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MU Peeves Thread
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This is one of the reasons I dislike being able to see private scenes, but I agree with @KarmaBum 100%. Some poses require more or less brains vs the variable amount of brain I have at a given time.
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If I am just overwhelmed with work stuff or other RL things, I will always try to respond in the order of longest to shortest wait for a reply from me. I think that can very easily avoid making players I’m engaging with feel bad, but it also has the added bonus of making sure a scene doesn’t stagnate in the process, especially if life drags me away from my hobby kicking and screaming.
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@KarmaBum said in MU Peeves Thread:
@Testament there are sooo many reasons for people to respond to scenes in things other than the order in which they were updated. I’m about to do it this morning.
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A lot of times, if I know someone is “around” for a bit, I’ll put my focus on that scene so we can make some progress.
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There’s also “this is is fluff, easy pose” vs “this scene needs real brains.”
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Sometimes, I read a pose and immediately know my response so I write it while it’s hot, and that can often help me get ideas in other scenes, so I circle back to those.
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Now and then, I just need to finish this gd scene and will focus on it to get it done!!
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Some scenes just GET GOOD, and I pay attention to them more. It’s not that my other scenes are bad, but I may be more invested in some than others. This is as close as I can say it comes to making it “about” my scene partners, but even then… so much goes into why a scene gets GOOD - timing, chemistry, rng failing dice, etc.
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On Monday, I was going between a bunch of devices and missed a pose for like FOUR HOURS in one scene. I was all posing at other scenes (lol including one with you i think) all morning before I realized I missed it. This is not an isolated incident.
It’s real easy to take it personally. I definitely have been like “wtf where my pose at!!” when trolling active scenes. But it probably has nothing to do with YOU.
All of this is me. But especially lately it’s whether or not I have brains. There are people who I desperately want to RP with but won’t right now because I don’t have the brains to give them the kind of scene I want to have, or I’ll end up slowing down dramatically because of the lack of brains issue.
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@bear_necessities This is such a big thing. So many times in the last few years, I’ve stared at the log in screen and gone, “Man, there are so many people I want to play with.” But when it comes to actually have the BRAIN to log in and reach out to someone, my thoughts immediately shift to, “But I’m so tired. And this is a three hour commitment, at minimum.”
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@Pyrephox said in MU Peeves Thread:
“But I’m so tired. And this is a three hour commitment, at minimum.”
This is why I finally just embraced the async life.
I almost never have 3+ hours uninterrupted anymore, but my entire workday is full of 30 minutes here, 15 minutes there…
Instead of a paragraph every 5 minutes, I write three paragraphs every 30 minutes. It’s not my favorite solution, but it beats the (RP-free) alternative.
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This is why I like Ares (and will probably never play on a non-Ares game again). It’s so much more inclusive for people who can’t log on for solid 3-4 hours every night or a couple of nights a week.
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I see your squirrels belong to the same union as mine.
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I’ve more or less trained myself to not look at the thing that shows you how soon “activity” has happened in someone else’s scenes on Ares. It’s just not a good match for how my brain works, lol.
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@tsar Teach me you ways
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@Snackness i dig deep down into my most avoidant behaviors and encourage them to work for me for once
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@tsar dis is also smart.
Your own scenes are always at the top of the page. Just check yours and close it real fast!
But then you will miss tilting your head and wondering wtf people are really doing in a scene from 2 months ago, and why haven’t they just wrapped that shit yet, smh that’s from before CHRISTMAS wtf
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@KarmaBum said in MU Peeves Thread:
But then you will miss tilting your head and wondering wtf people are really doing in a scene from 2 months ago, and why haven’t they just wrapped that shit yet, smh that’s from before CHRISTMAS wtf
Reminds me of my golden days back on PbP message boards.
A scene that’s only taken two months to finish? Pffff, rookie numbers, lol.
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I need advice.
How do you talk to someone who’s constantly putting themself down? Someone who pages you to talk, then apologizes for bothering you by paging you if you don’t respond within thirty seconds because “I guess you’re busy, sorry to interrupt” among other self-pitying messages? It’s sending all kinds of red flags to me, like they’re trying to warn me they will be using my emotional labor as a substitute for developing self-esteem. The compassionate part of me wants to say something that I hope will help, but the intuitive part of me says they will instantly internalize any criticism as proof that they’re human garbage.
Maybe I just need to remember what my mom always said: if a person doesn’t ask you what you think of them, then keep your mouth shut because they don’t want to hear it.
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@GF I don’t have any advice. This is above my paygrade. I’m not a therapist or even an expert at human-ing. But when I have been in similar situations as the one you’re describing, I find myself pulling away, because when I did not do that, when I allowed myself to become a support for that person who was showing me those red flags, they become very clingy and expectant of my time and my emotional labor, and that was not a sustainable balance for me. I wish you the best, it’s a tough situation.
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@GF I always tell people to say thank you instead of sorry, with me. They can say thank you for listening, but not sorry I bothered you.
However
You are not their therapist and you are not obligated to address what is obviously a pattern of receiving validation by pressing the “I suck” button.
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@GF said in MU Peeves Thread:
“I guess you’re busy, sorry to interrupt”
That’s a manipulation tactic. It could be a true expression of their self-loathing or low self-esteem, but it’s also a common tactic used to play at gaining sympathetic attention.
Even if it’s all true, and they’re truly that far gone, it’s not your problem to solve. It’s theirs (with professional help as needed), so don’t put yourself into a position of feeling that you have to help them.
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@GF gonna just say that there’s countless pages here about people having brain weasels, feeling like they are bothering people, or are nervous/anxious to reach out. I get really anxious building connections with new people for example, because I don’t know how they prefer OOC communication. Do I ask them to RP? Am I asking too many times? Do I look too excited/too eager? Etc., etc. I do tend to keep that to myself, though I have apologized in the past for ‘bugging’ because it’s my way of trying to get a feel for that person and make sure I’m not stepping on any invisible boundaries that they don’t feel comfortable setting.
But I have been on the opposite side of the apology page too, and it can seem very off-putting. That all being said, you’re not my therapist or this person’s therapist - we all deal with our anxiety in different ways. If I were in your shoes, I’d say ‘hey you’re not interrupting me but there are a lot of times when I’m not at my computer/ipad/whatever and it takes me awhile to respond’. That way you are setting the expectation that you are not going to respond within 30 seconds, and you are setting a boundary. If that person continues to do the ‘page after 30 seconds’ thing after you’ve done that? Then I agree it’s a red flag and I would probably avoid that person going forward.
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@bear_necessities said in MU Peeves Thread:
@GF gonna just say that there’s countless pages here about people having brain weasels, feeling like they are bothering people, or are nervous/anxious to reach out.
This is where I am with it. The only difference between me and that guy is I just think “I must be bothering them” instead of saying it aloud, because saying it aloud is manipulative whether intentional or unintentional. I don’t get the sense of bad faith from this person, or feel a need to accept a long-term responsibility to socialize them, but I do want to find a way to explain how off-putting that behavior is so maybe they can work on it or, if not work on it, at least leave me out of it.
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@GF Well in terms of explanation, I find it easiest to put yourself in his shoes: Figure how would you want someone to broach the subject, and then do that.
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@GF I get it, I really do, and I hope it is unintentional. I think we’d all be better off if people just said how they feel about stuff. “I wasn’t at my computer but to be honest with you, pages like this make me uncomfortable. I still want to talk to you, but there will be times when I can’t immediately respond so I’d appreciate it if you gave me some grace instead of thinking you are bothering me.” That person may very much decide never to page you again but at least you’ve drawn your line in the sand.
