn’t know what it was. Had a fever so high I was hallucinating for 3 days straight before it broke.

Second time was in January of this year, just in time so that I couldn’t go to the Las Vegas Open for WH40K that I’d spent literally thousands of dollars on.

Not happy.

That time I’d had my shots so it was like, some mild coughing. Not bad at all…

But I missed biggest pro WH40K event near me

[Testament]

This is a wedding planning peeve. Realistically, I know a lot of this is on me and my unwillingness to see past previous transgressions, especially when it involves my family, specifically my mother(because I’m an unapologetic mamma’s boy, fite me).

So first there was the issue of one of my aunt and uncle. I’m not what I’d call fans of them. I don’t hate them, I don’t really have an issue with them. I’m just not really close to them. There’s also underlying resentment due to…family opinions. Some of it is political in nature, some isn’t Regardless, I haven’t always been a fan of them due to how they’ve treated their sister(being my mother). And yet she still tells me to invite them. At first I said no, but when she mentioned that it’d mean a lot to my grandmother(who’s in her 90s)and really, isn’t a person who requests anything. Because she specifically requested this, I kind of can’t say to it. Fine, they’ll get invites, but I’m going to complain the entire time.

What caused me to have a ten minute rant on the phone two days ago was the fact that mom was trying to make the case for my step-dad’s eldest daughter. Now, for some context, I hate this woman. This is deep-seeded resentment that goes back about 20 years. She is selfish, left her kid’s dad and her kids for a different dude(and proceeded to this a number of other times through the years). Has consistently asked both my mom and step-dad for money. Changed her career three different times in order to go back to school each time. Constantly was extremely disrespectful towards my mother, while at the same staying out of my eyesight because of the time I dressed her down in front of the family for almost killing one of my brother’s kids by having her dogs around, and my brother’s kid being highly allergic to dogs(this resulted in an ER visit).

This has gone on for 20 years, and two days ago, my fiance says I need to call my mother because she hoping I would invite this person. I admit, I was not the finest in that conversation, which my statement was more or less “Why the fuck would I invite a woman who has treated you like shit for years to my wedding?”

And my mother, damnit, she’s too kind, too forgiving, too generous, she says “Well, she’s been a lot better lately. She’s been a lot more helpful and respectful lately.” My response was “Okay, so what’s her angle. What does she want this time.”

I realize the hypocrisy here. That I’ve worked hard to make myself a better person, but my own bias doesn’t allow me to see that possibility in other people. I know that, and I know my resentment and anger is clouding my judgement on this. My mother pointed out that, “You invited your step-dad’s other two daughters. It’s going to be a thing if you don’t invite her as well.” I asked a single question, “Has she apologized to you? For the way she’s treated you? Has she apologized to her dad?”

I know I’m being overprotective of my mom. I know. And I know she’s her own adult and she doesn’t need me to protect her. I also know that I don’t always think clearly when it comes to certain people in my life. I’m still chewing it over, but I feel like I’m going to have to swallow my own pride on this one and give this utter tire fire of a human being an invite.

And tell our day-of coordinator that I don’t want her near me. It’s sometimes really dumb the things you do to keep the peace within your own extended family.

[Kestrel]

My RL and MU* peeve right now is feeling a loss of any capacity to trust anyone at all.

BMD seems like a very chill, welcoming space. I have no reason at all to feel uncomfortable here. Absolutely no one has been unkind, entirely the opposite. I would like to like it here.

But currently, I still feel like I can’t talk. And again, I acknowledge that no one at all is making me feel this way except me. I find myself second guessing before every post, typing things up and then deleting unsent, etc. I’ve been doing it on MSB these past few weeks and I’m still doing it here, out of a gut level concern that maybe this community isn’t better, maybe the same patterns will play out all over again that I keep seeing over and over in these spaces and IRL in general. People seem safe and then they’re not, anything I say can and will be used against me, and then things I really, deeply care about will be threatened because of it.

There are things I really wish I could say, express and talk about, but I can’t. Because I won’t be believed, because I’m too unlikely of a person, because the way I talk to people is sometimes unintentionally condescending and it will be easier to assume the worst. Because I fear that people don’t see the things I see exactly as they are, and I’ll look crazy if I spell it out. So I keep my mouth shut and grit my teeth. I used to be so outspoken when I was younger, but now I’m a coward. It has quite frankly never gotten me very far, I instead feel punished for speaking the truth, and there’s a limited amount of punishment a person can take. Sometimes I deserve to not care, to not get involved, to not speak up, to just have fun, and to be selfish, and not be expected to carve up pieces of myself for a collective pot. It’s tiring.

I’m immensely relieved when someone else speaks up and points out the exact thing I’d noticed but didn’t want to say. So now it’s not coming from me, this respectable and reputable person with less skin in the game and less reason to be disbelieved saw it too. I want to say thank you every time, but I usually don’t even do that.

Not a subtweet about any recent specific event. There are surely some recent events it applies to, but it’s an everything post. This is how I’ve felt increasingly for the last few years, and it’s getting worse.

[GF]

@Kestrel Girl, I get it. I vacillate between extreme obsequiousness and an absolute inability to give a fuck if anyone doesn’t like being called out. When I’m in the former state, everything feels like a survival calculation–how much will I be punished if I say what I think instead of what will make them feel good about themselves–and in those times, silence doesn’t just feel like the easier option. It feels like the only one that won’t get me attacked, and since some fuckhead definitely will be coming for me today regardless of what I do or say to pacify him, why not minimize the amount of conflict coming for me? I don’t have the strength to run a gauntlet every day.

So you are not alone, and you deserve permission to do what’s safe for you.

[Tez]

@Kestrel I’m sorry. I hope it gets better. It takes time to get over things. FORTUNATELY, this is hardly urgent, and you can take all the time you need. But still: I hope it is sooner rather than later.

[IoleRae]

@Kestrel

I get it. I’m sorry you’re dealing with it.

[Jumpscare]

@Kestrel said in RL Peeves:

I find myself second guessing before every post, typing things up and then deleting unsent

Having been raised to believe that nobody wants to hear what I have to say, I feel this so much. Over half of everything I write gets tossed because a voice in the back of my head says the same things you feel. “Someone’s going to use this against you” or “You’re only posting for attention” or “Nobody cares what you have to say.” I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember. Half of me is trying to break the cycle, and the other half just casually reminds me of every terrible experience I’ve had. I wish the latter would shut up sometimes. Anxiety claws at my gut just considering posting this reply.

I don’t know what’s best, and I’m sorry you experience it too. I know how outspoken you can be, and I’ve looked up to you for it. You’re such a confidence booster. I don’t fault you at all for taking a break for as long as you need, even forever if need be. Thanks for all you’ve done.

[Pyrephox]

@Jumpscare For what it’s worth, I very much enjoy when you post! Those voices are awful, and are so tiring to fight against every day.

[Jumpscare]

@Pyrephox Thank you. I appreciate it. And I enjoy reading your posts, too.

[IoleRae]

My therapist has introduced me to “IFS”; internal family systems, as a way of addressing/coping with/healing from complex trauma (like childhood abuse). I highly, highly recommend it, if you can get over how silly it seems at first. Think, “Inside Out”, where you’re addressing parts of yourself as – things that need a particular kind of attention from you to go from their agitated state to something calmer. If you can’t get a therapist there’s a LOT of workbooks about it.

[Cornpopped]

First World Problems: When you need your morning coffee to get started in the morning, and the coffee you bought to treat yourself with tastes like ugh

[Testament]

Also a First World Problem: when starting an all-team meeting with your entire shift, you Director insists on having an icebreaker and I can just feel my soul leaving my body.

[Pavel]

@Testament said in RL Peeves:

Also a First World Problem: when starting an all-team meeting with your entire shift, you Director insists on having an icebreaker and I can just feel my soul leaving my body.

Okay so we’re going to go around the forum and have everyone introduce themselves and speak just a little bit on an event that really best describes how they overcome workplace stress…

[Testament]

@Pavel

ETA: I really hate the ones like “What’s your dream job.” Or “Movie you’ve seen ten times.” Just some of the cringiest stuff.

[Pavel]

@Testament said in RL Peeves:

Or “Movie you’ve seen ten times.”

Oh that one’s easy for me. I can honestly say Schindler’s List and that drags the mood of the whoooooole conversation down. It is hands-down my favourite film.

[Testament]

@Pavel To my Director’s credit, she actually gave a somewhat interesting one. “If you could bring back one musician or band, who would it be.”

And I said Lane Stalely, because I really miss 90s Alice in Chains and was too young to really appreciate them when Lane was alive.

[Pavel]

@Testament Oooh, that is a good one.

Assuming they’d get to live a healthy life after bringing them back, I’d probably go with Freddie Mercury.

[RightMeow]

@Testament

I am not a fan of ice breakers. I mean, I kind of like listening to the answers, but I don’t like to be in the spotlight. It makes me nervous. I also don’t like birthdays for this reason. I feel you. Also ‘my dream job’ sounds like bait to be asked at work. LOL.

As to the wedding. It’s YOURS. Invite who you want or don’t. It’s a day to spotlight your relationship. Your decisions in that relationship and celebrate with the people that loved and supported you. My opinion anyways. Take that as you will.

Also, could you stand up - state your first name and describe yourself with a word that starts with the first letter?