Don’t forget we moved!
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Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent
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@Cobalt hugs the Cobalt
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The medications have definitely been helping me, but I still have these sensations where I waffle between two different outlooks.
A. I accept my anger at the world for what it is and rationalize it that it’s okay to have these feelings even though in the grand scope of things, I should feel like I’m lucky to have existence I have when compared to other situations.
B. My nihilism overrides most thoughts and decides that it’s just easier to watch the world burn down around with you a beer. You can do nothing to change it, so might as well enjoy the ride, however long the ride might last.
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I’m tired of feeling like the older I get the more faith in humanity I lose. As a kid, even despite everything I went through, I held to the belief people at their core are good and want to be kind.
As I got older I started to believe some people were unkind, but the majority were kind and that helped keep the good in the world greater.
Now? All I see are selfish people hurting others and being hateful. Misery loves company and pain creates cruelty. Often times it’s the most defenseless and innocent who get hurt in the process. It isn’t right and the fact I can’t do anything to change this feels like it’s breaking me in two.
So now that I’ve vented, I’m eating donuts and watching reality tv. Because I need to turn my brain off for tonight. Tomorrow I will hope again, but for tonight?
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My random RL struggle/vent for the day is letting myself get behind on schoolwork, then feeling like I have nfc what I’m doing for my schoolwork when I sit down to it.
While simultaneously trying to fight off the strong desire to just curl up in bed and snooze the rest of the day, when I absolutely need to get this stuff turned in TODAY. (It was a non-negotiable deadline.)
Then second-guessing my work, which I felt was shoddy.
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@dvoraen The stress of responsibilities leading to the procrastination of responsibilities leading to more stress of responsibilities which makes completing those responsibilities even harder. I feel that in my anxious soul.
I hope your day ended or ends (depending on time zone) well and that you find some calm. Or cake. Or both.
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I badly fucked up the muscles in my dominant hand moving a heavy computer one too many times. Has hurt for like, a week.
A bunch of new content in games I play just came out and trying to play with one hand and limited mouse mobility is the worst.
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Still waiting to hear back on my dream job! I was handpicked for it now, they want to open up interviews. Out of work, waiting to hear back and the self-doubt cycle is starting. This shit sucks!
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just got a gas shutoff notice. I was sure I paid the bill last month but I have been lost in a depression haze and obviously didn’t, so I don’t qualify for state assistance. this is such a miserable feeling, I can’t afford the new bill right now and it only rockets up with absolutely ridiculous service fees and a security deposit if they shut it off and then come turn it back on.
I know this is a hard time of year to ask for this kind of help but it’s $250, any help at all would be enormously appreciated.
ETA: Here is the gofundme link.
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Running to the store the night before the tournament because I didn’t realize we only had 10 shirts for 11 children >.>
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Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I fuxking hate people. I fucking hate this society. I fucking hate every molecule of every fucking piece of SHIT that has decided to torch my country to the fucking ground. Fuck
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@Coin Know that feel.
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lots of nasty non-covid illnesses going around. I got punched in the face by one over thanksgiving (but usually I am semi-sick during any holiday due to my job anyway). if you haven’t already gotten your flu shot i recommend it. but mostly man i would like to not feel like crap on a freakin’ cracker.
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@mietze I am slowly succumbing to a virus that took down half my family over Thanksgiving. COVID took down the other half. Blergh.
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@Snackness i hope its not the sore throat one. i have never woken up all through the night even in nyquil induced sleep due to painful swallows before. that seems to finally be edging off now but I’ve lost my voice completely. going to just mask 100 percent of the time at work now until after spring break i think.
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@mietze Luckily just cough, fever and mild wobbles.
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I really underestimated how awful dental surgery recovery could be. Ugh. I miss feeling normal.
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This post is deleted! -
Today, I started my day by filing a complaint against my student loan provider with the Department of Education.
Every month, they receive an extra payment above what my required minimum is. They have specific instructions on file from me to apply this to loan that has the highest interest rate, in order to prevent interest from accruing. Despite the fact that their own computer system reflects that these instructions are on file, they have been applying these payments as pro-rated across all of my loans, sometimes in the amount of only pennies. This makes my extra payment significantly less effective.
My provider’s office opens at 8:00 AM. I called them at ~8:10. I have been on hold for 54 minutes without reaching a human being. It took me less time to document and file a complaint with the federal government than it did to to even reach a person at Nelnet.
I took these loans out starting in 2002. I started with a $44,000 balance. My balance is now… $42,700. My extra payment of $200/month ends up applying… $32 to the principal balance. At this rate, I’m going to pay off these loans in 111 years and 3 months.
UPDATE: I ended up sitting on hold for an 1h 45m before getting to a human being, who then proceeded to spend the next twenty minutes of the call talking over me, talking down to me, and insulting me because it wasn’t possible that they made the mistake I said they made. No, no. I was “clearly confused” and he was going to explain to me step by step how student loans work because he’s “more technical” than I am.
(My dude. I have an MBA and I work in finance, where my job is literally writing guides for phone reps walking clients through major financial transactions. Get fucked.)
After twenty minutes of arguing with this man, I finally give in and let him spend the next 10-15 minutes explaining my student loans and how payments work, step by step, like I don’t have the brain cells to read a basic table. Until we get to the screen with the breakdown of each of my payments and how it’s been applied. And then to the screen with special instructions for excess payments. Which clearly shows how I’ve set them up to be paid, and which doesn’t match how they have been paid. At all.
So then he got the pleasure of having me lay out point by point, line by line, what was wrong and what needed to be fixed. Bro all of a sudden went from talking to me like an idiot to backpedaling on what his original excuse was for how my required payments are larger than I think they are (which would’ve made their mistake worse??), reassuring me he was filling out a ticket with their accounting department, how it would be handled, that they would fix this, etc. etc. Y’know, like he didn’t just tell me this was all just too hard for me to understand by my wee widdle self!
This problem could’ve been fixed in 10 minutes, including the time to write up a ticket to their accounting team. Instead it took 45, most of which was him just insulting me. And that’s not counting the nearly two hours that I spent on hold. I cannot imagine what this is like for people who don’t have the same background or understanding that I’m lucky enough to have when dealing with this BS, nevermind for people who may have financial difficulties, incompatible hours, or accessibility needs.
Education in this country is so completely fucked, from daycare all the way on up. This entire system is broken, it’s designed that way on purpose to make people give up, give in, and give over every dollar they have, and my level of rage right now could probably power the entire Eastern seaboard for the next three days.
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Having worked in higher ed admin I am sure you would be thrilled to know about the vendor grift that is part and parcel of the whole thieving enterprise.
I woke up feeling so good, I think I’d better call in sick/ I need a personal trainer to help me hold my drink
I plan to be spontaneous next time we meet/I’m putting off procrastinating until next week
I’ll get onto it when I give a shit -
@SpaceKhomeini said in Real Life Struggles/Support/Vent:
Having worked in higher ed admin I am sure you would be thrilled to know about the vendor grift that is part and parcel of the whole thieving enterprise.
I’ve worked for two different universities. I saw enough while I was there that I wouldn’t be surprised at all at what their senior administrations pull.
