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MU Peeves Thread
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@bear_necessities Understandable. Have a nice day.
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@helvetica said in MU Peeves Thread:
@Snackness @Pyrephox @Tez wow I can’t wait to be made uncomfortable by you all when I dip into some casual bar rp and you try to sit on my character’s lap for no fucking reason
It’s even better at a coffee shop.
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@helvetica At least I’ll just slide right off.
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@bear_necessities said in MU Peeves Thread:
super saiyan slut
My Tabitha ‘Boom-Boom’ Smith sense is tingling.
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@Meg said in MU Peeves Thread:
but to be clear, i don’t MU* anymore so i don’t need a name and shame, because i am not joining the game anyways.
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I’m pretty tired of kink culture. I am not pro-kink. I am unabashedly anti-kink. I used to be the former, but now I’m the latter.
If the stated goal is to help people set clear and comfortable boundaries that others ought to respect, then I don’t think kink culture accomplishes that.
And I know, I know what the kinksters will say: ‘What are you talking about? Clearly you don’t know anything about us. We’re all about RACK/SSC, no one does healthy communication and boundaries better than we do.’ I know because I used to be one of you, and I’m not anymore because I’ve come to realise it’s gaslighting.
Kink should be like hoisin at a Vietnamese restaurant: optional. There if you want it, not forced, expected or frankly even normalised. But what I actually think kink culture has become is more like chopsticks, you’re a bit weird if you turn it down. We’re at a point with sexual liberation where I really think we’ve gone the opposite direction, because I actually so rarely see slut-shaming anymore that I’m always surprised to encounter it, and when I do it’s always swiftly called out. What I see a lot more of nowadays is prude-shaming, with kink culture as a sort of public contest: everyone competing to show off just how weird and wild and DTF they are for the cool points, and people who really aren’t comfortable with this stuff expected to laugh politely and play along. I’m not here for it.
If we’re pro boundary setting, then simply start with the expectation that people aren’t cool with it, it being whatever weird sexual thing you have in mind. Don’t try and pressure people into it even through the more subtle yet still very insidious tactic of turning it into some kind of social currency or moral badge. ‘I am so liberated, don’t you want to be liberated like the other sexy girls?’ I think that advertising kink is appropriate in exactly three places: websites/groups/meetups specifically built for that purpose, dating sites, and private conversations with a potential partner.
And then there is also the very alarming trend I can’t help but note of people dressing up all kinds of transparently abusive behaviour as “kink” and then expecting that to exempt them from criticism, or to let them reframe such criticism as immoral and tantamount to queerphobia or whatever. Many kinks, even when “consensual” in the most technical sense of the word, are in fact exploitative and prey on the low self-esteem and poor mental health of vulnerable individuals who need help and not an enabler. I feel comfortable judging someone who feels the need to control or dominate someone who’s never learned to say “no” or to consider their own wants beyond pleasing other people as a source of self-worth. I also can’t help but notice that a lot of these “consensual, happy, this is just our kink guys” D/s couples end a couple years down the line with a traumatised victim coming out and finally admitting they were pressured into it and abused. Damn, who could’ve predicted that someone whose whole shtick is needing to control other people, and whose preference is for people who don’t talk back, would’ve turned out to be a piece of shit.
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@Kestrel uh is this still a mu peeve
she/her | playlist
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Well. Someone hand me a rake, I guess I’m now officially ‘you kids get off my lawn’ years old. Back in my day even Shang didn’t have this much public sex.
Rip. I just wanted to play Mage again.
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@Roz Not to speak for Kestrel, but the only people who have ever demanded that I respect their kinks regardless of my own level of comfort or consent have been on MUs, so I’m willing to believe it’s a MU peeve.
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@Roz said in MU Peeves Thread:
@Kestrel uh is this still a mu peeve
Considering all the pro-kink talk on this thread, it’s both.
Like, how many times have we seen it happen in the MU* community, where some well-known predator was confronted about their actions, and the response has been, ‘wow guys, it’s just my kink! I’m not a baddy for wanting to randomly page people asking them if they’re into all my kinks, or surprising people with them unprompted! You are all just kinkshaming me.’
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@Kestrel said in MU Peeves Thread:
And then there is also the very alarming trend I can’t help but note of people dressing up all kinds of transparently abusive behaviour as “kink” and then expecting that to exempt them from criticism, or to let them reframe such criticism as immoral and tantamount to queerphobia or whatever. Many kinks, even when “consensual” in the most technical sense of the word, are in fact exploitative and prey on the low self-esteem and poor mental health of vulnerable individuals who need help and not an enabler. I feel comfortable judging someone who feels the need to control or dominate someone who’s never learned to say “no” or to consider their own wants beyond pleasing other people as a source of self-worth. I also can’t help but notice that a lot of these “consensual, happy, this is just our kink guys” D/s couples end a couple years down the line with a traumatised victim coming out and finally admitting they were pressured into it and abused. Damn, who could’ve predicted that someone whose whole shtick is needing to control other people, and whose preference is for people who don’t talk back, would’ve turned out to be a piece of shit.
Yeah, sorry, this is a big yikes on my end. You’re taking abusive relationships and masquerading it ‘this is what the kink community is like’. And that just comes off as on one hand making large blanket statements, and second, awfully sounds pretty disingenuous towards the couples that have rather healthy relationships that incorporate some aspect of kink into their lifestyle.
By no means what you’ve described doesn’t happen. It has, but it’s not fair that to state that this is all it is. I could go into some massive diatribe on how if going to be done respectfully with everyone’s needs being taken in mind, that plenty of conversations need to happen before anything happens.
Maybe that’s just me, and clearly my experiences have been drastically different, but for my time apart of it, I’ve seen the opposite happen more often than not. I simply whole-heartedly disagree that what you’re describing is all it is some large ruse to allow abusers and manipulators free reign while being able to get away by having a useful excuse for their terrible behavior.
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I may be wrong, but I didn’t read what @Kestrel wrote as a description of some widespread conspiracy but more that there’s folks out there who want to manipulate sexual openness to their own advantage.
It’s unfortunate, but there’s bad actors in all forms of life.
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I guess we are a real MU forum, now.
He/Him. Opinions and views are solely my own unless specifically stated otherwise.
BE AN ADULT -
@Pavel said in MU Peeves Thread:
I guess we are a real MU forum, now.
Is friendship bad?
Let’s discuss social combat!
WoD, mage sphere, amirite?
ARRRRRRX
(there’s an Arx thread get out)
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@tsar said in MU Peeves Thread:
@Pavel said in MU Peeves Thread:
I guess we are a real MU forum, now.
Is friendship bad?
Let’s discuss social combat!
WoD, mage sphere, amirite?
ARRRRRRX
(there’s an Arx thread get out)
Someone post the image, I’m at work.
I don't know what I'm doing. Poke at Seven Nations sevennations.aresmush.com port 2021
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@Testament You rang?
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I think unfortunately rp around sexual or relationship themes and practices regardless of what they are will always be ripe for manipulation and abuse. I find either extreme (more kinky/prudish than thou) to be especially vulnerable to that and seeing lots of ooc public declarations about it on chan/chat/ooc in room will make me avoid either person because its a huge red flag for me and makes me uncomfortable.
I find the considerate people keep everything in the appropriate spaces/stay out of the labeled spaces they know that they don’t want to be in.
If someone isn’t capable of that discernment I don’t find them to be a player I will feel comfortable around. I don’t care what they’re into or not.
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My today MU peeve is the DO NOT ARX. It’s a MU. If someone mentions something outside the thread it usually lives in, it’s gonna be ok
fr fr
(she/her)
