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MU Peeves Thread
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@KarmaBum said in MU Peeves Thread:
Which is I guess my prevailing point. These conversations need to happen beforehand.
Nobody is suggesting these conversations shouldn’t happen beforehand if possible, but it needs to be pointed out that people don’t always know all their own triggers, and it is absolutely possible to stumble across one on accident, just like it is in a RL scenario. Expecting someone, even someone you have known for years, to 100% know when and how something is going to affect them beforehand is not fair, as any decent therapist would tell you. Being able to check in, even in the middle of an emotionally intense scene, just seems vital to me.
Feeling like you are not able to speak up if something really hits you that you weren’t expecting and having to wait until things are over is just not a scenario I would ever put myself in or advise as a healthy thing to do for others.
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Clearly there’s a wide range in personal preference, and I can see all sides of them tbh. But unless we’re talking about something non-consensual, I think all the approaches discussed are fine. Your comfort matters as much as your RP partner’s, so if you will be uncomfortable if you don’t stop to discuss, stop to discuss. If you would prefer to play Cock Chicken, the other person can also decide whether to stop or continue. Etc.
I’m perfectly fine meeting someone in a bar and going back to my place - I’m not going to discuss TS preferences with them as soon as I walk in the bar. But someone else might prefer not to have sex scenes with new people.
I think as long as everyone is proceeding with respect and care, any approach is fine.
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@Wizz I feel like someone hitting a previously unknown trigger face-first is a different discussion than the casual ‘how’s my service’ check-in replete with a sudden need to discuss menu options RIGHT HERE AND NOW that I was pointing out that I really don’t want to have sprung on me mid-scene. I don’t speak for anybody else in the ‘leave me alone and react to my RP ICly only wherever possible’ camp.
Nobody’s ever suggested not contacting the other participant(s) if someone unknowingly veers into dangerous territory, and conflating the two is meh.
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@eye8urcake said in MU Peeves Thread:
the casual ‘how’s my service’ check-in replete with a sudden need to discuss menu options RIGHT HERE AND NOW that I was pointing out that I really don’t want to have sprung on me mid-scene.
Which was, itself, not something anyone here was ever putting forward as a good idea, so maybe we’re all talking a little past each other to some degree about a sensitive topic.
It happens.
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I feel like there’s also two versions of “mid-scene” going on here. There were comments I saw earlier talking about OOC conversations happening MID-THRUST, which indicates to me “the real TS proper has definitely already started and the conversation is coming a little late.” Which is different from mid-scene that’s more like “our characters are going home together and they just got there but haven’t actually started any actual sex.” I think the former is gonna be more jarring than the latter.
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Yes I do think it is pretty clear that if the first OOC communication you have is ‘this is so hot,’ that’s wildly uncomfortable and I Do Not Want.
I much prefer if the first OOC communication is ‘lololol they’re so awk’.
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The “this is so hot/are you turned on” conversation always baffled me a bit. Because no, I’m not. I’m writing! I am paying more attention to whether I’ve accounted for all limbs and/or props, and trying to keep typos to a forgivable ratio than I am in being turned on.
Reading sex scenes CAN turn me on, but…honestly, most TS isn’t a great sex scene, because of the tendency to have one action in one PoV and the next in the other. It’s sort of jarring to read. If I want to get turned on, I read a romance, where the scene flows a lot more naturally.
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@Pyrephox props are the WORST
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@Wizz I get you.
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takes one sip from the drink he ordered three hundred poses ago and now it ceases to exist
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@Rathenhope I recently decided that I was peeved at the word ‘sip’ being used all the time, when no one really sips drinks, and so I’ve been trying to RP without using it. It turns out it’s hard! “Eleanor drinks her drink.” Drink as a verb is very weird and kind of implies a general/over time action so it feels wrong. Gulp only works if you’re actually gulping. Mostly I’ve just been doing “Eleanor takes a drink” but it’s not a satisfying answer. Maybe I’ll give in and sip again.
as previously stated, good day.
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You gotta starting quaffing that shit.
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@farfalla I sip all the time!
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@Wizz Not all characters can pull off a pull! Eleanor would never take a pull of something. Pulls have a certain level of grittiness to them, or something.
as previously stated, good day.
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@farfalla I feel like she could take a pull if she were on the road and carrying a flask or a canteen. Pulls can be more outdoorsy?
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Yeah I guess it does mostly refer to drinking straight from the bottle, lol.
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@Wizz said in MU Peeves Thread:
As someone who prefers to have the option of open and honest OOC communication if needed during intimate scenes instead of before or after, I gotta say I that while I frankly can’t really grok the opposite position, I appreciate everyone who has taken the time here to say that it breaks immersion in an unacceptably uncomfortable way and I will definitely take that into consideration if and when I dip my toes back into the hobby.
I’d like to hop back in to say that I’m in the same boat. This wasn’t on my radar previously, and now it most certainly is.
Also want to echo what was said earlier in the thread: There was a pretty sensitive disagreement earlier, and we all talked through it respectfully, and are learning from it rather than assuming bad intent. I very much like this, and it gives me the warm fuzzies.
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Please don’t end our romantic scene by telling me OOC you have marital problems and this is why my scene with you was so great, because now you can take it with you to the shower.
Just. No. I will -never- be comfortable with you again. Ever.
ETA: I might get awkward and laugh it off and thank you but I will -never-. Ever. Be comfortable. Again.
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