This is a wedding planning peeve. Realistically, I know a lot of this is on me and my unwillingness to see past previous transgressions, especially when it involves my family, specifically my mother(because I’m an unapologetic mamma’s boy, fite me).
So first there was the issue of one of my aunt and uncle. I’m not what I’d call fans of them. I don’t hate them, I don’t really have an issue with them. I’m just not really close to them. There’s also underlying resentment due to…family opinions. Some of it is political in nature, some isn’t Regardless, I haven’t always been a fan of them due to how they’ve treated their sister(being my mother). And yet she still tells me to invite them. At first I said no, but when she mentioned that it’d mean a lot to my grandmother(who’s in her 90s)and really, isn’t a person who requests anything. Because she specifically requested this, I kind of can’t say to it. Fine, they’ll get invites, but I’m going to complain the entire time.
What caused me to have a ten minute rant on the phone two days ago was the fact that mom was trying to make the case for my step-dad’s eldest daughter. Now, for some context, I hate this woman. This is deep-seeded resentment that goes back about 20 years. She is selfish, left her kid’s dad and her kids for a different dude(and proceeded to this a number of other times through the years). Has consistently asked both my mom and step-dad for money. Changed her career three different times in order to go back to school each time. Constantly was extremely disrespectful towards my mother, while at the same staying out of my eyesight because of the time I dressed her down in front of the family for almost killing one of my brother’s kids by having her dogs around, and my brother’s kid being highly allergic to dogs(this resulted in an ER visit).
This has gone on for 20 years, and two days ago, my fiance says I need to call my mother because she hoping I would invite this person. I admit, I was not the finest in that conversation, which my statement was more or less “Why the fuck would I invite a woman who has treated you like shit for years to my wedding?”
And my mother, damnit, she’s too kind, too forgiving, too generous, she says “Well, she’s been a lot better lately. She’s been a lot more helpful and respectful lately.” My response was “Okay, so what’s her angle. What does she want this time.”
I realize the hypocrisy here. That I’ve worked hard to make myself a better person, but my own bias doesn’t allow me to see that possibility in other people. I know that, and I know my resentment and anger is clouding my judgement on this. My mother pointed out that, “You invited your step-dad’s other two daughters. It’s going to be a thing if you don’t invite her as well.” I asked a single question, “Has she apologized to you? For the way she’s treated you? Has she apologized to her dad?”
I know I’m being overprotective of my mom. I know. And I know she’s her own adult and she doesn’t need me to protect her. I also know that I don’t always think clearly when it comes to certain people in my life. I’m still chewing it over, but I feel like I’m going to have to swallow my own pride on this one and give this utter tire fire of a human being an invite.
And tell our day-of coordinator that I don’t want her near me. It’s sometimes really dumb the things you do to keep the peace within your own extended family.
Wishing everyone a speedy recovery 
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