RL Peeves
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Wish I could crosspost this to RL Loves or whatever our thread for that is called here, but I’m more comfortable in the pissy zone so I’ll settle for putting it here.
Sitting right here, right now, with the biomom I thought had offed herself about 30 years ago’s fucking FACEBOOK page open on my PC and trying to balls up to drop her a message since my adult children are curious about her.
Not sure if my peeve is lack of nerve or lack of alcohol, to be honest.
ETA: I finally pulled the trigger. Now I’m just agonizing that she won’t answer at all, even just to tell me to GFM.
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Cringe.
Nothing is cringe if everything is cringe, this has lost all meaning and I hate it.
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@eye8urcake i reunited in 2020 by surprise when my bio dad (who had no clue as to my existence got a Ancestry DNA kit for his birthday from his wife, and we were matched as parent and child. Luckily his wife is an adoptee and bought the kit because she was doing one too to try to find some of her bio family).
It’s been a very bumpy road, not bc of anything bad but just…processing. He was able to give me info for bio mom and reaching out to her was very difficult.
I’m still processing and all of us are doing so very differently.
So anyway. I found that I was surprised by a lot of my reactions and need for space even though I thought I was prepared for them. I’m very glad this happened as an adult rather than in my 20s when I so longed for it. On the whole it has been positive but I would say just please be gentle with yourself, give yourself space for shifting emotions/feelings, you’re not weird for whatever you feel or don’t. And I hope that you don’t have to wait too long for a response.
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I’m very glad this happened as an adult rather than in my 20s when I so longed for it.
This is a big stressor personally with my kiddo. His bio mom’s not dead, or homeless, or missing, she just ghosted us after I took custody. But he fantasizes about reuniting with her all the time, and as weird as it sounds I really really hope that it doesn’t happen until he’s much older.
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@mietze She’s not going to respond, which… whatever. She dumped me decades ago, I basically even tried because a) wow, I thought she’d offed herself with a speedball forever ago and b) my adult children with children of their own were curious plus wanted medical information if possible for various reasons.
I’m really glad it’s gone well for you with your bio dad, though. Those stories turning out well actually do a bit to warm my cold, dark heart and you seem to carry more than your fair load of heavy shit to begin with so I’m extra happy that situation turned out well specifically for you.
At this point, I wouldn’t piss on any of my… (six? eight? I lost count…) parents/step-parents to put them out if they were on fire.
Beat with a shovel, maybe. Piss, nope.
I’m very glad this happened as an adult rather than in my 20s when I so longed for it.
This is a big stressor personally with my kiddo. His bio mom’s not dead, or homeless, or missing, she just ghosted us after I took custody. But he fantasizes about reuniting with her all the time, and as weird as it sounds I really really hope that it doesn’t happen until he’s much older.
Mine bailed on us when I was like three and my dad was still a practicing alcoholic biker and I remember going up to every short, bespectacled woman with long, dark hair that I saw in a store or at a gas station or at street drags with my whole, “Are you my mother?” spiel.
The stories of me finding her again, first as a homeless 14 year-old then again at 19 are even more pathetic than that, so I’ll just leave those out but I’m definitely on your side with the whole ‘later is better’ philosophy on this in regards to your own youngster.
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Parents:
If your kiddo has a 504/IEP/Gifted/Other distinct specification and you switch schools:
Physically walk that document and literally anything related to it that you possibly can to the register, school secretary, principal, and teacher(s). Then email the shit out of that document to those same people.
NEVER trust it will be transfered by their school.
You might come across as overbearing at first, but you will know your kid’ needs have been communicated. You can show you are not crazy another time.
I hate finding out mid way through the year that a kiddo has a need that I just didn’t know about. Sometimes it is the other school. Sometimes the wrong box got clicked somewhere. Sometimes it got put in the wrong file.
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And if anyone’s skeptical about a school even using or physically misplacing a paper form in this day and age?
Oho, they still are, and they still are.
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I never signed onto Tiktok because I knew how bad it would be for my ADHD. Stuck to long form video on Youtube and used Facebook to keep up with family and friends, but had basically minimized my usage of that.
Then fucking shorts and reels came out.
Yeah, it’s exactly as bad as I feared it might be.
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@junipersky
I second this. We switched school districts, and not only did I walk over that IEP, I had to walk over and email her independent diagnosis confirmation with full report, and firmly insisted on the addition of a one on one aide for her since that had been added later.I don’t think it matters what state you’re in, though some are better than others. Advocate, advocate, advocate!!! They won’t know what your child needs better than you do, so don’t be afraid to speak up.
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@Cornpopped said in RL Peeves:
They won’t know what your child needs better than you do, so don’t be afraid to speak up.
My pet peeve is schools that don’t help even when you do speak up.
I realize that most individual teachers are amazing humans who live to help students. I’m not judging them. It’s just the combination of lack of training, lack of resources, bureaucracy, etc. that means too many kids with needs that aren’t getting met.
I have one kid being homeschooled atm due to the school not being willing to meet us halfway, and another who’s floundering in-person and they don’t seem to know how to help. It’s so frustrating and hearbreaking.
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Man. Nothing worse than seeing cool stuff you want to buy at an antique store and then seeing they sell Nazi antiques and you have to walk out in disgust.
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@foksthery YIKES
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@hellfrog So, so, so many antique stores have Nazi shit. It’s a huge problem. If I ever become wealthy, I kind of want to buy as much of it as I can to keep it out of Nazi hands.
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@foksthery I bet a person could make a successful Patreon-funded YouTube channel out of traveling to antique stores, buying the Nazi shit, and destroying it on camera.
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@GF …that is brilliant actually.
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…I mean, pretty cheerily optimistic to think we’ll still be around in a thousand years tbh. I’m all for smashing the swastikas and dinky little eagles, shitting on the uniforms, whatever helps you live your best life now and keeps that garbage out of the hands of actual living nazis and their shitty sympathizers. The hypothetical future archaeologists can make do with pictures and video. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
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@WhiteRaven I think museums around the world have enough of it; we don’t need it sitting in antique shops.
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In a museum, it’s history.
In a home, it’s memorabilia. We don’t need nazi memorabilia.