MU Peeves Thread
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@Roz What’s YOUR preference on this? Does it make it better for you if they OOC and draw the lines? Or do you miss out on the fun game of Can I Use Both C-Words Or Just One of Them?
(I was going to call you a big old skanky “tinyslut” but Siri auto-corrected it to “tiny slug” and it made me LOL so much that I wanted to leave it in the post but then it made zero sense. So I just put it here instead.)
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@KarmaBum said in MU Peeves Thread:
@Roz What’s YOUR preference on this? Does it make it better for you if they OOC and draw the lines? Or do you miss out on the fun game of Can I Use Both C-Words Or Just One of Them?
Oh, I mean, I find the game of chicken to be funny in that it’s generally two people just trying to be considerate to each other and then finally realizing it’s fine to use explicit language, but I don’t mind either way. I guess when all is said and done I have a minor preference for just letting things progress IC without going OOC? But this is the very important point: I don’t have triggers here. I might have squicks or whatnot, but they are not things most people are gonna just trip over. So it makes sense that I’m not worried about others checking in with me in that way, BUT I absolutely don’t mind when they do! Because to me it’s just an indicator or someone wanting to be considerate about boundaries, which is a good way to be.
(I was going to call you a big old skanky “tinyslut” but Siri auto-corrected it to “tiny slug” and it made me LOL so much that I wanted to leave it in the post but then it made zero sense. So I just put it here instead.)
I will claim both monikers PROUDLY
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As someone who prefers to have the option of open and honest OOC communication if needed during intimate scenes instead of before or after, I gotta say I that while I frankly can’t really grok the opposite position, I appreciate everyone who has taken the time here to say that it breaks immersion in an unacceptably uncomfortable way and I will definitely take that into consideration if and when I dip my toes back into the hobby.
I am sure most people who feel this way do make this clear already with the people they choose to TS with, but that discomfort is something I have to admit I didn’t have an awareness of and I’d definitely want to know upfront.
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Confession: I will never stop sending @KarmaBum pictures of carnival fun houses mid-scene.
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I have definitely played TS word chicken with RPers I knew pretty well. Just because I’ve known someone for years doesn’t mean I know their TS prefs! It doesn’t always come up!
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@tsar next time i would prefer if you would ask me if it is ok to use the word carnival tyvm
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@Wizz said in MU Peeves Thread:
As someone who prefers to have the option of open and honest OOC communication if needed during intimate scenes instead of before or after, I gotta say I that while I frankly can’t really grok the opposite position, I appreciate everyone who has taken the time here to say that it breaks immersion in an unacceptably uncomfortable way and I will definitely take that into consideration if and when I dip my toes back into the hobby.
I am sure most people who feel this way do make this clear already with the people they choose to TS with, but that discomfort is something I have to admit I didn’t have an awareness of and I’d definitely want to know upfront.
I feel this. I know that I have initiated some of these OOC conversations, and realize reading these examples of boundaries that I may have inadvertently been one of the people who bordered on making a mistake. It’s hard not to feel a bit self-conscious thinking back on it now. I appreciate this conversation a lot so that I can be more aware of it in the future!
I could never grow trees
Still I planted my seeds -
@L-B-Heuschkel Unfortunately my memory of LegendMUD is very hazy around all of that - and I played around those times as Lark/Lirra! But wow.
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@Omen I have never had a problem with people checking in OOC! I don’t, and I don’t need it because I don’t have anything I want to avoid, but I appreciate it as a ‘this person is being kind and considerate’ gesture. If this is what makes you comfortable you should keep doing it! Then, if the other person doesn’t like it, you can stop and acknowledge that your play styles don’t match up for that type of scene, nbd.
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@Wizz It’s really worth noting: if you and I are about to pretend-plow, you probably already know me well enough to know that I’m not going to RP the deets with you.
Which is I guess my prevailing point. These conversations need to happen beforehand.
And, really, it’s true for any emotionally intense scene. Playing those emotions credibly involves a measure of vulnerability for me. I’m not going to be willing to love/hate/murder/fuck/backstab/bromance your PC if I don’t kinda already trust you OOC enough not to take it somewhere I don’t want to go.
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Ya know I’ve been over here like “No one ever established any of that stuff with me before the clothes came off” but also getting involved in TS was always the beginning of the least fun parts of the hobby for me and now I’m wondering if these things aren’t more related than I’d thought. Appreciate all the perspectives that have come up in the discussion.
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I think what happens with me is that I don’t think about it until suddenly I realize it and then I kind if explode into oh shit I better make sure they’re okay and also they know that I’m totally okay with what they want but how do I say what without like making it super weird and then I kind of just weirdly stumble into checking in probably more worried than I should be which also make me look like a dork.
So like, everyone be forewarned, I am a dork a lot. About lots of things not just those types of things that involve c words.
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@KarmaBum said in MU Peeves Thread:
Which is I guess my prevailing point. These conversations need to happen beforehand.
Nobody is suggesting these conversations shouldn’t happen beforehand if possible, but it needs to be pointed out that people don’t always know all their own triggers, and it is absolutely possible to stumble across one on accident, just like it is in a RL scenario. Expecting someone, even someone you have known for years, to 100% know when and how something is going to affect them beforehand is not fair, as any decent therapist would tell you. Being able to check in, even in the middle of an emotionally intense scene, just seems vital to me.
Feeling like you are not able to speak up if something really hits you that you weren’t expecting and having to wait until things are over is just not a scenario I would ever put myself in or advise as a healthy thing to do for others.
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Clearly there’s a wide range in personal preference, and I can see all sides of them tbh. But unless we’re talking about something non-consensual, I think all the approaches discussed are fine. Your comfort matters as much as your RP partner’s, so if you will be uncomfortable if you don’t stop to discuss, stop to discuss. If you would prefer to play Cock Chicken, the other person can also decide whether to stop or continue. Etc.
I’m perfectly fine meeting someone in a bar and going back to my place - I’m not going to discuss TS preferences with them as soon as I walk in the bar. But someone else might prefer not to have sex scenes with new people.
I think as long as everyone is proceeding with respect and care, any approach is fine.
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@Wizz I feel like someone hitting a previously unknown trigger face-first is a different discussion than the casual ‘how’s my service’ check-in replete with a sudden need to discuss menu options RIGHT HERE AND NOW that I was pointing out that I really don’t want to have sprung on me mid-scene. I don’t speak for anybody else in the ‘leave me alone and react to my RP ICly only wherever possible’ camp.
Nobody’s ever suggested not contacting the other participant(s) if someone unknowingly veers into dangerous territory, and conflating the two is meh.
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@eye8urcake said in MU Peeves Thread:
the casual ‘how’s my service’ check-in replete with a sudden need to discuss menu options RIGHT HERE AND NOW that I was pointing out that I really don’t want to have sprung on me mid-scene.
Which was, itself, not something anyone here was ever putting forward as a good idea, so maybe we’re all talking a little past each other to some degree about a sensitive topic.
It happens.
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I feel like there’s also two versions of “mid-scene” going on here. There were comments I saw earlier talking about OOC conversations happening MID-THRUST, which indicates to me “the real TS proper has definitely already started and the conversation is coming a little late.” Which is different from mid-scene that’s more like “our characters are going home together and they just got there but haven’t actually started any actual sex.” I think the former is gonna be more jarring than the latter.
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Yes I do think it is pretty clear that if the first OOC communication you have is ‘this is so hot,’ that’s wildly uncomfortable and I Do Not Want.
I much prefer if the first OOC communication is ‘lololol they’re so awk’.
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The “this is so hot/are you turned on” conversation always baffled me a bit. Because no, I’m not. I’m writing! I am paying more attention to whether I’ve accounted for all limbs and/or props, and trying to keep typos to a forgivable ratio than I am in being turned on.
Reading sex scenes CAN turn me on, but…honestly, most TS isn’t a great sex scene, because of the tendency to have one action in one PoV and the next in the other. It’s sort of jarring to read. If I want to get turned on, I read a romance, where the scene flows a lot more naturally.
