Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent
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@Testament I have little to offer besides being sorry for your loss. I know it does not help, but it is hard to be so open it is a brave thing to do. I wish you the best moving forward, to be safe in this world. You belong and are important to the world, never forget that.
On my own, I have had to let people go for recent views on race and political nature. I will not get into it here, but I know that pain. My heart goes out to you.
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@Testament It’s so hard to navigate these complex relationships in our lives; some of the people we love the most are also the ones who we can struggle with the most and you just never know what might happen tomorrow or the next day. I’m sorry for your loss, and you should take as much time as you need to work through things. MU*ing will still be here when you’re ready for it - even if it’s like three grognards and Jill the Guest circling around the last Ares game.
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I’m sitting her teary as of halfway through your post because I can feel the ache of all of it, and because it reminds me at least in some small part of the big loss of my life. It didn’t look the same as yours, other than the fact that it was unexpected, but it’s those unexpected losses of people who are still young that absolutely wreck the foundations of our lives. It’s awful. It’s – terrible, and devastating, and awful.
Here is the only wisdom I have: however your feelings want to feel right now is okay as long as you take care of yourself. In my situation, I found myself utterly paralyzed when it came to opening up with my family, but I had the strangest urges to tell random strangers about my brother, because it devastated me that there was a whole world of people who didn’t understand that someone so important to it was gone. I talked about him, and the loss, a lot, but it’s what my instinct was.
I’m glad that you have people around you who love you, and that you have a professional helping you to process. I’m so sorry that this has happened, both to him and to you. I hope that you’ll be able to find a way through that guilt and regret someday when you’re able to start healing.
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@Roz I’m trying, but I also don’t want to wallow in those feelings. I want to move on. Maybe not be better, but I want to be okay. Enough that I can talk, because I know what might happen if I just go off into isolation. It’s been too easy to just get lost in Elder Scrolls Online, it’s such a good escape. I guess that’s partly why I was happy this place was created. I’m just another anonymous asshole with opinions just like anyone else.
In the end, I don’t know if he was a ‘good person’, but he was good to me, so maybe that does make him a good person despite the things I know from the past. Just one of many conflicted feelings I have.
Moving into the acceptance phase has been hardest, and the anger phase the easiest. Because I always wake up and choose violence. Which I wonder how much of that was his influence. Where I look back and think about how much of me is my own personality and how much of it was I wanted so desperately to be like him.
I don't know what I'm doing. Poke at Seven Nations sevennations.aresmush.com port 2021
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@Testament said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:
In the end, I don’t know if he was a ‘good person’, but he was good to me, so maybe that does make him a good person despite the things I know from the past. Just one of many conflicted feelings I have.
No one is a good person to everyone. That can’t invalidate the positive impact that we do have on people’s lives.
I also struggle a lot with reconciling the way I’ve experienced some people and seeing and accepting that they are, to others, wonderful or vital or kind and supportive, etc.
For what it is worth, I’m really glad he was there for you when you needed him, and I’m sure he was glad, too. I’m sorry for your loss, and the guilt.
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Thank you so much for the trust to share something personal. If you need anything, feel free to reach out. I’ll keep you in my thoughts.
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I just found out some horrible news, while in Chicago with a bunch of friends at a con. It’s really hard to process right now. I’m just really devastated and wish I were home.
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@Meg I wish you were home, too. I’m sorry.
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@Meg My positive thoughts going out to you. I hope you get through this.
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@Meg It might mean nothing, but if you want to commiserate, my door is open. A couple people offered the same to me not so long ago. It helped. Or at least, it did for me.
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@Meg I’m so sorry
I’ll keep you in my thoughts and send all the good vibes to you. -
@Meg so sorry.
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@Meg oh no. I’m so sorry.
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I am home now, since Sunday evening, and I keep crying on and off. I woke up crying this morning.
About five months ago, I left my previous job for my new one. But I left a lot of people that I was really close to for seven years. You spend 1/3rd of your day with the same people, and you grow super close to them. It’s why some people get joking referred to as work husbands, work wives.
My work husband passed away on Friday, from a heart attack. I don’t know any better thing to call him. We ate lunch together almost every day for seven years, we worked together, we bitched about our work and joked and shared everything. We worked out together, we had holidays together. And now he’s gone and the pandemic took so much time away from us, pushing everyone into isolation that I let stay because I was tired and lazy.
This pandemic is hard. It’s rough. We have all been constantly on edge for years. But, we should all be making more time for people and things we love.
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@Meg I’m so so so sorry. If you need to talk I’m here for you. You have always been awesome in my book when we have run into each other!
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Greetings!
I’m going to post this and I’m already feeling awkward about it and let me say I mean it in a positive way. I hope the perception is also the intention.
I play one game, but I’ve played with a lot of you over the past year. On MSB, I posted that the ADHD struggles (and some here that spawned this), I was going through. I’m on a great path with a great doctor and the last few months have been where I’ve ‘regulated’ more.
So what am I typing about? I’m sorry. I just want to say that I didn’t realize a lot of times how badly I was misjudging my phrasing, my humor, my intensity, and my reactions to things. I didn’t realize how my emotions were deregulated, etc.
If you were involved in any of these (as players, staff, etc) you know what I mean. The last month (and hopefully forwards) I’ve felt a huge change in how my brain is processing. I am not excusing anything I said or did (and really I don’t think they were like EVIL bad), but I legit did not know. This has always been my brain and I didn’t realize not everyone’s functioned this way until this year and the last few months.
So I am very sorry to any that I crossed lines with, made inappropriate jokes OOC, or anything else.
Thanks for reading!
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@RightMeow said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:
but I’ve played with a lot of you over the past year
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Well I mean…
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@RightMeow In seriousness, I applaud your strength to acknowledge past missteps and your ability to take responsibility for them rather than taking the easy path and blaming the disorder. Well done.
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@RightMeow Honestly, I relate hard to this. Now if I could just remember to take my meds every day I bet I would relate to it even more.
